We’re All Made Of Stardust

October 20, 2023


And when I say we’re all made of stardust, I mean the bees, also, of course, so imagine what it felt like when the paper bag I was carrying a big jar, made of glass, full of honey in broke and so did the big jar, made of glass, full of honey. A feeling like no other. Despair. I knew that one honey bee produces one 12th of a teaspoon in its entire lifetime – 36 days in peak summer to 3-4 months in winter. This equates to 12 bees producing a single teaspoon. Hundreds of teaspoons on the concrete garage floor and thousands of bees who worked like crazy to create this moment, somewhere in the ether. Close to ethereal. I know, right? Obsession versus possession, bees know they’re in this until the end of time. When the work is done, it is forgotten, that is why it lasts forever is an ancient text bees are here to claim. 

I liked yellow for a reason, but then again, I like all the colours. So. So, it’s yellow’s time. The whole va-va-voom of a bee’s style is of interest to me every time I see one. I’m wearing, as we speak, a yellow jumper. So. Lots of Sos, lots of clear, blue sky. Feels like honey, oh man, see? And we can’t help but fall in love with life just a little bit more. 

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hundreds of teaspoons very, very slowly flowing towards the driver’s tyre. I knew the paper bag was strong enough to carry the things that needed to be carried from the house to the car and vice-versa, but, sometimes, no matter how sure or aware you are, things just happen. To stir up one other thing or two. The feeling I had in the moment kept on flashing images, the whole day and the day after it, of a sweet, sweet bee flying around, doing her thing, licking all that nectar from the flowers, flying back to the beehive, carefully passing it, mouth-to-mouth, to another bee, the nectar becoming honey, honey being pushed into wax beautiful chambers and all that jazz in my head. My heart broke. It’s not about fault or anything like that, it’s never that, but I just felt sad. 

You know when you both feel like crying and smiling at the same time? You know, for sure, when something doesn’t feel right, but in a matter of seconds, the keys to the house were in honey, the car key was in honey, anything I touched was in honey, so the light started to come out. Honey all over the place, aw. There was, obviously, no way for me to save any of it, it’s honey mixed with glass, such a painful sight. It was a big, big jar. I, still, haven’t managed to completely clean the floor. I smile and sigh every time I get out of the car and see the honey stuck on the tyre, after trying to avoid the crime scene and parking. I even touched the tyre just to see what it feels like. Honey on a tyre, now that’s an unexpected combo. Sticky, but, you know, on a tyre. My hand is sticky again, then, again, the keys, the phone, the bag, I gently rub my palms together, but nope, still sticky. I don’t touch much in the elevator, but, still, I grab the door handle and here we go, some honey here, too. Again. Honey all over the place, I’m telling you.

When stuff breaks, you clean stuff and that’s that, but you see, with honey it’s different. You can’t wipe it with tissues, I tried. Is this a wink to the past? If something’s standing in the way of you feeling wholly secure within yourself, a time will come when clarity will become the thunderstorm that will swoosh everything in your stomach. Just to make sure.

What is when someone you care about hurts you in the very place they know hurts you the most called? They know the place, they were around when it hurt you like crazy, when it was someone else who wanted to deliberately hurt you and you – what is this called? – jumped at the call, no guard, no nothing. You’re all in, you like it hardcore just as much as you like it soft. It might sound like we’re talking about you know what, maybe we are, everything is connected all the time. You feel all the time, newsflash, just as the world goes round and round. Gravity glues you to earth every day, the sun rises every day, you can see the stars no matter what and, one day, you hear a song and it takes you somewhere only music can. You make a million decisions that mean nothing and then, one day, you order take out and it changes your life, says Meg Ryan in Sleepless In Seattle. You make a million decisions that mean nothing and then, one day, you hear a song and it changes your life

Feel free to insert your own thunderstorm in here, you know you gotta be brave to be in love. You’re not scared of the overflow, waterfall is what you’ve always, secretly, craved, well, ta-da to me. It’s where I know I thrive, it’s the overflow that makes me focus in a manner that feels natural, happy, it’s a rhythm to it, just like there’s a rhythm to Seal’s Human Beings.

