And this is the way it’s gonna be. We’ll start by saying this just rocks. Rocks as in rock as in strength. Rocks as in rock and roll as in fun. Rocks as in cool as in ice. Ooh, ice, yes, here we go. It’s only cold for a couple of seconds, but hot is how it’s gonna go. Go, go, go. People, at times, seem to ignore it. People, at times, get angry that you don’t ignore it also. I was so calm when someone, a couple of years ago, bitterly, told me Oh, you should stop listening to this thing (pointing at my stomach) so much. Oh, how I did not like the taste of that in my stomach. A lightning struck inside. A whole lot of feelings and thoughts flooding into my entire being, all at once. 

I felt people being puzzled by it before, but it takes someone to actually say it to your face for you to realise just how invincible you truly feel thanks to it precisely. Thanks! You don’t even need to fight back. Obviously. You’re a lover, not a fighter, but you’re going to fight for love, roar. In your own unique way. Doing it even when nobody knows about it alone makes you feel good. 

Luckily, I love the ocean way too much not to let it overflow allover, all at once, also. See? It gets majestic. It’s what intuition feels like. The thunder smells like. The sun on your skin. Yes, I can definitely do that. What? Trust. Go with the flow.

You know when I don’t know what you call that is yours and when I don’t know what you call that is not. Picture Miuccia Prada, her style is inimitable, one can’t say anything about it because it is so naturally hers, it’s untouchable, but picture the I don’t know what you call that, too. When you know for sure. You like, you feel right, your stomach is free. Metaphorically, of course, but very much literally also. You taste it and, and, and it’s love on the brain, boom. Boom, boom. 

You know for sure, but, all of a sudden, it explodes, implodes, and you think F*ck, what’s that? That was unexpected, but it’s getting hot, remember. The ships that seemed unbreakable, the love that you, not for a bit, questioned in a way even you, later on, stand in stunned silence yourself, beside your stomach. And that’s something! So, you really are like that, I don’t know what you call that that. Fortunately, your gut’s always been subtly pulsing. It’s the death and rebirth you might’ve heard about or not, but it surely feels like that. You can’t put a finger on it, nor do you feel any need to, you don’t feel anything. The time seems to have stopped. Now what? Time for a hug. You might call it change now, but back in the moment, you didn’t think about change. You just lived it, it’s just as natural as the waves washing over the shore is. It’s only natural. Natural, natural, natural, yes, natural. Nature.

And sometimes I get so scared of what I can’t understand, but here I am, next to you. All these flowers around me got me in awe. My dad tells me that this specific kind of wild daises open themselves up, every day, as soon as the sun comes up and close themselves down as soon as the sun goes down. They don’t open up at all if they can’t see the sun. The back of their petals, the tip of the back of their petals is pink, the lively kind of pink. The birds are chirping af. My dad again comes in, he tells me it’s because of the season we’re in, it’s mid May. It’s their, ta-da, mating season. They declare their love, they decide on where to settle their nest, we’re all assisting a symphony in open air, at sunset. All pink now, wink, on a blanket, in the garden. The scent and petals falling from the blossoming cherry tree I’m under are everything. Just as it is this mental note I took on my dad’s birthday, this mid May. His wish came true.

Other flowers open up as soon as the sun goes down. Seeing a flower opening up, in front of your eyes, in a couple of seconds, and smelling in a way that makes you want to hug it, every day in Summer, at sunset – because this is what a flower in our garden does – is what this change from above starts to feel like. Usually, they turn a camera on to film the flower blossoming and fast forward, later on, for you to see it in a couple of seconds instead of hours, days, years and so on. To see something wonderful open. Let’s take cherries, for instance. You might skip the video altogether and die to eat the cherry. See? Hot. I feel you. But when you see something transforming right in front of your eyes, let’s take kittens getting out of our Loona, for instance, a sort of sparkle comes through. Comes true. It’s everywhere, really, when you stop for a second and see.

What do you think about the whole belly, in plain sight, for the whole world to see? is what a friend, casually, asked me on our casual last Friday evening. I hadn’t given it much thought, but I knew I liked it, always felt like saying hi. What does it mean when a woman decides to pose naked with a baby inside her belly? When a woman carries her baby in plain sight for the whole world to see? We were outside, watched the sunset, the breeze helped us see the entire spirit of an interesting Spring day, slowly vanishing into the night. Sun, clouds, sun again, clouds, the wild daisies must’ve gone mad, but so did the clouds, the mad clouds that seemed to have come out of nowhere, boom, strong, strong wind and, boom, it all calmed down. We’re on the terrace.

