A superstar
Then have no fear
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It’s easy to shine in the light. It’s hard to shine in the dark. And, sometimes, shining feels impossible no matter what — when the world would hunt you and kiss you just for being who you are, as the Creature says. Oops, that just happened indeed. The universe has its mysterious ways we cannot but be in awe of, and surrender to.
When an idea that feels far more exciting than drifting arrives, reaching for the pen and paper comes naturally — or not, but you do it anyway. You know you’re in for a thrill. You’re entering a world full of wonder, and whatever the tone of the idea — happy or sad — you get happy. I know I do. It’s a feeling of unlimited everything. You don’t think about anything, and yet your thoughts align perfectly with who you are.
Time does its thing and I feel this… this… What is this? Like something’s missing. All the stuff running through my head. My body. And then, time stops. No more time keeping time. Life would this, life would that. Something…I don’t even think about. It’s not on the tip of my tongue. It’s real, but intangible. Just like magic. And then it strikes me. Ugh, I miss laughing. The kind of laughing you don’t have even the tiniest second to think about — suddenly, out of nowhere, you’re laughing. Fast on your feet. That’s the trick with naturally. It cuts through the liminal space and touches that specific chord of yours that is, on top of it all, invisible. Only to bring you back into the liminal space. And make you fall in love.
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The camera’s here
And the microphones
And they wanna know oh oh oh oh
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Growing up, my parents didn’t give me extra attention at the adults’ big table during celebrations, everyone was living the moment, a nothing needs to happen for this moment to be enough kinda moment, and that created time and space for me to simply be — without seeking validation of any kind. I was used to being in my own world while surrounded by adults, adults I looked up to, and I remember enjoying it. Exploring whatever caught my interest in the moment. I loved the feeling of being hooked on something I liked so much.
The flip side of the coin is the responsibility of figuring out — along the way — what is what in life. Which, as a kid, is fun anyway. Curiosity is your superpower. And keeping it alive is one too. Observing is something we can do anytime, anywhere — probably one of the reasons I rarely get bored. Unless! The things to observe hold no interest at all. Then I feel like I’m going out of my mind.
Absorbing has always been a big thing, too. When you’re a kid, you don’t think about observing or absorbing — you just do your thing. Luckily, you discover rollercoasters: your stomach in your throat, the laughter you don’t even have time to observe or absorb. You just are. In the moment. Rollercoasters used to be at some point — that point — the first thing I was researching about a country I was traveling to. It’s only later that you realise everything you’ve been observing and absorbing has found its way inside you. Nice. And — uh-oh. That’s how you learn to build solid walls inside your own world. And then, life knocks at every inch of them. Hey! Extraterrestrial sounds. Unable to deliver your dream, says the hidden in plain sight screen. That’s when you understand how big your dream really is. Oh… You’ve always been fascinated by the invisible realm — no big deal. And learning exhilarating things that you of course love getting under your skin. Time to unlearn a few things, too, kid.
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If you are what you say you are
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I love to move, see, talk, watch, feel — this, that — experience…everything. And so, when I decide to actually, finally sit or lie down in some crazy position, the macbook just close enough for my fingers to dance on the keyboard, it feels more like discipline than play, most of the time. Although discipline equals freedom, sometimes it’s the sky that does it for me. Through a constellation of small and large events, it places me in front of the macbook. A stillness I once mistook for being trapped when all I wanted was to fly — just fly, fly, fly. And here I am. In heaven. On a plane. In the sky.
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A superstar
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It’s all about the ride — but man — every time you put your feet on the ground and feel like you can fly! It’s when love leads faith. I know — a bold thing to say. The moment I thought I heard it in Lady Gaga’s Born This Way, live, min 43:34, I went on a quest to find out more, of course. The lyric says My love needs faith. Make it Italian, mix it with something chant-like, and still — I hear leads when she sings. In that way! My love definitely needs faith, but doesn’t love leads faith sound so good, too? It sounds like the truth. That’s it — we’re free! We all have love, we all are love, and it’s so simple — it’s the sophistication of simplicity Leonardo da Vinci was so into.
