Attention! The Word Rollercoaster Will Show Up Many Times In Here

October 21, 2022


Life is like a rollercoaster. Now you’re up, now you’re down, maybe the reason behind our pleasure to get on one. It reminds us to live. Don’t say it’s only the adrenaline speaking, Christmas has just passed, New Year’s Eve is only a couple of hours away and, at Christmas and New Year’s Eve, it feels like it matters even more who you’re on the rollercoaster with .

It’s the magic.

Christmas is soothing and peaceful, New Year’s Eve can be, at times, full of anxiety, yet they both make us look inside and want to stay there a little longer. Whilst decorating the Christmas tree, having dinner with loved ones, watching Home Alone or Love Actually. Or Jerry Maguire, or As Good As It Gets. Or Bird On A Wire.

Or Richie Rich. We, apparently, have everything, but everything doesn’t feel like everything until everything is shared. When you have someone to scream along on the rollercoaster with and, at the end of the ride, go and see the hilarious picture of you two, with mouths as big as Hawaii, that’s so hilarious you question whether to buy it or not, you buy it, of course, and grin, uncontrollably. Years later.

Your stomach in your throat, the laughter, the screaming, the joy, the emotions come out of the picture and into your eyes.

Actual photographs. Framed. One versus 16.000, let’s say, in my phone, at the moment. (16.000!). I keep on telling myself to copy paste them somewhere, but it seems like I’m postponing this moment for another one. Every time I want to find a specific picture, I browse through the thousands of pictures and feel like I’m watching a couple of movies, simultaneously, while going from one feeling to another. I smile, I come up with an idea or turn off the phone and come up with another idea. I lose myself and I like it. Inside of me.

I like the year that’s just ended, too, with loads of stuff, but, most of all, with loads of emotions. Somehow. With choices. Conscious choices. With people I’d attached incredibly fast to, with people I’d detached, slowly, but divinely guided, from. Experiences. So many feelings, all at once, a lot of the times.

Just like on the first free fall on the rollercoaster ride, the one that, literally, suspends you in the air. It’s the emotions that, metaphorically, make you forget about everything and live in the moment.

Here comes one more loop, whoop!

People… It’s during this year that I’ve realised, with some sort of sadness (it might’ve, always, been this way, contrary to my belief of it being ideal, don’t ask), that a lot of people got to interact out of some sort of interest than out of the beauty of interacting, solely. Of the pleasure of doing the things that they’re doing. The passion. The joy. Just like when we were kids or just like when we’re the luckiest and we fall in love. Uncontrollably. For some, it might be wasted time, they don’t pay attention and you can see it in their eyes. In fact, it’s the some that didn’t sense any pleasure in loving unconditionally, as kids, neither, back when we didn’t know what unconditional meant, we just felt and acted on it accordingly. Kids are different, too, we all have different missions, we all, however, want the same thing and we just choose the way to it.

On the other hand, there are some who for this kind of moments live. Who enjoy the pleasure. Hallelujah!

Oh, how important it is who you’re on the rollercoaster with! And the backbone. Mine. Yours. Ours.

Aside from the one in anatomy, the backbone is a form of love, too. Self love, in the first place. Someone or something, the force each of us chooses to believe in, put together the universe for us, people, the force each of us chooses to believe in, to put together our own universes, just the way we like them, like living in. It’s just as simple, at times, as it is romantic and naive. It’s us, however, the people, that complicate it for the sake of making our lives complicated(?!).

It’s my response to the why I’m passionate about style and about what we choose in life…

Sometimes, it’s just the noise that we hope will fill a void, just as it is with clothes, but the void is so pleasant when it doesn’t need any noise, just as it is with clothes, when it becomes the home for silence. The real one we can only share with the one.

The silence and the rollercoaster. And movies like Donnie Darko, Gattaca, Léon, Demolition, The Secretary, Vanilla Sky, The Enemy, La Vita E Bella. Or the soundtrack of Focus. The sunsets. Nature. Concerts. The Christmas tree. Music. Food. Poetry. Air.

It’s where a dilemma of mine comes in. Are you the one with the stories that another one just listens to? Or are you the one who shares everything, not only stories, with that another one who wants everything, too, and knows the way to take you places that only that another one knows about? That another one and you. You both write your story.

The following excerpt belongs to a poem that is so beautiful in its original form, that I haven’t found the translation of, so I will try my best to do it myself, I just like it too much not to.

And as Apolodor was walking
Gripped with horror, thinking:
“This is where I’m meant to die!”
Bumps into an oasis on his way
Full of shadow and cool, 
With trees in full bloom, 
Big jasmine bushes,
Good spring water.

Apolodor drank,
Sang with joy…

From above, hidden just besides the sky,
On a branch of a palm tree
Was listening, with fear, at first,
A very little monkey.

He was singing enchantingly,
With his sweet voice of a tenor…

And she felt a new beginning
Of an unfamiliar feeling,
Something between yearning and longing,
A commotion, a shiver,
That something, profound and mute
(In any case, very pleasing)
We all call love.

The Apolodor Book, by Gelly Naum (Cartea cu Apolodor, by Gellu Naum)

I’d almost tattoo it on my wrist. Kidding, dad!

Dilemma solved.

Life is interesting when you’re interested in life, also. If you’re willing to dive deep, to dive into the deepest you. To be happy with you, everything you know and feel versus what you see in others. Real versus virtual… We get to knowing ourselves again, the better you start to know yourself, the more interesting everything gets, to presence, to having a backbone, to acceptance or to working on you until you’re happy with you, so that, afterwards, you can truly be happy with someone else. That someone else just as happy as yourself.

Aaaaa! The rollercoaster! 🤷🏼‍♀️

And the getting ready for the party! 🏄‍♀️

Later edit: let the party begin!

In your mailbox would be ideal, yet in your e-mail is pretty close, yay!
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Hey, this is Cristina Pavelescu wearing a music cassette sweater, decoding (life) style and writing from wherever, yet always living in OZ, a world I invite you into. To smile in front of our screens (and live one day), put any kind of questions, answer in writing (or imagination) and marvel at fashion which is, in fact, style.


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