A beautiful, naked, round belly instantly comes to mind. Then, the word art does. I think Isn’t this the biggest work of art ever? and say Hm, I’ve never actually said it out loud, not even in my own mind, ever. I don’t know what’s being said, but what I do know is that knowing a baby is inside a belly and the belly is out there for everyone to see, feels a bit like Fontana di Trevi. I go on. Peacefully. The sky feels light even though it’s getting dark. Just thinking about the entire process blows my mind. The transformation a woman’s body is able to perform is magical. It’s an artistic moment in time. Poetic. Supremely powerful. For the mom and for everyone who sees it. On the cover of a magazine, on your friends’ couch, in the eyes of someone you adore, random in the street or, you know, the Super Bowl. It’s her and her baby in… Her. Whatever the mommy feels like being when she’s with her baby, babies, whatever the relationship she intends on having with her baby, I don’t know what you call that. And it’s easier for the daddy to touch the belly whenever. Basically, the baby is naked all the time, you know what that feels like, free, and is in plain sight, for the whole world to see. The mom listens to the relationship the baby wants to have with them, also. Honesty is essential to making your relationship as strong as it can be. And the belly is so close to the stomach. Wink. In tune. Enjoying fully every moment. It’s lifestyle. From the womb, it seems. 

Whether you want a baby or not, you still came from a womb, you yourself were a baby once.

A discussion I, often, have with mom is about the baby deciding on the relationship the baby wants to have with the world and the relationship the baby decides to have with themselves. We’re a continuous work of art. Grateful for everything our parents and everyone around us did for us and to us, regardless of conditions or society, we’re all here doing our best. Transforming into the grown-ups we’ve always dreamt to be. A grown-up is just a synonym for a baby forever transforming. If you’re going to pretend like you don’t care, don’t look up, but fun fact, Miu Miu herself has an office slide that begins next to her desk and ends in the outdoor courtyard of her work place.

Hey Siri, pause. 

Siri paused.

In fact.

Hey Siri, stop.

There’s nothing to stop here, literally said Siri.

Meeting someone new feels like riding the slide every time. A clean slate for you to begin anew. It’s the very you and the very them in the very moment. A perfect opportunity to introduce strangers straight into your heart (because hey) and climb up mountains with slash for – luckily, you enjoy being physical and a good view – only to, then, learn how to build a separate room for them in it. But you saw yourself in a brighter light. For you. For your light.

Recently, I came across a similar situation, life is funny, life is real and interesting. The title belongs to Midge in a brand new episode of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. This time, your light throws a party inside of you, as you look fear in the eyes, they try to take I don’t know what you call that out of you, your light keeps on getting brighter and brighter, this peace you have inside is having a blast, thank goodness you like to learn and, boom, compassion wraps it up. It’s not about you, it’s about them, but it’s also about you, roar. This time, I know exactly where to go. Me. Naked. Free. 

Then, they say you’re arrogant, very much to your surprise (or not) again, but if focus looks like arrogance to them, then so be it. You know who you wanted to be, who you are. We’re all human here sharing an electric, suave force. It’s invisible and it might be what makes it electric and suave, at the same time, in the first place. Just like the touch of the perfect breeze is. You know? You’re in plain sight, in front of the sun, and the perfect breeze comes in. Ooh.

With others, it’s forever and that’s when you know you found someone really special. Chemistry. Electric. Suave. Force. Or you know, it’s what family is to begin with.

Question marks show up with them, too, from time to time or all of the time, some of them breezy, some of them hardcore, it’s when intuition is flying all over the place, it’s the embracing kind of wind meant to connect the two of you in the very moment. Ideally, you both feel it in the very moment. You’re happy either way and you power through. It’s the people that mean forever to you. You take the responsibility for you. We’re responsible for everything that happens to us. It only makes sense, everything happens for us anyway. 

Few things that feel hardcore come close to a hardcore discussion with your family, bestie, soul. A discussion like I don’t know what you call that is a force on its own. Few things rise above it. And dance. Have faith in the dots.

I was eleven or something and singing this song, totally in the mood, moving my hands accordingly and everything, when my brother told me something. I don’t remember his words exactly, but I remember the look in his soft, teary eyes. He must’ve been hungover post one of his parties I must’ve assisted at, without a doubt. It was one of our things. The girls that liked him a lot used to put me to bed and I, of course, used to get out of it, you know the drill. The baby sister kind of vibe, aw. Aw for me, not so much for him then, but I guess we’ve always considered that honesty is essential to making our relationship as strong as it can be, so. It was Mia going Giiirl, pow-pow-pow-pow, you’ll be a womaaan soon. Anytime, anytime this song pops out, my brain, even if only for a second, goes to that moment in time. It could’ve slid away, but I was there. And so was he. A moment for us to just be. 

