It feels so good it makes you take the decision to say f to anything that doesn’t come any close to what it feels like and, boom, the universe starts to rearrange itself for you.
Is what my fingers typed by themselves, not asking, not anything. I continued writing throughout the day, it’s all here, but it’s just now, when I saw the moon out the windows shining in the living room, after coming out of a hot bath, that I googled out of nowhere is what I might’ve been tempted to say before, but out of curiosity is what this googling does to me. And I love it, of course. It might’ve, also, been funny to let you be the one to google it yourself and myself go all metaphorical about it, but nope, here it is: You bounce between exhilaration, euphoria, increased energy, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, trembling, a racing heart and accelerated breathing, as well as anxiety, panic and feelings of despair when your relationship suffers even the smallest setback. It’s the first thing that showed up for me. It might work the same for you. Focus, Cristina. Yes.
Sometimes, it takes the form of a good lovin kinda weekend, good family love and everything that it has always implied your daydreaming about. You know how the moon is a satellite for the earth? Kinda like that. And then, you’re ready, the sun comes out. I’d almost continued with out of nowhere, the sun comes out of nowhere, but then full stopped. You bet! Somehow I know it’s something I must have daydreamed about. The exclamation point. The sun.
And you see the snow beautifully sprinkled all over the mountains you see from every window of the family house in the mountains, at night, when the moon, just like in the movies, but better because it’s live, shines its light everywhere throughout. You can actually hear the wind blowing, but in such a romantic kind of way, it’s not just the wind you see the sign of on the weather app, the wind becomes a character in the fairytale, because we’d left movies behind. For a second. The wind is, suddenly, magical, it’s like a surprise, but a serious one, a wake up call, at times, it’s definitely something outside of you and, yet, you feel its inner power. It makes you truly connect to yours. It might seem like you’re finally giving in, up, left, right, but it’s, in fact, the moment that, no matter the sleepless nights, you sit back in your bed and start to listen to the wind. It’s so loud. Blowing the snow. Making you think, feel, everything at once, you feel your… Your… Your sparkle? Yeah, it feels majestic and freeing at the same time. Majestic is freeing anyway, stars know what they’re about. A better word might be light. Majestic and light. But also whistling like there’s no tomorrow when you don’t let it be light. Just as it is. Coco Chanel said it best when removing the corsets from the crowds. Why would you want to wear something that doesn’t let you breathe?
Just out of curiosity, again, let’s see what comes up first for fairytale: A fairy tale is a short story set in a typically magical realm, with human characters as well as otherworldly beings, like witches and wizards. The heroes of these stories often face improbable scenarios against evil villains.
I’m wearing a Mickey headband, in black velvet, I got in a club I used to enjoy and dance a lot in for years in a row. Until it closed. That might explain a lot. I haven’t worn it since, but go figure. It has been, however, on one of the bedroom nightstand lamps at home ever since home happened, a while ago. It feels fresh every time to remind myself, in the first place, just how good clarity feels. Like good music does. You know the wind is out there all the time, it’s only sometimes that you can actually hear it. It not letting you sleep. It’s inspiration, vibration, thought, emotion, words, action. Private reconciliation. It’s as simple as paying attention to how you feel is. Buoyant. Flamboyant. It’s the times you need to be awake, it seems. Which is always, yes. But, man, some sweet sleep, the way it feels when it’s that sweet… M!
Now that you know what that truth of yours that sparkles feels like, you let yourself be guided by it. You might’ve not known, at first, what to do with it. It’s that powerful? Shit. It was there all along, now it’s in every cell of your body. You trust it. Does this mean your entire body, everything, is now sparkling? Yeah, I guess so. This is what it feels like. You take a bath from time to time (daily), in the bathtub, sea or ocean, pool. It’s when the sunbeam might touch you subtler, yet, there’s no doubt you enjoy that, too. The glimmer of light on water. You float. Sync in. They watch be dibidim. Get into the sunlight and how bow, you know what it feels like and, guess what, we’re only so lucky, the sun is out after every night.
This morning, while checking on the weather in order to decide whether to go out for a run or not, I saw that pretty cloudy is what they said the day was going to be about. Made the coffee. While drinking it, the sun came out of the clouds pretty quickly, so I obviously got out. On the balcony, ha, the fluffy baby blue robe with vibrantly coloured, the size of a palm butterflies on it, I wore in the house in the mountains ever since the house in the mountains happened, but then took it home, its hood on the head, a very warm off-white blanket on top and straight into the sun’s light. The pianos and the violins and the kids coming from the music school in front of me. For twenty or so minutes, coffee, perfect timing.
Got cloudy again. Mokay. Only for the snow to start gently, but then heavily (close to heavenly) fall from the sky. Mawh. As these words are coming out, guess who else is. Coming out. The sun. Again. Now that all of these words had come out, it all comes close to the weekend mentioned above. Yes, it was that good. Hardcore, at times, but just the opposite time after time. I guess this is what history in the making feels like. No joke, literally and metaphorically which here stands for literally, also. This doesn’t even need any metaphor anymore. It’s straight away love. Relax, love, as a thing, is… The thing. Sometimes, pure might scare you and as soon as you let the fear go, that’s when it becomes magnificent and light. Me, you, whoever’s bumped into true love.
