The Beat

April 19, 2023

You know what it feels like when you catch a glimpse of the sea? You start to hear it. Now, it’s in front of you. Can you imagine it? Delightfully lighted at all times. Doing her thing. It’s what Fontana di Trevi felt like to me.

Feeling the engine of the plane ready to take off, in my stomach, just before sunrise, on my birthday, is one of the best feelings ever. Ever, ever. Lots of feels and feelings here. Good morning! I’ve always had this dream freely floating, no matter what was going on, of flying, early in the morning, wherever I wanted to, for an entire day, then flying back into home’s bed, late in the night. An extra walk. Museum. A beach day. Lunch. Ice cream. For weeks, months, years wherever forever.

Waking up ahead of the alarm, on your birthday, at 2.14 a.m., is another feeling. Travelling with your handbag only is one more. I love my cool black Mickey Mouse suitcase, but the easiness and flow of getting in the mix of clothes you know you’re at your best at, in a specific moment in time, grabbing the handbag and flying away – let’s go and see the stars, the Milky Way or even Mars – is, yes, freeing. I knew I said freely for a reason. Subtly was another word that came to mind.

It’s the kind of freedom that feels like pure happiness. You can’t see it, but what you feel is on a completely different level. And it’s there at all times, no matter what, for you to grasp on. Remember about. Indulge in. It’s true. Just like you can’t outrun the sun is. Attractive. It’s all the emotions, and stories, and ups, and downs, and relationships, and thoughts, and ships, and movies, and dreams, and determination, and laughter, and sparkles, and tears, and no tears, and surprises, and decisions, and challenges, and revelations, and, yes, feelings that got you here. Now. Today. 

Landing, very early in the morning, on a land where everyone spoke Italian, made me say ciao in a specific tone that made me giggle inside on every occasion. It’s Rome’s soul that I, kind of always, have been sensing the essence of whenever Rome bumped into my life. It’s in the movies that I saw Rome, but tried to focus on the action rather than Rome. It’s from the people’s stories about Rome that I heard about Rome, but tried to focus on people’s stories. Obviously, obviously, feeling Rome all over the place at all times. Something inside of me just knew. Freely floating. And knew I wanted to, first, feel Rome myself. Is this what love at first sight means?

An embrace that feels like a song to me. A specific song that I’m writing. I can feel it in my head. Yes, feel. I can play it in my heart. Stardust. Cute, sexy. Sexy in that I just like it so much. Filthy cute. It’s pure love, it’s that pristine idea that makes you instantly happy. It’s in a way that just flows. The greatest love of all. Music gets away with lots of things. Naturally, it’s magical. It wasn’t raining yet, but it was definitely a little misty on my Sunday birthday morning in Rome. Then, the sun came out. Another round of very fine raindrops followed. Sprinkles of sparkles. Then, the sun just took off.

It was sprinkling as I was getting out of the airport, thought well, ciao, and thanked the hoodie for being with me, keeping my hair safe – I knew I felt inspired to wear it, on the day, for a reason – while strolling through the streets of Rome and quickly texting the people that I love and love me. This year, the 16th of April happened to be on one of the Easter Sundays. A lot going on which is, in fact, flying. Mm, my soul is shining. I was following city mapper’s directions, smiling at my phone (and myself), in the still pretty empty streets, spring springing in my steps, under the light rain, when I landed in Piazza di Trevi. There it was. Candid. Glorious. In the streets, amongst buildings and a couple of gelaterias. Felt like it deserved an entire Vatican around it. Felt like it wanted to be amongst people, at the same time. Humbling. Felt like you could have a chat with it. You and a couple of other hundreds of people. For weeks, months, years wherever forever. Felt a subtle awe in the air. Felt pure. No amount of phones could have ever outrun its majesty, this just in! I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. Or phone from my bag. A calm, yet out of this world kind of feeling. And calm again, yet out of this world. Out of this world that actually feels like your soul.