When you know something for sure and it clashes, what’s up with that? With I don’t know what you call that. The focus sharpens, you’re done with what anyone is saying if what anyone is saying doesn’t feel right to your gut, you act quickly, you don’t overthink, it’s all clear, all the decisions you took got you here today, innumerable moving dots of bright light, hot, someone plus someone make love, roar, two natural orgasms later, fun inside the womb and, boom, baby, hi!

Is probably one of the hottest hugs words had, lately. 

Versus Volume Should Be Turned Down. Based on your headphone usage over the last seven days, you’ve exceeded the recommended limit for audio exposure. On your phone, just as you entered the elevator.

I know, right? A funny teeth chattering emoji on my mind. Even funnier is the fact that it’s just now that I’m asking myself and, right now, that I’m discovering the repeat button on apple music. Uh-oh. It actually works, success!

There must be a tiny button inside our ears, very deep inside our ears, a button that connects the ears to the brain, and swoosh, electricity turns you on and, bam, bam, bam, a spark lights up in your heart, success! In a split of a second or In A Heartbeat, as Koop’s song, coming from the speaker in the bedroom, says. On repeat. Oh well.

This is also how words, at times, come out of my mouth. Thinking out loud. Aaa, loud again. Ignoring completely the notions of time and space, the words come, bam, bam, bam, straight onto my tongue, lips, mouth and here we are. Speed of sound. Imagine what the speed of sound feels like. 343 metres per second. Similar to the thrill that invades our lives when music plays in our ears. In a kiss. In a hug. In a heartbeat.

If it’s not the mouth, it’s the fingers, hey, hey, typing. Might this be the intention behind the thrill that the words turn on when the words stick on a sheet of paper or computer?

It’s energy flying and the speed sweeps you in, no hesitation. Moving through the world guided by your purpose and instinct. Sound energy is produced when a force causes something to vibrate. The energy is then transferred through the something in waves, called sound waves. Waves… It’s purity that’s perfection and sends you in. To space. Passion. It’s the dragon. As opposed to completely float. Chill. For hours in the bathtub, with La Tortu. Waste time on what you believe in. Like the butterfly does. Sweet. Sleep. I say sleep, I mean sleep, but I, also, mean relaxation. The tea thingy today said Mental happiness is total relaxation. In your stomach. It’s the house of the butterfly always giggling at the dragon and vice-versa, life’s too short to kiss on the cheek. 

Leaving my macbook in its black, subtle Manhattan cityscape case, on the plane, upon landing, and finding it just before taking off is them hugging. If this ever gets into the eyes of the couple of people, working at the Manchester airport, that helped me find my macbook, thank you! I told you I felt it was there and, now, you see why. Hello! Leaving stuff behind, rarely, has ever happened to me, if at all. I’ve had it for years, thought hm, was grateful for icloud, the music I’d listened to whilst flying above the clouds and the clouds my head has been in. Startlingly. It’s the speed of integration that’s been turning on the light inside of me.

Is everything on the inside? Skin is very much on the outside.

It was a surprise for mom’s birthday, so I – wanted it to be perfect – packed the suitcase for my mom, dad and me. A cool, black, with subtle embossed Mickey and subtle embossed 😉 dots carry on for us three, see? I like it light. Carry on, carry on. I’d made the list, whilst in the bathtub, one day, and when I went for my parents’ to have lunch, I integrated it, with mom making her famous cake for her birthday, in the house. High speed gathering of the stuff on the list mixed with laid back talking to mom. Smoothly. Just like in the movies. She didn’t suspect anything, or did she, until she checked upon their passports, before going to sleep, and saw missing. She was onto something, she knew who she’s dealing with, but didn’t really have time to think about it. By morning, we were all heading to the airport, success! It can be done is what I’m saying with Natash checking in to see whether the secret was still a secret and everything, aw. Mom never liked packing, I always loved the idea of it, in the first place. It’s the focus that helps me flourish and it’s the clouds that I walk on. See the sun from, aw. Success.

It was, however, at the speed of light, 299,792,458 metres per second, that I looked back and felt a fine, a very, very fine heartbeat.

I say focus, I mean focus, but I, also, mean intuition. I say focus relaxes me and it does, but it’s the flight to it that’s full of joy, too. And vice-versa. If you want to fly in the sky, you need to leave the earth. There are somethings you learn and let go and there are somethings you integrate and enjoy. We’re flying, success! 

When I first heard Diana Vreeland saying divine, in The Eye Has To Travel, something inside of me clicked. I liked the sound of it. It has, ever since – slowly but surely alternated with fast and fiery, that’s the thing, it’s divine timing – been invading my life at a pace that is not only electrifying, but mine. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. Even I am excited to see what comes out, dying to see it, hear it, smell it, touch it, taste it. I can feel it.

She also said You gotta have style. It helps you get down the stairs. It helps you get up in the morning. It’s a way of life. Without it, you’re nobody. I’m not talking about lots of clothes.