It’s this extra – some might say, I think it’s everything – that it is said not many people get to live. The space the wish for it comes from what is called a safe space?! I die. Pointing straight at your heart, it’s the love of your life. Fun, confidence, peace, you share them all, intimately. You can feel it in your bones even before you can feel it in your brain, you’ve always felt it in your heart, but, you see, the heart is so, so tenderly smiling, so subtle and mesmerising that we almost, at times, see it as too magical to be true and, yet, the heart is what keeps us alive. The E.T. kinda tenderness. The heart knows what feels right. Beat after beat, when you surrender to it, every cell is filled up with energy, with passion.

You know when you call your mom and sense that you’re on speaker and she’s with people? You know you can’t slip in the fact that you’re naked anymore. Not that anyone would see you, but, suddenly, the safe space takes the form of an aura, your aura, a lush dressing gown. Doable.

As opposed to as soon as Bohemian Rhapsody starts and you know you’re safe. Is this the real life? Every time. Is this just fantasy? Redemption arises in a mysterious way. Or whenever you see Robert De Niro in a movie and you know you’re safe. You can just be. Or anything George Michael anytime.

Another Chinese proverb says Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are. Interesting. It reminds me of the idea that your nervous system will naturally feel calm around people with pure intentions and authentic energy.

You’ve always had this thing going on between your heart and yourself, but you didn’t point at it. It’s not that you didn’t want to, but, ironically enough, you chose to jump at other calls. Hm, now that I come to think about it, deep inside, somewhere, you just trusted your heart? Secretly? To do its thing? Sing? And then, one day, your heart is all you can feel. It did its thing! Goodness! It’s not just about climaxing, although when it’s in sync with what your heart has been telling you all along, it’s funny. It’s not something anyone can give you, you can’t buy it, make it, you can’t plan on it, yet all you know is that when you both are in it, you both glow, you’re both free. Maybe for the first time ever. Safe. Wild. You feel their every cell means fabulous and the world to you.

I’ve been in relationships I so wanted to work, twisted my brain in every direction to make it work. It felt possible, but you see, it only felt possible to me. A relationship that made me feel trapped and all I wanted was for it to work? I know, I know, nonsense. Why force anything when the stars just know better? A very fun kind of faith. And bam, you make a million decisions that mean nothing and then, one day, you meet someone and it changes your life bumps into your life. 

The one you are in the actual relationship with might sense, unconsciously, what you’re going through, it’s unconscious for a reason, but their cutting themselves off might now interfere with what? Your cutting yourself off from true happiness? Uh-oh. As they know it would take a lot of courage they know they don’t have – they do, but you know what I mean – they start to project it onto you, pulling on your heart, compassion, everything that you are, only to keep you by their side. It’s what makes them courageous, in the first place. It’s you who’s drowning, in the meantime. 

These might not’ve been the exact thoughts crossing my head, when I was going through the whole thing, but my heart was on it. It’s why I cried the whole way back home from the vacation with the one I was in the relationship with. No, no, I didn’t leave the relationship and elope, it was never about the someone and it changes your life what it was all about. It was about me. The head had to catch up with my heart.

We can only meet each other as deeply as we’ve met ourselves might sound bizarre, at first, but isn’t truth so, so sexy? So, where’s your safe space, what makes you courageous? You know it’s not someone else, you’re in the driver seat, but you also know you’ve just listened to Dire Straits’ On Every Street. A couple of times in a row. Any seat is great in great company, hair in the wind, not a care in the world.