When something feels so natural, something might slip through your fingers — but not through mine. I caught the stillness that was taking me into the world of the unseen, and I got hooked. I’m in front of the macbook and my fingers are doing the peace sign in your face. Time does not exist and I am not in a rush to anything. Except for when I am. Then the speed of what feels like a galaxy of its own — the brain, eyes, fingers, every cell of my being — all gravitating around my heart — becomes intoxicating. And I’m in awe of the feeling that rises once the words are on the paper, aka screen. I’m safe. I’m all in. The blood is outside the skin. I soar as high as the words want to fly.
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Then have no fear
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I finally made peace with my body not wanting to come anywhere near the macbook when it wants to move. I don’t know if I can say I love one more than the other. It’s a balance. Being here is just as vital as not being here. When the atmosphere is electric, I know I slip into the state where words have fun — the same state that makes my body feel light when I’m in the sky, when I dance, when I surprise myself feeling love. The kind that is subtly buzzing under the skin. Goosebumps are uncontrollable, and everything you can’t control, I believe, is majestic. Except maybe for the cold that causes the other kind of goosebumps. Teeth-chattering emoji.
Sometimes you think you can control a thing or two, but shifting perspectives and letting go of control is what actually syncs your mind back to you. Isn’t that fascinating? When someone else tries to control you, your body will tell you. It’s particularly excruciating when it’s someone you wholeheartedly been there for, gave your entire pure self to and they chose to wholeheartedly tear your heart apart — and I am not even talking romantically here, go figure. We were playing on the same playground, you know how it goes. For a moment, they think they’ve got you. It makes them feel in control. Until it unfolds before their eyes like fireworks — the moment they finally understand. You are not meant to be controlled. And you are not coming back (the same, if ever). Your wings will always save you, your devotion to freedom is undeniable, joy anchors you into presence, and something greater than you occurs. Your heart — against all odds — is opening even wider.
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The crowd is here
And the lights are on
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Enthusiasm, intelligence, integrity are the three things to look for in people. I heard Warren Buffett say that once. And it’s funny, because let’s say enthusiasm isn’t there for reasons we don’t know, and intelligence is… whatever the case may be. Let’s say the first two simply aren’t there. But integrity? Anyone can have integrity. It’s a choice, and the stars support us, all the time, in the choice that strengthens our character. This scares the s*it out of people. It can actually be done. F*ck. Path. Oath. Mmm.
Fear is an illusion, after all. But when it does show up and you face it full throttle, or silently — you surprise yourself. And you fly. Following your North Star. You find yourself above the clouds, in all their glory, in all their multifaceted existence. And it’s all so clear. Peaceful. Exciting. Inviting. Free. Swift, aligned movement, f*ck confusion. It’s the sun or the moon that you salute — depending on the time of day or night you find yourself in.
Dream the dream. Again and again. Day after day. The same dream. A different one. You know best. You really do. Nothing but you is stopping you. Everyone can dream. Under the stars, under a roof (still under the stars, yay). As long as you live the dream. Again and again. Day after day.
Everyone is equally influenced by gravity on this planet, whoever you are and wherever you stand. Among the stars just feels infinite. Unconditional. Surreally real.
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And they want a show, oh, oh, oh, yeah
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And so, you chill with your family by the pool you can see the vastness of the sea from, in a place that feels like a planet within the planet — life within life. Where the wind never stops telling you stuff. On the speaker blasting the music (yours, or your brother’s), Bob Marley’s Is This Love starts playing. Someone asks the words. The question — you suddenly realise — has already been echoing inside you. Then someone else by the pool answers, Yes, it is. And that same answer — wide-eyed emoji — has been echoing inside you, too. You silently dive in.
It implies complete surrender — which, to me, is a thrill every time. It won’t let you sleep, and yet sleep is all you want to be in. You need it, because the moment your eyes open again, the thrill is back. You have to do something about it. Your focus won’t let you deviate. Distractions may come up, but you put your headphones on and dive into whatever it is you love to do. While taking a bath — mentally, or as we speak, actually. I had to move. Here we go. Ended up among the bubbles. Long live iphones.