I would’ve been hard on myself, back in the days, but now… I know! It’s honeyed surrender. A spark we thcin-tchined for throughout the days, with mom and Gema. And true love. Girl power, too, since the men in the house got outnumbered, hihi. It was only on the second day that I got to even think about my macbook. It was, also, mom’s birthday. Did everything I could. The next day, too. Chose to trust my heart, from the start, above all. Two more e-mails from me, two more e-mails from them saying nothing, some conversations with robots, aw, and how many days later, it’s the day of departure, oh no. 

It’s both the dragon and the butterfly, patiently waiting, in the stomach, for me to do the thingies. I, basically, fly through terminals to get to the lost and found. A serene gentleman says no macbook has been found. The dragon and the butterfly are now banging their knees with their fingers whilst sitting, still patiently waiting. We know the macbook is here. We are serene, too, but we’re also lit up. Behind me, a lady member of the staff, all of a sudden, just like an angel (told you, lady), asks me whether she could help me. I knew it! She, first, thinks of us going somewhere, then figures it’s faster if she calls, serene. As she pulls out her phone, the lady she was about to call comes right in, serene, too, we have a laugh. As soon as I describe the macbook, the black case, the other things inside of it, oh man, an image strikes her. I don’t know why or how, but a black case with a macbook inside of it really did land on the desk in our office. So, it’s not even in the lost and found. It wasn’t lost, to begin with, aw. It did not belong there, aw. She calls someone in the office. We have a laugh, again, about the things inside. It’s been revealed, success! I fly to the terminal where the macbook is. Dragon, butterfly, high-five! Teamwork makes the dream work, aw. Having the whole family cheerleading for you, live and on the phone, feels like a victory.

Too loud, too much, it depends on how you look at things and, then, bam, bam, bam, a wonderful memory forever settles in. Or Inga, Inga coming into the single sofa bed – my brother is setting up for me, every night, groovy, next to Natasha and Inga’s sofa bed my brother is setting up for Natasha and Inga, groovyx2, so that the three of us could sleep in the same room, wait, wait – to sleep with me after intending on starting to cry over an out of nowhere 3am argument – over space – with Natasha. It’s, precisely, what it felt like. I had to protect the silence. Sweet dreams, said we… Well, there you go, didn’t want Natasha to touch you – you know how sisters and brothers are, fun is what I mean – and look at us now, hugging like there’s no tomorrow, thought I. It felt so good. We hive-fived every time it came up, from the moment we saw each other at the breakfast table, in the morning.

The next night ended up with everyone, one by one, falling asleep during The Willoughbys, after one more memorable day and ice cream, but not the girls and me. We stayed up. We stretched ourselves on yet another sofa bed to the max, you know how you do around 10pm and you, still, have one more hour to go. Holding hands, hugging, touching, not touching, mnope, always touching, whatever feels like the s*it in the moment. It’s a journey like no other, the syncing in. Luckily, you all are already in your pajamas, success! I love how all pajamas in the house have chocolate little stains on them. And bathrobes, added my brother. Obviously, everyone is, always, given a tissue and everything, but it’s the chocolate that wants to be here. Ok, girls, you said ten more minutes to everyone, they’re gone. Five more minutes and we’re going, says Inga. And you go upstairs, silently brush your teeth, silently get in your bed and sleep, sweet. Ok, Natasha. Myes, Inga. We’re under the blanket, our feet peeking out and everything. Well, theirs, because I like to be warm. Perfect temperature. Fresh air. Candles burning. Five minutes pass and so on, so I say Ok, let’s go, because otherwise we can stay like this and I don’t finish the sentence because, in a split of a second, in a heartbeat, Inga says, whilst stretching with sound and everything, foreveeer! We all laugh. Silently. 

Leo‘s sleeping and no one wants to mess with that. Not even the girls. Not even on a Sunday movie night (which is every night) that is not followed by a school day, so imagine that. We all slept like babies, apart from the real baby in the house and his parents, so that’s fun. Nee-naw-nee-naw-nee-naw, an emergency is almost always going on with Leo when he’s up, he wants to explore stuff. Fully in charge of his feelings and impulses. In a split of a second. In a heartbeat. I feel him. We all do, maybe it’s why it comes so naturally to him, too, so who’s laughing now? We all are, we all like to laugh, too, huh!

Heart. Running out of candles in the house makes you inventive, on the spot, when you really want to take a bath, to feel goodness wrapped all around you. A scent is mandatory, however, yum. The disco ball in the living room came with its spotlight, of course. The spotlight came with its filters. Red, blue, yellow and green. Never used them, but, hey, it seems like it’s time. In the bathroom. Just the spotlight and me and, now, La Tortu. I say La Tortu, but what I mean is La Tooortuuu. Pink time. This red, when caused by the spotlight to vibrate, you know what a real spotlight looks like, transfers into a chic, the warmest?, loving?, sexiest?, but in a cool way? pink. Harmony, success. 