A while had passed and I entered a relationship that took me even further from myself, s*it, s*it, s*it, s*it, s*it, s*it, s*****it – the heart kept on doing its thing, persevering, of course, it’s the heart, hallelujah – buuut it shot me back to me, back to the moment I opened my eyes on this planet, at a speed I didn’t see coming, but completely enjoyed. Obsession, when left unchecked, can become a destructive force that clouds one’s judgement and leads to actions that are not rooted in love, but in the desire for control and possession is what I know, for sure, happened to me. For me. The opposite of what desire means to me. Now, I can smell a hidden agenda from afar. I always could, it just was tough to trust my intuition, to trust. People intending on all sort of stupid stuff didn’t even cross my mind. It’s the in between where other people’s fears rumble around. Round and round. Instead of potential. Desire.

Paying attention is the key to spontaneity. To act on instinct and go with the flow. Say no. Thanks, but no thanks. Why choose someone who doesn’t want you to be your best? What is that? A sign. You became angry with the world that you’re, in fact, in love with, with the world inside of you, the truth, or, better said, with the fears inside of you that were not even yours to begin with, the lies, ooh. Versus someone who loves the you you love. Tough choice, I know. 

You know where you started from. Dreams and morality had kept you going, but when you started to doubt what feels good (good, good), you stopped for a second. What?! Slowly but surely, you spot it, whew, fantastic. We’re human beings and salvation always awaits us on the other side of the coin, you just gotta do the work. Unlearn a couple of things, learn more. Love is the transformative force that makes us feel secure and washes away all fears. Saying yes is simply too fabulous. Fabulous is here twice and this is not a coincidence. Three times, hi!

Getting off of that ship was magical in itself. My universe merged with the universeuniverse and I knew(!). Then, I bumped into a photo of me as a child. My cheeks are so high from the whole lotta laughing from the heart… The joy. I knew that it’s possible then just as I know today. So if you think it’s love, it is. And if you think it’s trust, it is, as King Princess sings. Duh, but you know what I mean.

For a second there, you might’ve felt hopeless, but not because of the relationships you’d been in, those feel so distant to you, it’s the hopelessness in your heart. Like your hands were tied. Good news just in! It helped you peel off the layers off of you, you couldn’t do anything about that either. Cool. Who knows. We only have one life, we’d better live it and go on that perfect date.

Everything was worth it, it got you to today. And today is a new day to start it all over again. Gravity might pull us to the ground, but it seems like another kind of magical, undiscovered by scientists gravity pulls us to want more, see more, discover more, kiss more, live more, love more, more, more, more, just like the song says.

It’s not about being perfect, of course it’s not. It’s about just being being enough. You can watch the seed sparkling from there. Someone who is home and adventure – a soul who calms you and drives you wild, not bad, heart, not bad.

Two kittens, around the house in the mountains, just can’t keep their eyes off of each other in a very funny way. The baby girl came first, out of nowhere, a couple of months ago. The baby boy has just come. Seems like out of nowhere, too. She kind of mixed subtly side eyeing with letting him eat from her plate and purring, tightly something next to one another, on dad’s lap, on the swing, in the backyard, on the evening of the day they met. They’re too young to be involved like that, they’re about six, seven months now and that, in cat years, must be the adolescence, right? Regardless, when they gravitate around you, you can’t keep your eyes off of them. They just are and like each other instinctively. Raw. On and on and on and on.

Ok, so I’d deleted the next paragraph, but guess what. Mom just called. You won’t believe the biggest news!


So, Loona has been around and, out of nowhere, remember, a baby tiger showed up. He was meowing and meowing and meowing, unapologetically, even Loona seemed to be confused. As soon as we touched him, played with him, held him in our arms, kissed him, he stopped. And started to purr. Loona was on the outlook for him, especially since she’s the only cat that’s the princess around our house. She’s relaxed, playful and on it at once, all the time. A Catwoman, but super childlike. Super protective. A real feline. And here comes another one. We’d been trying to call him Sun, Sunny, something, but our tiger, naturally, just kept on coming out.

