This Is Whatever You Want This To Be

June 21, 2016

You know? I know. What we can see on the outside is, sometimes, nothing compared to what blows our minds, on the inside. What? Well, not nothing-nothing, of course, the outside is magnificent, but if you’re an adrenaline junkie, a sucker for answers and your imagination is dying to explore and to be explored, you know what I mean.

It’s only you that can see inside of you, so that turns every day into a trip day. Only you and that one (the one) that sees right through you, but that’s chemistry and we’ll get there, one day.

I said I know, so I’ll go. My mind is, constantly, in this turmoil to do the right thing, to do a lot of things; it overthinks and overanalyses. I need to get away. The anxiety is almost on fire, but, luckily, I AM fire. I take some days off from almost everything. Mentally. It’s when I stop, for a bit, and retreat – in this secret world that exists right there… in public, unnoticed, that no one else knows about – on the inside. It’s when love comes in and, even if only for a glance, love calms all my thoughts down or makes them vanish away altogether and I feel like breathing again. Living in the moment. In the present. The magnificent present. The running no more, bae. It’s when the two magnificents meet. Kiss. 

It feels like I should be doing something, everyone seems to be running or something, but my heart nudges me in here. Being here makes me feel sane, so, yes, this is me being sane, hello.

I’ve been skipping my yoga class, for a week, not even on purpose, and I miss it. Finding something that makes you calm might be the glue in the kiss above. Ew, glue in a kiss? Come on, you know the grip I’m talking here about. Being here makes me calm. Cheese anyone? I know, I know. But, it does!

Friends tell me that I’m worse at messaging than the people they’re in relationships with. It takes a while, at times, I’ll admit, and it’s not something I take any pride in. It happens organically. You know the Durex commercial where spermatozoids are trying to get to the ovule, bang their heads against it, in an attempt to penetrate it? This is me. The ovule. There are a couple of friends who succeed to get in, we have babies, the time of our lives and we live happily ever after. You get my point.

And meet my imagination.

I don’t want to escape the feeling of feeling. Hugging, talking about the universe, reading a book, magazine, watching a movie, having a youtube party, eating, writing, laying in the sun, on a Sunday afternoon, with a friend, over a conversation about life, over a glass of wine, over making ourselves laugh on Snapchat, anything that makes me happy only makes me want it more. 

It can get contagious, too, which only makes it even more appealing to me. There’s something about Snapchat, at the moment. I do it for my own fun and doing stuff for myself alone is so damn rare that I cherish it the way Madonna cherished the love in the ’90s. It’s this secret world that exists right there… in public, unnoticed, that no one else knows about. From, maybe, 20 videos I make, at traffic lights or in bed, I would, maybe, post one, but the rest of them are for my own party. 

Cherish cherries.

Instagram is for inspiration, fashion, feelings, stories, music, movies, traveling, for finding out stuff, for being in touch with the secret world no one knows about.

Twitter I just used once to ~steal~ a thumbs-up from Melanie of All Saints herself (!) upon having writen a piece about them. I’ve always been a fan and when I like, I love. Melanie liked it, too, yoohoo.

Facebook… Well. Facebook makes me noxious. Oh-so noxious. Still, it is the most useful tool when you want to get to people and I want to get to you and if Facebook is the one that brought you here, then Facebook… I love you and I hate you, all at once.

The best part about social media, I must admit, is that it can, rapidly, draw attention to something big, like mental health, for instance. Raising awareness of it, hopefully, helps a handful of individuals. It’s all about balance, nevertheless, and balance comes from calmness.

That world, this world, where do we, actually, live? I believe we create a world we love inside of us, then get it into the physical world and continue to create it. To dream with our eyes open and, so, aware of the world within, at all times. To live. The way we want to live. Ok, gotta run to my yoga class, bae.

Back. Back from yoga, everything seems different. Clearer. Cleaner. When you find your thing, you start to free your mind. Start again. Again and again. A peach can be a thing, too. Fancy. A peach can put you back on track and boom, you’re alive!

Yes, this is personal, but almost everything these days seems so unpersonal. What’s wrong with personal? I dare you.

Hey, this is Cristina Pavelescu wearing a music cassette sweater, decoding (life) style and writing from wherever, yet always living in OZ, a world I invite you into. To smile in front of our screens (and live one day), put any kind of questions, answer in writing (or imagination) and marvel at fashion which is, in fact, style.


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