Pink is the girls’ flower clip I took, last time, from my brother’s. I loved it and loved, even more, the idea of having it with me, all the time, it’s definitely my style, success. I know, I know, my fingers, though, ooh. Everyone happy. The idea was to bring it back, which I did, but I also took it home. Again. Ready? Success. This time around, Gema suggests for me to take the pink turtle that has a bath, every evening, before going to sleep, with Leo. She’s pink and her name is La Tortu, short for la tortuga, the turtle in Spanish. The four of us, we had a blast. La Tortu is on batteries, sooo!… We already envisioned the comeback of La Tooortuuu, but until then, I can’t believe La Tooortuuu is in my bathroom. La Tortu knows that home really is where your heart is, aw. Everyone happy.

Siri can’t and doesn’t want to, I bet, put any limit to music and no limits has my brain for pleasingly obsessing over a song or skin. Imagining Inga’s face reading skin and probably reading the whole phrase, all over again, to see whether she missed anything – You did not, baby girl, love you! LOVVvVvEeEeeE YoUUuuUuUuuU MoOoRRrEeeEe TTtHhHAaaNNN UUuU DoOooO! HaHa – makes me smile. Why skin, Cristina? It’s all over our bodies. So? That’s electrifying. Eew. The girls are in their eew-to-anything-romantic era (not that I had one). Oh, the fun!

Leo’s eyes get really enthusiastic at the sound of Alexa, volume up only. Just after bath time. The intimate joy that comes with Hey Siri, at home, and you dance, out of nowhere, on a 8am or pm, keeps on growing on you throughout life and an open ended trip in perfect company is timeless, unique, just like we know what is, life’s too short to kiss on the cheek. In short, man, I missed the sun, success!

Mwa! On your lips, of course. Lips. Mouth. Tongue. Heart. Ooh

It’s this coat that I really liked and loved wearing and now the friend I have it from wants it back. Obviously, there’s no hard feelings, why would there ever be any? Plus, its story lit up the faces of so many people. There’s this itch, however, in my stomach to get up really early tomorrow morning and look for the fabric that would be right, right for my, you know, mojo and make a coat I not only really like and love wearing but… Adore. You know what I mean. That always puts you in a state. No pressure. You bet there’s no pressure. It’s a flow, it’s natural, it’s what you actually adore, that’s the thingy thing. It’s easy challenging sparkling true drums to its own beat but also home but also dance chill in harmony you know walk loving wholeness enthusiasm, I completely ignored any commas because hey, this is what it feels like inside of a coat you adore. You randomly, wink, put it on top of today’s favourite homewear. At home. In the car.

If I come to think about it, throughout the preceding days, a certain kind of feeling had been, so smoothly this time around, swiftly, sprinkling a certain kind of energy around. Even if, at times, guh-dung, your heart seemed to be pulled out of your stomach (yes stomach, it’s where the butterfly lives), something outside of it (a rhyme would’ve been nice, but) has been carrying you around, carrying for you (just feels soothing). Fluent. Hugging. Fresh. Hm, perfume. The Brits and the Super Bowl Halftime Show were the head start into the week. So. 

The Monday lunch got us talking on the phone even after we’d got home. Oh, so, basically you’re just done with the bullshit, good, I say. Yeah, man, I’m done. And I think it comes with age, Alice says. I almost agree, it’s also what my brother says pretty often. This time around, though, words seem to die to fall out of my mouth: You know what, I always knew I didn’t feel good around bullshit, it’s just now I have zero tolerance to it. Myeah, that feels true, I know my Alice. I know people who are not even ten and have zero tolerance to bullshit. The first on the list is Inga, my brother’s youngest daughter. Hi, sweet, sweet baby girl! 

My fingers go should we say more, like maybe something about yes, but bullshit is part of… Nope, can’t. Don’t want to. Why even try? This is, definitely, not about the coat. I believe the coat has its own journey. I will love the coat even if it’s the last time I see it. It sounds tragic, but I’m smiling as I’m writing, so, the coat and I, we’re on the same page. We’re cool. Plus, there’s this adore thingy thing sexy sparkling. Free.

Somehow, I even bumped into Heady vs. Heavy, these days. Active vs. Reactive. Vs. Happy, haha. What you think about you bring about sounds like equilibrium.

