This Is Whatever You Want This To Be

June 21, 2016

You know?

I know. When thinking of what we can see on the outside when, in fact, it’s the inside that, actually, blows our minds. What? That is if you are an adrenaline/answers junkie or you have a very rich imagination that wants to be explored.

There, where only you can see inside of you. And that one (the one) that sees right through you. But that’s chemistry and we’ll get there, one day.

So I said I know, so I’ll go. My mind is, constantly, in this turmoil to do the right thing, to do a lot of things; it’s battling, in general. It overthinks and overanalyses. And I stop for a bit and retreat in my head – in the parallel world – on the inside. This is where love comes in and, even if just for a glance, it calms all my thoughts down or makes them vanish away and I feel like breathing again. Living the moment. The present. The magnificent. The running no more, Beyoncé.

But, then, there are moments like this. When it feels like I need to get away, because the anxiety is almost on fire, but, luckily, I AM fire. I take some days off from almost everything. When it feels like I should be doing something, yet all I choose to do is being here. Being here makes me the most sane, so, yes, this is me being sane, hello.

Maybe it’s just the fact that I’ve been skipping my yoga class for a week and, now, I miss it. Maybe this is all what this should be about. Finding something that makes you calm. Being here makes me calm.

Cheese anyone? I know. But it does!

I find myself in situations where friends tell me that I’m worse at messaging than the people they are in relationships with. It takes a while. Do you know the Durex commercials where the spermatozoids are trying to get to the ovule and they all bang their heads towards it when trying to penetrate it? This is me. The ovule. There are a few friends who succeed to get in and we have babies and the time of our lives and we live happily ever after. You get my point.

And meet my imagination.

It just feels like I don’t want to escape the feeling of feeling. May it be hugging, talking about the universe, reading a book, magazine, watching a movie, having a youtube party, eating, writing. May it be laying in the sun, on a Sunday afternoon, with a best friend, over a conversation about life, over a glass of wine, over making ourselves laugh on Snapchat.

It can get contagious, too, which only makes it even more of a happy tool to me. This is the thing with Snapchat. I just do it for myself and doing stuff only for myself is so damn rare that I cherish it the way Madonna cherished the love in the ’90s.

Cherish cherries.

It is the parallel world we were talking about earlier. And from, let’s say, 20 videos I’d made at traffic lights or in bed, I would (maybe) post one, but the rest of them are for my own party. On the inside.

Instagram is for inspiration, for finding out stuff, for being in touch with the parallel world I choose to live in. Fashion, feelings, stories, music, movies, travelling.

Twitter I just used once to ~ steal ~ a thumbs-up from Melanie of All Saints herself (!) upon having writen a piece about them. I’ve always been a fan and when I like, I love. Melanie liked it, too, yoohoo.

Facebook… Well. Facebook makes me noxious. Oh-so noxious. Still, it is the most useful tool when you want to get to people and I want to get to you and if Facebook is the one that brought you here, then Facebook… I love you and I hate you all at once.

The best part about social media, I must admit, is that it can, rapidly, draw attention to a great cause, like mental health, for instance is. Raising awareness about it, definitely, helps a handful of individuals.

Setting that aside, however, where do we live? In which one of the worlds? I think we create a world we love inside of us, then get it into reality (hopefully) and continue to create it. To dream with our eyes open. To live. How we want to live.

Ok, now I am running (running, running) to my yoga class, Bae. Byes.

Back. Back from yoga everything seems different. Clearer. Cleaner. So, the point is to find your thing – yoga, singing, dancing (!) – and free your mind. Start again. Again and again.

At other times, though, it can be a peach that takes you back on track. A peach and boom, you’re alive!

Yes, this is personal, but everything these days just seems so unpersonal. What’s wrong with personal? Dare to be personal with yourself, just saying.

In your mailbox would be ideal, yet in your e-mail is pretty close, yay!
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Hey, this is Cristina Pavelescu wearing a music cassette sweater, decoding (life) style and writing from wherever, yet always living in OZ, a world I invite you into. To smile in front of our screens (and live one day), put any kind of questions, answer in writing (or imagination) and marvel at fashion which is, in fact, style.


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