And sea horses. Seahorses are famous for their unique mating rituals, with one of the most captivating being their daily morning dance. Each bonded pair performs this ritual by intertwining their tails, changing colours, and swimming in perfect synchronisation. This dance can last from minutes to hours and serves to reaffirm their connection and coordinate their reproductive cycles. The daily dance not only strengthens the bond between male and female but also helps time the transfer of eggs precisely. Since male seahorses carry fertilised eggs in a special pouch, this ritual ensures both partners are physically and hormonally prepared for breeding. Beyond reproduction, this behaviour highlights the rare deep pair-bonding found in seahorses, an uncommon trait in the animal world where monogamy is rare — is what my Instagram says. Do couples who style together stay together?
Mmm… a standing ovation is what drifting to sleep deserves, when drifting to sleep feels like mmm…
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Ha, ha, ha-ha-ha
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The headphones are off. No explanation. I hear the kids screaming — as kids do during school breaks — from the music school outside the floor to ceiling windows. The bathroom door is wide open today. It’s early, the sunshine crisp, the way it is in late September. Happy days, as Leo would say, casually. And Let’s play!. Leo’s mood now, non-stop, is play — as my brother put it, pretty seriously, unaware of just how funny that came out. Expression and all. I love Leo’s unapologetic mantra, the way he says it, holding such a clear frequency. And he’s handsome as heaven, haha. The school has a basketball court too, and sometimes I hear the ball dribbling, and I like that. That — and the truth. That, and the truth, and being around kids that sense the truth. They might not yet know all the facts, or the words, or this and that, but they don’t need to in order to sense the truth. You don’t have to do anything, you can simply be, and boom. There’s something about the purity of a child that, when kept intact throughout life — man — keeps carving authenticity.
When Kobe Bryant was asked what kind of player he was — the one who hates to lose or the one who loves to win — he said I’m neither. I feel it’s the same with life. You know what heartbeats look like. Up and down. Up and down. So why ever choose to dwell a lifetime in just one — down? There are more than one in life, newsflash. And you know for a fact that staying in just one — up — forever isn’t an option either. So why not flow instead? Accept this. Accept that. Do your best to be great. Accept when you don’t feel like your best and do it anyway. See the thing that’s meant for you to see and, baby, the next one up is going to take you places you haven’t even dreamed of. Or maybe you have — but life always finds a way to surprise you. Open your eyes. Close them. You set the pace.
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A lot of time might pass after I finish something before I return to read it. But when I do, and a big Yes! rises — hands in the air, goosebumps everywhere — I feel love. And relieved. Ready to begin again, rhythmically.
Writing — or any form of expression — created a world I could fully immerse myself in. I was always driven, I realise now. Back then, I wouldn’t have called it passion. I wasn’t even consciously feeling pleasure. It felt so natural that I pause now, in the middle of this surrender, to name it — gazing at the sky from my seat, through the airplane window, on Christmas Eve. And what do I see? A round rainbow! Have you ever seen one? It’s my first time. The sun was shining on the left, and the plane’s shadow was exactly in the center of the round rainbow on the right. Flying. I know. Some kind of divine synchronisation. High above, in the air. Love was on my mind. When it’s pure, it feels like that. I might have taken it for granted for a hot second. At times, we humans do that — when something feels so natural we don’t recognise it as unique. Especially when the world is not applauding, and the world taught us that applause is what validates anything, basically. But how on earth would the world applaud if it’s out of this world that lives at the tips of your fingers? It makes sense. Focus becomes so precise and determination demands so much presence that anything stealing your energy dissolves effortlessly. That whatever wasn’t aligned simply fades away. Sway.
It’s like the moment you make a pact with the universe — with yourself — and declare that you do, indeed, want everything, the universe asks you first if you understand what you’re asking for. Through all kinds of thoughts, detours, and situations moving through your mind and your life. The universe is funny like that. Baby, once you step onto this celestial chariot — vroom — you’re on! You are just as important as your mission in life. Which you are going to accomplish — intervened the stars — if you firmly decide to. Bees know this. Why wouldn’t people? Bees live in harmony with their hive. They symbolise unity, teamwork, and the idea that everyone has an important role in the bigger picture.