The friend with the text, our history goes way back, intercalated with all sorts of stuff. When her sister wanted to become a stylist, she asked me how to go about it. Told her my truth. If there’s someone you really like, the way they work, their work, then talk to them and see what happens. If not, you do you, you be the stylist that you, to the core, feel that you are, create your own path. And this is what she did and if she’d be asked if she’d achieved her then goal, I am pretty sure she would answer yes. I don’t know if she remembers the talk or not, it’s not even important, we were never on talking basis or anything like that, I know that whenever it crosses my mind, I am happy with what I said and have a haha on my mind. It all makes sense. Of what it used to be. In my heart. Totally out there. Many things make sense in a fraction of a second. I marvel at my openness, looking at it from outside. Celebrate it. I’m flying, my feet are not on the ground or is it the other way around? It’s all about the intention all the time. It’s not just about clothes, it never has been. It’s just that I felt something going on between the coat and me. And I guess this thing sticks out and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Can it become hard for other’s eyes to handle? Or, or is this coat meant to just land in someone else’s closet and make someone else see something so finely, too? Clothes are not ever just clothes, see?

On a random walk with someone dear to have something on the go or even stop on a sidewalk to taste something you’ve never tasted before. They might have, you haven’t, the stream takes you places literally. It happened over Israel, for instance. Andreea went to Tel Aviv several times and she was delighted when we ran into this place on a Thursday afternoon. We didn’t stay long, the people cooking and the people just outside were actually from there, so that only made it even more not only authentic and nice, but also very pleasant. In a genuine way. People that really want you to have the best bite of their not only traditional, but favourite food, too, and they make it here, so they want it to be extra good for you. Our conversation on the mix of ingredients definitely added the extra vavavoom to it. Gracefully taking turns on a road that seems to climb up somewhere, I know.

And you happen to be in this coat. 

Then, at some point, a while ago, a party came kind of out of nowhere. Although… Yes, uhm, and you figured out in five what you’re wearing. And it’s today’s favourite pair of trousers, they have a pink and blue and black and white zebra print after all, they are so warm in winter and cool, cool for you, that’s the whole point, and they kind of fall so effortlessly on your body and you know you feel like dancing in them anytime, but also watching out the windows of the airplane after the Christmas week with the family. See? We got way up high now. Precisely. 

Grocery shopping where you always feel like uhmm, uhmm, hmm, yes, today’s favourite homewear at home, perfect hair, pf, kidding, kidding, pf not, kiddiiing, and yes the coat on top because you like it hot. As in give me your best shot. Fast. And good. Of course. As in, you have your list. Crisp. Sharp. Music in your ears if you’re alone, the sharpest discussion when you’re with a family member and you’d better be home quickly. So even that is fun. But also fast. 

But then a romantic weekend with your Alex comes. You’d been spending quite some hours together over the phone, me from the comfort of my own bathtub and her wherever she was, we’re on a tiny bit of different time zones. And it snows and all that. A coat you really like feels so right. For a Saturday night delicious pizza. And wine. And a hat. Their hats, also. Yum. 

But then, you know, there’s this one on your mind that you adore. 

Or on a walk around with someone you, all of a sudden, find yourself developing great ideas for a city to flourish, what, I know. And I believe the best a human being can do for the city they live in, the city they were born in, all the countries they live in or visit or work in or whatever in, is to be the best human being that they are. Guess what, anyone could do that. In any form they feel their most authentic in. Easy.

I know I was kinda bummed out about it for a second, when the friend texted me, ok, the thought of it crossed my mind several times during the following weekend, but thought hm, let’s see. It was about the thrill and the time inside of it, nostalgic. Static. I’ve never find it to be my vibe. Ever. At all, but. This might sound like I’m metaphorical or something, but I’m not. A relationship totally represents the thrill and the time inside of it, loyalty, that’s the whole drill, who has time for whatever had come before it? It comes close to the no commas part above. But, but, but. Wait. Let’s not necessarily define it. Although! You know what I mean. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.

And I could add some insane (or some very, very plain but also heady but also chill but also dancey here I go again) lining. Ooh, I’d like that. Don’t want to define that either, but I can almost feel the thrill. My eyes do feel it. Ooh. Of accurately looking throughout some factory. Similar to the grocery shopping from before. Without a list though, and that’s… Exciting. But also I know I’ll love to let it flow. See. And let’s say – because it happens sometimes with fabrics, little details – there has to be some kind of synchronicity. It doesn’t have to, but you’re definitely satisfied with the way life unfolds. Who knows the coat I might dream of tonight. Or the drive that would literally get me out of bed. Fly out of bed.

I thought about it in the tinniest moments, why, God, why? Kidding. Interesting how it all came about these days. Have you noticed how, sometimes, stuff happens, kindred situations, people, too? A day could pass and you see no one and then a day comes and you see and talk to (or just, diplomatically, choose not to) five people that… Something! It’s when you decide to make the best out of it. You’re already on your rocket, so it’s a fact. As in you know what feels right. Funny enough, the coat, totally collaterally, felt so, too.

