Your nervous system will naturally feel calm around people with pure intentions and authentic energy, trust it popped out of nowhere, wink, the other days, and I’ve just referenced it to my bestie, over the phone, in one of our Called you to tell you this joke turned deep disco two hours conversations. Fantastic and here we are, full circle. Three hours later, she calls to tell me the joke. It’s real and interesting, so it’s funny, success! Music is blasting through the speaker in the bedroom and I’m spinning, dancing, sitting, laying, you know the drill.

Circles. Listening to a song, as loud as it can go, in your headphones, on repeat, for as long as your run in the morning, comes close to what people described their experience with music on mushrooms to be like. I wondered, then, whether what I was experiencing with music, without being on anything, was what people described their experience with music on mushrooms to be like . At any time of day or night. Something fabulous in my hands, though, goes perfectly with it, I must confess. A peach. A hand. I will find out one day. Until then, since this is something I’ve been doing for as long as I basically know myself, I can boldly claim that it’s one of the best feelings out there. For me. It doesn’t happen on demand, it just happens when it happens. And I’m sucked into this moment in time that feels like fresh air, like you can actually hear your heart beating, calm, then extreme. Feels like staring into a gem, into one’s eyes, good loving kissing, anything grand that comes to mind. Wait, that’s the trick, you forget about the mind, this is what this moment is all about.

Dad calling me this morning, on the 1st of June, maybe for the first time ever, this early, in the morning of the 1st of June, just to congratulate me, is another feeling like that. 

Or mom calling, a couple of days before, to ask me if I heard about, if I heard about… I said that I did. It was about Tina. It’s sad, but it’s the beauty Tina brought into my relationship with mom that’s way more beautiful than it is sad. It’s the beauty that Tina brought. Full stop. The fine line between a fairy and family. It’s not just about her music, her music was, is just as much, in our house, as it was, is anyone else’s we liked, it was, is something. Music is magical, oui, but it’s, also, about mom calling me Tina, short for Cristina, ever since I can remember myself. Not all the time, only once in a while, in circumstances I can’t put in a box, but can attach a certain tone to. It’s always felt natural, I can’t imagine Tina coming from anyone else but mom. It comes with a sort of seriousness or responsibility, I’m sure she hasn’t been calling me Tina to reference The Tina (although she herself is a fan), yet there’s something so soft to this intersection. Obviously, without a doubt, somewhere in the back of my mind, Tina, as a fairy, pops out every time. Then, my mom and I discuss the matter she was calling my name for, it’s particular, it’s when Tina becomes family.

A question was asked to me once. Do you get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say to yourself Ooh, you’re Tina Turner and you’re the best. My answer was Absolutely no. I’m far removed from my stage persona when I am home. I’ve never allowed Tina Turner to totally take over my life. I love being me too much. I love me more than I love the personification of my career. It’s two totally separate – if we can call it – entities. On stage, I’m performing, short dress, hair, I’m giving a show. I like to give the show wholehearted, every inch of whatever I can do to please the people. But offstage, I consider myself really a great person! I like me very much. I like Anna Mae Bullock. It’s a different personality, because I’m not acting, I’m myself and I’m enjoying that very much. Even now, casually said Tina, in an interview popping out on my Instagram.

The Best… Where do I even begin? The beginning. This song, ooh, is one of the hymns I marched into what I had no clue would have become one of the best things life is gifting us with. Dancing. And when that dancing is shared with someone who enjoys dancing, too, ooh, few things come close to that. I keep on saying few things, but if I were to add every time I’ve ever said few things come close to, ooh, quite a few times would be the signs of the times. See? 

When The Best used to start, around 5 a.m., in the club we loved, or at the parties we gave ourselves, at our homes, when the parents were away, or at some place we went on holiday with our then boyfriends, nothing would stop Ral and me from standing up – no one was sitting around ever, anyway, it’s why we were out, to begin with, to dance the whole night through! – and forgetting about everything. No heels were too high, no pain, no gain. We were unstoppable and all the people around were calling me bébé.

As soon as the first notes hit the speakers, swoosh, a space rocket would take us somewhere, dancing and singing along as if the two of us only were on the dance floor. From the beginning of our dancing era. Of our lives. Teenagers turned grown-ups with a sort of Tina twist that feels like forever. It really didn’t matter whether it were only us on the planet or what, nothing could stop us from, literally, dragging each other, on the dance floor, or on a big speaker, a table, a chair, anything that resembled the stage, or on the actual stage in the club, and throwing our hair in the air. The atmosphere was, is key. And so was, is the authentic energy. The first notes and, swoosh, the space rocket was ready and so were we.

Then, we discovered the live version of Proud Mary, performed by Tina and Beyoncé, and we were hooked. Something greater than us (or was it the best of us, huh) took over, and it was, is, one of the best feelings out there. See? Jees. Joy. Every now and then, we kinda like to do things nice and easy, but somehow we never, ever do nothing completely nice and easy, you know why, why, you know why, why, because we like to do it, we like to do it, we like to do it nice and rough(!!!!!!!). Long hair don’t care all over the place. This is the way we do Proud Mary. Pam, pam, pam, pam, pam. Left a good job in the city… It’s the beginning we enjoyed doing the most, but then lost it completely by the end. The choreography, every snap of fingers, the tone, the relaxation, the calm and the extreme, the vavavoom, present, present, present, present, present, present, present, lost it, told you.

It’s the fun that comes with the fearlessness. The mind, instantly, underlines its alignment with the body, the spirit, it’s this alignment that takes you to space, in fact, fun fact. It’s the fun that comes with vulnerability. You’re safe. Presence. You’re sucked into grace. Into being, into the truth, into everything. It’s everything Tina will forever be about. It’s passion, it’s more than just a word, but long hair don’t care. 

I’m, now, asking mom Why Tina. 

I just liked to call you Tina. 

So, no connection to Tina. 

I’ve always loved her energy.

Some things happen and, at times, it’s only later that you see their wondrous, sweet meaning. We saw the Tina HBO documentary together, a while ago. Tina was, is, indeed, everything we’ve always felt that she was, is, and so much more. Above all, a beautiful soul. It’s what connected us to her, at all times.

It’s interesting how you feel an indescribable intimacy with people from far away, while other people, right in your vicinity, are looking for ways to invade it without permission. Intention is a funny thing, you can’t see it, but it’s the pinkest elephant of them all. It speaks volumes when it comes from love, and you can’t stop from kissing people. It speaks volumes, also, when it comes from fear, and people start acting weird. Joy is forever here as your compass. As loud as it can go. And so is chemistry.

Long hair don’t care. My Gabi does care, though. She’s been cutting it for fifteen years, she always tells me to send her pictures after I style it myself, at home. She’s just as curious about hair as I am. I love her. And hair.

Whoop, a circle.