It’s about believing in things not yet seen — something Mariah Carey writes about with such diaphanous clarity, vibrant throughout The Meaning of Mariah Carey, a book I absorbed a summer or two ago on Audible. It’s narrated by the author herself, so I obviously couldn’t help listening. Especially while wearing a bikini. It was everything I thought it would be — and more. I told everyone about it. That’s what I do when I love something. I rarely talked with anyone about what I loved doing, though, because almost everyone kept asking questions I not only didn’t have answers to, but wasn’t even asking myself. What are you going to do with it? How many people will read it? How do you monetize it? Or they’d suggest things I didn’t bother to remember — things I used to fuel my fire with instead. I’ve always paid attention to what I feel.
In my heart, I trusted this unexplainable thing I loved so much that I never even thought to worry about how it might turn out — or what anyone might think or say about it. Hilariously, playfully, and sometimes very seriously, the stars have always nudged me to persevere, no matter what. And with time, I always found myself returning to it for one reason only: love. The journey really is everything — the quiet intimacy you build with yourself, day after day. And dreaming of growing with someone else — with the one, best friend, lover — yes, this too has always lived on that same out-of-this-world level in my heart. Family. Besties. Friends as well. It’s that same divine synchronisation from above. Only this time, it’s in the underworld. Of course. It’s that water we’re made of — around seventy percent. Hm. Funny. In every relationship, my heart knew the truth. Leaving never felt like risking. Not following my heart would have been the risk. Watch out, free will is always at your fingertips, as well. The game is real. Life. Sì, sì.
I refused to let anyone edit my first book when opportunities appeared through a couple of publishing houses. At the time, I thought I was just being logical — I didn’t know them, it would take too much time, and so on. But it was my intuition all along. I see that now. UNEDITED, right under the title, said everything then — and it says everything now. I instinctively knew those were not the opportunities my heart had signed up for on this earth. They would’ve been much faster than the right one, but that speed wouldn’t have been the speed my heart had signed up for on this earth. The heart has seen speed, all right. The heart knows the magnitude of every single cell. Speed may be a metaphor — but it also means exactly what it means: directed willpower.
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If you are what you say you are
A superstar
Then have no fear, the crowd is here
And the lights are on
And they want a show, oh, oh, oh, yeah
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I do edit, at times, but just like an elf would. Or a fairy. It can feel like it takes time from something else, but time never takes anything. And we’re talking about elves and fairies here, so I guess I’ve found my tribe. I like how this process mirrors thinking itself: how we can transform beliefs from the past into perspectives for the future. Rebuild from the inside out. Whenever an idea to change something for the better won’t let me sleep at night, or do anything during the day, I listen. It’s like all the bees in the world are softly and patiently buzzing. Until they grow loud. Until it’s all I can hear. It’s love. Love for what I do. For who I share it with. For who I’m falling in love with. For who I can be monsters with. Together. The music in Frankenstein is suave. But there’s a musicality to Guillermo del Toro’s film that has nothing to do with music — and everything to do with the magic music pours into our lives. Frankenstein — the film. Frankenstein — the Creature.
Some songs enter your life and pop up throughout it — mystically — at moments that just refuse to be ordinary, as Diane Keaton would say, that you spot instantly as soon as the song starts out of nowhere. It’s not one of the anthems you adore and could listen to every day. Who knows. Knows. It’s a song you don’t know much about, but you don’t feel the need to, it feels right. It’s the connection to it that has been weaving, dot by dot, the thread called life — started who knows when — visible only in hindsight. Superstar by Lupe Fiasco is one of those songs for me.
Future starts in the present moment, when The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face by Roberta Flack emerges from that same nowhere, and you fall under a spell you yourself authored. You, the stars. The Creature, the superstar. The moment of recognition is nothingness and everything, all at once.