So, I left for the mountains for yet another cozy extended weekend. I could just delete the days, the days are here for us to notice the waves they bring in, just like the seasons do.

Is this what letting go of the past completely feels like? This sounds like a metaphor I didn’t even know I needed and whatever happens next on the journey of the coat is whatever happens next on the journey of the coat. It’s a game you enjoy playing. The one you’ve, always, naturally enjoyed. Is it just life saying, more obviously, come on, come on? Very funny, life, very funny. I know I made that decision a long time ago. Oh, ok, so that fine is the line. And crystal clear. I see. I’m with you. With me. Yes, definitely. It’s those boundaries. Much better! Perfect! Thank you! Yes. Invincible is just as cool as vulnerable is. Or, let’s say, honest is.

The coat has its own way, pfew, it’s good to be back. Hello!

You went to what feels like the natural extreme to you, but at times, you might have ended up hurting yourself in some very subtle way. Again and again. You know you’re right about it, in your heart, but it’s not until you bump into the one you can, actually, bounce off ideas with at any time of day and night, then you’re both right, it’s our ultimate right, that… Ultimate luxury comes to mind. You grow, you enjoy the ride.

Because, sometimes, you tend to overstretch yourself. I know I did. I stretched the s*it out of yoga’s wild thing to see the sun coming out of the mountains, on Monday morning, and now my neck is so happy to be in the perfect temperature water of the bathtub. Funny sun, funny mountains, funny start of the week. Again.

A discussion with mom on the same morning, over breakfast, got mom saying It’s like you know it’s not really right what you’re doing, you can sense it in your gut, but you do it, in that fraction of a second. 

It’s for you to learn, I say. It’s up to you. You learn so you get ahead of it whenever that fraction of a second shows up. You’d better learn. Next time, there might be no next time. There’s always a next time, it’s up to what you want to bring about, though. Ooh.

Loona came by later on, I made her a tour of the entire house, very ladylike of us. Even mom couldn’t hide her enthusiasm. Dad made her bed again, in the wood housey house in the back. Who knows when she might have babies again. Of course I googled the neck overstretch, the shoulders overstretch thingy thing. Not the medical thing. The thingy thing. All good. Google, so close to giggle.

This thingy thing I love bringing in… I got it from Gema, Leo’s mom, we love each other and we have this thingy thing conversations whenever they happen to happen. Every time I bring it in, I know exactly what we both mean. I might have gotten it to a little bit of an extreme, love supreme, but we’re family, it’s fabulous. She sent me Until I Found You, on the same Monday, I sent her back (and my brother) The Horses, on Tuesday. Hi, Gem, shy emoji. When I sensed her overthinking, I know exactly what that feels like, I knew I knew her, we made a deal: let’s just put it out there, Gem, whatever comes from you I know it always comes with the best intention and that’s all that matters, regardless of the words or gestures, that whatever comes from me you know it always comes with the best intention and that’s all that matters, regardless of the words or gestures. Basically, no bullshit. She likes when I say You bet!.

The story is so romantic, obviously. I’ve been telling everyone who complemented me on the coat about it. Newsflash, the coat is wonderful, there’s no doubt about it, was a complete surprise for me, too, but it was more about that thingy thing going on between us. That I’m sure, sure, sure is that one of a kind thing that can’t be bought. No matter who buys it. 

It feels so good it makes you take the decision to say f to anything that doesn’t come any close to what it feels like and, boom, the universe starts to rearrange itself for you, remember? Oh yes! The truth! And there’s truth in relationships, it’s what, I believe, the foundation of every relationship is. It takes two, though, until two become one. If we were all to become one, would half of the planet disappear? Never mind that, imagine the sparkles all over the place. Is this the reason why soulmates are so rare? It takes one to know one, hallelujah. 

The mug I’m sipping the coffee from says make love not walls, yet sometimes it’s your soul that is the love and you, definitely, want walls when you mate with your soul. It’s been under my nose since I was born. I might have applied that too literally even when I didn’t really identified with stuff. It’s the Kingdom of Dreams that we watched over Friday and Saturday. But wanted everyone around me happy, no matter what. That’s the tricky part. Deceptions or betrayals that came out of absolutely nowhere. The victim thing has never been my thing, but it’s precisely this thing that can become a thing for people around you. I know I’ve always been inspired by freedom, go figure! And intuition tells you, but I used to kind of choose to believe nah, can’t be that… But then my eyes saw it, my ears heard it. You bet it made me stronger. I’m not mad at it. It’s just why it felt tricky, because stars know I’ve tried. But hallelujah. It’s the scale, the vibe, the tribe.

