Life is like a rollercoaster. Now you’re up, now you’re down, possibly the reason behind our pleasure to get on one. It reminds us to live. Don’t say it’s only the adrenaline speaking, Christmas has just passed, New Year’s only a couple of hours away and, at Christmas, on New Year’s Eve, it feels like it matters even more who you’re on the rollercoaster with.
It’s the magic.
Christmas is soothing and peaceful, New Year can be, at times, full of anxiety, yet they both make us look inside and want to stay there a little longer. Whilst decorating the Christmas tree, having dinner with the loved ones, watching Home Alone or Jerry Maguire, or As Good As It Gets. Or Bird On A Wire.
Or Richie Rich. We, apparently, have everything, but everything doesn’t feel like everything until everything is shared. When you have someone to scream along on the rollercoaster with and, at the end of the ride, go and see the hilarious picture of you two, with mouths as big as Hawaii, that’s so hilarious you question whether to buy it or not, you buy it, of course, and grin, uncontrollably. Years later.
Your stomach in your throat, the laughter, the screaming, the joy, the emotions, all of it comes out of your eyes, flies into the picture and back to your soul again.
Actual photographs. Framed. One versus 16.000, let’s say, in my phone, at the moment. (16.000!). I keep on telling myself to copy paste them somewhere, but it seems like I’m postponing this moment for another one. Every time I want to find a specific picture, I browse through the thousands of pictures and feel like I’m watching a couple of movies, simultaneously, while going from one feeling to another. I smile, feel an idea coming in, turn off the phone only to turn it on again and write, whoop, another idea coming in. I lose myself and I like it. Inside.
I like the year that’s just ended, too, with loads of stuff, but, most of all, with loads of emotions. Somehow. With choices. Conscious choices. With people I’d attached incredibly fast to, with people I’d detached, slowly, but divinely guided, from. Experiences. So many feelings, all at once, a lot of the times.
Just like on the first free fall on the rollercoaster ride, the one that, literally, suspends you in the air. It’s the emotions that, metaphorically, make you forget about everything and live in the moment.
Here comes one more loop, whoop!
People… It’s during this year that I’ve realised, with some sort of sadness – it might’ve, always, been this way, but believing in ideals might’ve brought you here, hello – that a lot of people interact out of some sort of interest than out of the beauty of simply interacting. Out of the pleasure of doing the things that they’re doing. The passion. The joy. Just like when we were kids or just like when we are the luckiest and we fall in love. Uncontrollably. For some, it might be wasted time, they don’t pay attention and you can see it in their eyes, you learn that that’s ok, too. In fact, it’s the some that didn’t sense any pleasure in loving unconditionally, as kids, neither, back when we didn’t know what unconditional meant, we just felt and acted on it accordingly. Kids are just as different as adults are. On one hand. We all have different missions. We all, however, want the same thing and we just choose the way to it.
On the other hand, there are some who for this kind of moments live. Who enjoy the pleasure. Hallelujah!
It’s who you’re on the rollercoaster with that matters. And the backbone! Mine. Yours. Ours.
Aside from the one in anatomy, the backbone is a form of love, too. Self love, in the first place. Someone or something – the force each of us chooses to believe in – put together the universe for us, people – the force each of us chooses to believe in – to put together our own universes, just the way we like them, like living in. It’s just as simple, at times, as it is romantic and naive. It’s also the people, however, who complicate it for the sake of making life complicated(?!).
It’s my response to the why I’m passionate about style and about what we choose in life… And turned on by sexy wit. Wit is nothing but sexy, anyway, hey, but so is an emphasis when it feels right.
Sometimes, it’s just the noise that you hope will fill a void, just as it is with clothes, but the void is so pleasant when it doesn’t need any noise, just as it is with clothes. When the void is, simply, home for stillness. The real one we can only share with the one.
The stillness and the rollercoaster. And movies like Donnie Darko, Gattaca, Léon, Demolition, The Secretary, Vanilla Sky, The Enemy, La Vita E Bella. Or the soundtrack of Focus. The sunsets. Nature. Concerts. The Christmas tree. Music. Food. Poetry. Air.
It’s where a dilemma of mine comes in. Are you the one with the stories that another one just listens to? Or are you the one who shares everything – not only one’s stories – with that another one who wants everything, too, and knows the way to take you places that only that another one knows about? That another one and you. You both write your story.
The following excerpt belongs to a poem that is so beautiful in its original form. I haven’t found any translation of it, so I’ll do my best to do it myself, I just like it too much not to. Apolodor is a penguin, by the way.
And as Apolodor was walking
Gripped with horror, thinking:
“This is where I’m meant to die!”
Bumps into an oasis on his way
Full of shadow and cool,
With trees in full bloom,
Big jasmine bushes,
Good spring water.
Sang with joy…
From above, hidden just underneath the sky,
On a branch of a palm tree
Was listening, with fear, at first,
A very little monkey.
He was singing enchantingly,
With his sweet voice of a tenor…
She felt a new beginning
Of an unfamiliar feeling,
Something between yearning and longing,
A commotion, a shiver,
That something, profound and mute
(In any case, very pleasing)
We all call love.
The Apolodor Book, by Gelly Naum (Cartea cu Apolodor, by Gellu Naum)
I’d almost tattoo it on my wrist. Kidding, dad!
Life is interesting when you’re interested in life, also. If you’re willing to dive deep, to dive into your deepest you. To be happy with you, with everything you know and feel versus what you sense in others. Real versus not real… We get to knowing ourselves again. The better you start to know yourself, the more interesting everything gets. To presence, to having a backbone, to acceptance or to working on you until you’re happy with you, so that, afterwards, you can be truly happy with someone else. That someone else just as happy as you.
Aaaa! The rollercoaster! ??♀️
And the getting ready for the party! ?♀️
Later edit: let the party begin!