It might’ve coincided with that wind whistling loudly in every cell of your body and there’s no such thing as (just) coincidence, it’s life speaking to you. No metaphor here either. And I love metaphors. I find them irresistible when they feel like something someone not only just refuses to keep in, but empoweringly decides to let out. That’s when you know it’s special. Think of Tarantino or, you know, Leo.
Last night, Tuesday night, just out of this past weekend and straight into the bathtub (it’s FEBRUARY RENAISSANCE, so it’s romantic af, hey, every month is), it’s not the, well, yeah, that too, memories, because it is, they are, it’s forever, it’s history, remember, but it’s the emotion, emotions of it bubbling to the surface, at the same time. All of them lead to Rome. Now that is a metaphor, it came instantly, decided to let it out. See? You know what that rhymes with.
So much love. This time, unconditionally. You’ve loved loving unconditionally and feeling love coming towards you unconditionally is the true love from above. Huge metaphor here. A sexy friend you adore, for instance, telling you I love your metaphors in a sexy way that is pure, that’s when you know they are a true friend. You love her unconditionally anyway, but then you feel her, so deeply, subtly, loving you and your something, art, that it makes you become even more aware of your breathing. You love love. Wish for everybody to live it. That’s when you just let it out. And now the metaphors are so out there in the sunlight that they almost can’t come across, as they in fact just did, as only metaphors, but truths also. A good metaphor always has truth in it. Round and round, see, just like you know who. But this just might be their moment, a metaphor’s moment. Many people use them, in all sorts of ways, they’re so flexible, they love unconditionally, this about a metaphor right here was, for sure, meant to happen, because whatever’s meant for you will never miss you. It snowed again. Now, the sun is out and this is literally af. Chemistry.
I don’t know how we got here, but I know that from the moment we started this, there’s been no room for bullshit. That escalated quickly, but so does stuff sometimes. And it’s not about them two. They know. They individually and together are strong in a way that strength hasn’t felt before. Free. And that’s something that no one or thing can touch. It’s that sacred space within. Where truth has a vacation. With a fruit frozen margarita and everything. I know, right? It feels right just imagining it. It’s why they needed to come out. The moon and the sun. And snow, lol.
I didn’t go out for a run today, I will, most certainly, go for a run tomorrow morning. With love of my life (The love of your life is the person you are most comfortable with, who you naturally feel that you can be yourself around. This is someone who makes you feel loved for who you most essentially are. When you are loved at this level, you transform into the best possible version of yourself you can be., since we’re here) in my headphones and the palm trees on my adidas x Stella McCartney windbreaker jacket. It rhymed. Or did it? You might have connected it, for a split second, to another McCartney, therefore music and so on. The sun is all over the weather app. And the hat. And the gloves. Meow.
And then you go downstairs, have the most wonderful, in the family breakfast. Even Loona, our cat that got so naturally attached to us and that we got so naturally attached to, too, she chose to have babies at our house, twice, is now here. She’s a wild cat and fam is here during weekends only, if not away, anyway. We all have raw fun, afterwards, in the snow, on the ground. It’s the gravity thingy thing we all just expect to work out for us every day. And it does. In the sun. This cat… It’s like none I’ve ever seen, met before, it’s like a walking heart. That loves to have fun. She’s beautiful. Intelligent, fierce and all that and more. Explore throughout. Home. Have outside whatever we’re having inside. Food. Stories. Warmth.
I’m writing this with a bit of something-something in my heart. That something that will both not let me do anything else but write and decide to be naked. It’s the ARIES’ GROOVE in me talking. Feels like something to be put on paper and take any kind of risk. Now, risk here feels more like a metaphor rather than a risk. It’s like stage fright. That transforms into light. Inhale, exhale. A trembling voice that turns into… Peace? Peace comes from within first, so. You’re perfect just as you are. Different. Unique.
The wind is a message of divine intervention, it is the vital breath of the universe. Isn’t it nice to know that?
I don’t know if by doing this or that I’m this or that, but this just wants to see the light. The sun is out. It’s daylight, but it’s also… About burning down your very best yesterday. It’s like the past that you’re definitely grateful for does not exist anymore, the present is way too effortlessly chic. Some come with the energy you feel is cute, you know, doing their thing, trying things, they like you, you like them and that’s cute, others come with their bullshit towards you. But hey, crowds, now I’ve got it to guide me no matter what. And the one you go through stuff that is meant to tear you two apart, but you two only come out stronger. In everything. Happier. I know I love light. Light as a feather. You might seem crazy for following your own light, at times. The crowds at large want you to follow the conditions that they laid out for you. It’s also only at night that I can see the stars in the sky. The moon. The night is just as magnificent as it is the light. Don’t you think? The wind, definitely, sounded like the supernatural character from the fairytale above more piercing at night. Not like midnight or even one. Straight away three till the morning light. And even before that. When all I could hear, along with it, was music for a sushi restaurant. In my head. With the trumpet really loud and crystal and everything. I’m going exclamation points all over the place. Ok. Ok. On a full moon also piercing my room the entire Saturday night. Not once sleeping during the day. Of course. Up. Up. Up. But then also chill.
And then, something happened on the following Sunday night. I, purposefully, woke up. Not like midnight or even one. Straight away three till the morning light. Live. The Grammys did. Shit. Rocket emoji.
And a sparkling wand. And a golden tusk of a silver narwhal I carry around. My neck. Obviously, I immediately deleted Or… Or… And replaced with And… And…