One of the things I like about this bag is that it transforms into a whimsical box. Its badass chic handles… Holding them the whole day long feels like holding someone’s hand, I now come to this conclusion that I really, really like. When it’s not the strap you designed for yourself and attached to the bag, to one of your favourite bags, wrapping around the whole of you on. You’re in sync. Do you hear dead ass, dead ass, I’m dead ass, too? Badass, but sweet, you know the beat. I fell for the bag the second I saw it on the internet, a long time ago, and got it on the spot. It’s one of those things. I would add an inside pocket (passport, keys, important s*it, a coin), too, but you know me.

The leggings were there for a big reason. I knew I wanted to hug Rome, so something close to athleisure I knew would, definitely, do the trick. Black velvet meets twenty five kilometres kind of thing. Slick.

As the sun was coming out, by 10 a.m., from beneath the clouds, a desire to be in its light was rising along with it and there was nothing else for me to do but to, soothingly, surrender. Romantic, romantic, but walking alight through the narrow streets, in what felt like a mystical labyrinth, to get into its warmth, felt like a mission. When I, suddenly, stepped into Piazza Venezzia, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, the sun was in plain sight, sigh! Ciao!

These particular chucks with some sort of particular socks resemble spring to me. Joy. On the inside for sure, but when the inside meets the outside, you know, style is born. Harmony. Familiar feeling. Diaphanous in all its comfiness. These chucks are light and have red stars. These socks are plush and have four sparkled black stripes.

Colosseum, from afar, entered my sphere. Grand, surprising. When in Rome, one can walk, and walk, and walk, and not forget, not even for a minute, one’s in Rome. Everything is everything and it’s out there, in here, everywhere forever.

Hm, I’d also like to feel cozy all day long and, as much as possible, make sure that I’m warm is what I told my bestie over the phone, while sharing the excitement, the screaming with excitement and going through the combos I’d made, in a glance, right before getting into my pajamas, on the night before, whooh, about the gray hoodie.

Right before the time I was born, it started to sparkle again. It was fantastic. Intense. It happened right at the Vatican. As I was approaching it, I could feel a gentle buzz trembling. You know what it feels like when you start to hear the waves? Warm. Warmer. Disco. Now, the ocean is in front of you. Can you imagine it? This time, it’s 360. Hot. Almighty. I stopped in the middle of the square. I stood there, held it in. The sky was fabulous, the soft spring wind was connecting us all. Us all, yes, and us all in the entire square, people waiting in lines and myself not waiting for anything. Just absorbing. The sun started to take off.

My parents always wish me Happy Birthday right on the time I was born. Aren’t happy tears something? Remembering how to breathe. Every time. When I saw the time approaching, on the big clocks on the left and right of San Pietro Basilica, I flew to get my phone I’d left to charge in a coffee shop near by, where people made me feel like home and I didn’t even tell them it was my birthday, awm, and came back. Something pulled me back. Back into the middle of the square, right in front of it, in front of San Pietro Basilica and I was in awe again. Renaissance style. I just couldn’t take my eyes or mind off of it. The heart was at the centre of it all.

Purity, to me, is perfection. Just like authenticity, to style, is. Or life, really. Then, one day, we start to see the beauty in the imperfections. Just like we do in life. In the pure imperfections. Purity is perfection, which, to me, is pure happiness. Tying up with passion. Mouth watering. Flying. Fly like an eagle, let that spirit carry me, I wanna fly, fly right into the future, do you hear it, too? Into the truth that you, firmly, stand in. Your truth.

Yup, none of the combos above made the cut, but a mix of them, the best of them, in the very early in the morning moment, did. The gray sparkling tank top, no one knew about, was underneath it all. But U did. Haha. I did is what I’d intended on typing, but U happened to be near I, on my keys.

Battery must like to fly, too, but if this means walking on a street you like that takes you to a lovely piazza you like, to an Italian restaurant the vibe of you like, to put it to charge in, and it’s also your birthday… You write your own story. Something good, pasta. Something good, wine. I know I wrote mine. Instinctively.

Mm, that fine buzz. 