There’s a lot to this story, there are many stories spread throughout. This coat ends up being not just more than just a coat, which we one hundred percent clarified that it is, more than just a coat, but a bouquet of flowers taking off from my hands, as we speak, as a symbol of the grande finale. A symbol of the past. Ooh, it sounds more dramatic than it is. For the coat and me. It’s suave, airy, no worries. Mmmwa! Now, I value it even more, it’s been my armour, a cape through a time in my life I won’t forget.

I adore soft.

And it’s not about stopping to love people, old friends who you danced a lot with in clubs, at parties on impromptu nights happening all of a sudden and have respected your boundaries, as seen below, it’s about choosing happiness. Renaissance. 

Aaaaaa!!!! We keep this tradition of saying Happy Bday a thousand days apart or you know, not at all, wahaha. Happy birthday! The best is always yet to come! Mwa! Hug [lovely wife] and the little guy! Ever growing pink heart, rocket, star.

And his reply: Hahaha you’re so funny. Pretty thanks kisses Kiss emoji.

You know perfectly where you stand. You’ll always have the memories, you’ve known each other for more than ten years, you smile only remembering about them, but, man, you’ve never felt more you than you do right now. Home and home again and again feels so good.

And then I call Gabi, she’s been cutting my hair for more than ten years, too, and everything is just so clear. Fun.

Listen, long story short, this is the thing. I went to her wedding, a year ago, we’d known each other for more than ten years, keep it feisty and short, yes, then she came to my home, I cooked something lively on the spot, had some red wine, my neighbours happened to come by, we had a good time and we all smile when we remember about just how sick I, instantly, got. Funny, funny. Anyway, back to the coat. Oh, we haven’t even started that. So, at some point, it might have seemed like another bottle of red wine was needed or something, so we decided to go together get one, from the grocery shop just near by. I was wearing a pair of blue jeans and, by that time, they got really, really ripped just underneath the right cheek. I had a sweater on top, but decided not to go butt naked to the grocery shop. Even with my warm jacket on, yes. We were in front of the lift. As soon as I turned back to go change, she said: oh no, let’s just exchange our jackets. She wore my dark blue hooded winter jacket I basically wear pretty much all of the time in winter and I wore, tuh-duh, the coat that she’d just found in a charity shop with reselling it through her instagram shop on her mind. We laughed in the lift, in the grocery shop, and as soon as we got back in the lift, she told me You know what, this coat suits you so well (the truth is I felt fantastic in it and, now, you know the favourite at that moment homewear underneath, my world) that I’m thinking let’s exchange coats and see what happens. So this is what we did. Doesn’t this sound… Lovely? I liked it from the moment I saw it, but I just might sell it to you. I was in. It was unexpected, sounded pretty invigorating, sure! Should have bought it right then and there, but here’s how it goes, it went naturally, so I trust this. I pulled out a coat I’d been wearing for a while up until that moment, the story of how and where and from whom I bought that one is funny, too. I enjoyed it, we had some awesome times together, and thought perfect timing for it to get somewhere else. It felt natural. One year later, she texts me that she would want the coat back. My heart skipped a bit, but also couldn’t wait to call her on my crisp run and, on this occasion, to also catch up. I talk so loud about about how it would be best for her to take care of herself more, long story, with my headphones in my ears that I feel like the whole Victory Lane can hear me speaking or something, but suddenly, or luckily, or something, no cars, very few people, it feels like it’s just me and the sun in front of me, on the sidewalk. Of course, I bring up totally upfront the coat in our discussion. My intention is to know whatever she truly wants. She told me she wanted the coat back because she felt like wearing it to Rome next time. When I heard that, I knew there was no going back. Told her about my undying love for it, though, but also told her that I completely get it. Even told her our story above. The cold wind was around. Just mentioned the sun, you get the vibe. It was on that same day that the other four people came about. You coat, coat… 

Are coats the some kind of magic Queen is singing about?

I couldn’t resist or just wanted to be there one hundred percent and see. So I drove to a fabric warehouse sharply. Now, here’s another thing. If I would’ve bumped into the thingy thing, I would’ve got it no matter what. Didn’t, felt alright about it and drove back. Loved it. We’ll see. In the past, I would’ve got something that had caught my eye. Some dark green army thing, something black with discrete red palm trees on it, a certain kind of blue velvet? Nah. I still have some huge amounts of fabrics at my lady seamstress. Hm. Nah. 

I brought the socks home. Today’s favourite homewear is made of the fluffy baby blue robe with vibrantly coloured, the size of a palm butterflies on it. And the socks. Imagine the coat for today’s favourite homewear and my world inside of it. 

I’m on an important mission, mom’s birthday is in 2 days and I have a surprise to further orchestrate, mwa! Mmmmmwa!