I was intentionally walking towards it, stopped on the way here and there, consciously expanding, got back on track, walked some more, I knew we were getting close and it, still, felt like I bumped into it. It, still, felt like a surprise, a feast for the eyes. A gelato happened to be on my lips in that precise moment. Of course it did. I stopped at a gelateria, just before, a random gelateria, I thought to myself, I knew I was not leaving Rome without an ice cream, get on top. As I was taking just a taste and putting my feet back in the street, guess who showed up right in front of me. Hm, nothing was random about it, after all. Of course it wasn’t. I sank in the atmosphere, took a picture, loved having ice cream in my hair for a minute. I love having ice cream in my hair for a minute.

Up here feels good, I thought, but as I was tossing up my hair in a bun, an impulse took over, I passed through the smiling, rumbling crowd and got down, into the perfect spot, all in a matter of seconds that felt like a treasure forever, on the lap of Fontana di Trevi. In the afternoon spring light. In an instant, everything was perfect. Sublime. Just as every instant always is. One picture, OK, two, wishes coming true and a coin from Bali (funny, funny) that happened to be in my bag, to mark the moment. It’s interesting how this coin, one day, slipped into this particular bag. Almost unnoticeably, but ciao! 500 something stamped on it. I liked it. Why hold on to a memory I will treasure forever, anyway, instead of creating a completely new one? Let the past nourish your future sounds nourishing. You’re being taken to places you couldn’t have imagined or planned for, anyway.

When I was up there, I thought Nah, I know what I want and this is so cheesy, but making a wish, on my birthday, while throwing the coin in Fontana di Trevi, in the afternoon spring light, was so fun. I can’t imagine myself ever saying no to a bite of delicious parmigiana, you know what I mean? Oh, and after that, in all that (jazz), a boy, all of a sudden, proposed to a girl and she said yes. The cheers and the round of applause got everyone’s attention and, for a second, it felt like we were all clinking champagne.

Falling asleep on a flight felt pretty new to me. It happened on the flight back. When I woke up, for a flash, in a flash, and looked out the window, I was amazed at the thought of me sleeping, yes, but I was even more so amazed by the stars, so graceful, so close, in our bed, the sky. I thought Ooh, I hope I wake up one more time, out of the blue, and see you all, so clear, so close, one more time, before we land and so I did. Yes! Fell back asleep right away. Miraculously.

Way more than twenty four hours of almost no sleep and loads of living. With music intimately enjoyed between your ears only. Not all the time, because battery is battery, you need to charge it, and when you do, beware of the moments that might get into your memory forever. Or don’t, it’s up to you. But, oh, when your battery is full and your head is in Italy, oh-oh…

I might not be the biggest planner, I love a vision, but when I plan two days in advance, through an entire orchestra of moments that lead to a day charged with an entire orchestra of moments, a really good plan comes true. Peacefully. Exciting. It’s the beat. The red trench? Is in just as much awe of this moment in time as I am. Thank you to everyone who participated in the sparkling way we all adore. It’s love! Overflow of love. Real love. Fearless love. Soothing love. Love! Love love love love love. Here we go.

Life evolves in unforeseen ways, so to stay open to and embrace change is, basically, life giving you a huge hug. You took the decision to grow. You know your path is about becoming your true self. Clarity keeps on coming in waves. You can’t predict what’s going to happen in your life, why trying to control the current? It might just release the eccentric in you. It’s okay to be different. Think different. We, certainly, know what the waves are doing. Their thing. As everything happens for us, change comes in genuinely. It’s up to us. You can choose to be a butterfly today and a dragon tomorrow or vice-versa. It’s only one of you in this world and, you know me, the other one who sees you. Magnetic. 

Intimate, intimate, but isn’t sharing something wonderful with someone you love the s*it? It is to me.

Hey, this is Cristina Pavelescu wearing a music cassette sweater, decoding (life) style and writing from wherever, yet always living in OZ, a world I invite you into. To smile in front of our screens (and live one day), put any kind of questions, answer in writing (or imagination) and marvel at fashion which is, in fact, style.


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