Loona comes to the house every time we’re there. The reunion is always a delight. So, when we were gone for more, we talked to our lovely neighbours to keep an eye on her. They’d always had dogs and wanted one again, made a bed for Loona, aw, in their garage, decided to adopt a puppy, hooray. So, the news is our neighbours called. Our Loona is now sleeping with our tiger in their garage! And as if that wasn’t so special in itself already (our two wild kittens keeping each other warm), the news continued. …And with the two months old puppy as of last night! My, my, my, my, my, my, my. Preciously unprecious.

Remember when you were a child and you got beyond enthusiastic whenever something like this happened?…kidding, and you liked someone like that? Nothing else in the world existed kinda thing. When you can just be vulnerable and vulnerability doesn’t even cross your mind, you just are, no guard, no nothing, you give in and dance. Surrendering to the power of style, instinctively, transforms vulnerability into a superpower…that is why it lasts forever. Freja Beha Erichsen, photographed by Patrick Demarchelier, in the 2011 February British Vogue, is a testament to forever, guess why.

So, are you going to let yourself not feel safe or completely change your perspective and create the safety within you first? You know who you’re happy to share it with, no matter what’s going on and who’s around. You’re safe all the time. Anything other than that is stupid. And stupid is who stupid does, as Forrest says. When it’s stardust that you know you’re made of, how can you ever be satisfied with just dust? 

Your cheeks are back to where they belong, so high from the whole lotta laughing from the heart. Is this the first time that you’re truly in love? Is this the love that you’ve always daydreamed about, cried over for years when you didn’t even know why you were crying? Your crying even transforms. When you’re [both] drowning, as David Beckham says in the Beckham documentary, that’s when you know it’s the real deal. It hurts so bad that it takes you to the moment you opened your eyes on this planet. Only to be reborn again. Is this the one? Well, feel the feelings, goddamn, so you can start to feel the joy already, who has time for negativity? 

Who is the one you’d really like to be underneath the costume, on Halloween? Who is the one you’d really like to be underneath your costume, on Halloween? Eye to eye. You both just are, completely naked even if you’re in full costume mode on, you’re committed, that’s for sure, you just let it be, completely let go and have the time of your life. Hands in the air, everything.

When coming back from anywhere, on different occasions, on a plane or in a car, mom used to ask me if I missed home. I replied, nonchalantly, nope, every time. Then, one day came and I couldn’t stop myself from crying the whole flight back. I just couldn’t. Kinda shocked my parents. I did it on another flight back, too. On another one, again. Even I was confused. Amazed by the overflow. Wow. Waterfalls coming down from my eyes. I just didn’t care, I mean I did, but I just couldn’t stop, in the security line, on the plane, so I guess I just didn’t want to. The tears invaded the whole planet. In style, of course. The whole planet versus someone who knows you to the core. Kind of without asking, but figuring it all out. A single glance and they can see the entire galaxy doing its thing inside your eyes. It’s enough.

Now, home keeps on sticking to me every day. It’s all that honey that makes me feel like home anywhere. Goodness! 

Just relax… Relax, then work, relax, then work, or both, or both, or both.

Hey, this is Cristina Pavelescu wearing a music cassette sweater, decoding (life) style and writing from wherever, yet always living in OZ, a world I invite you into. To smile in front of our screens (and live one day), put any kind of questions, answer in writing (or imagination) and marvel at fashion which is, in fact, style.


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Just A Thought. One That I Choose To Keep

September 22, 2023

What true connection truly feels like? When you look into someone’s eyes and you can not but see someone’s soul, swoosh, you’re eager to connect to precisely it. You know for sure your soul has always been on this pursue of intimacy. When you do it in a way that’s authentic to you, it’s become second nature. What’s the antonym for nature? Man made. It’s when you start to build bridges to connect the world to the truth. You know it’s hard work, but it feels good when it’s for your own clarity. Similar to endorphins release. And! And. It’s a human being standing right in front of you and that’s beautiful. You see something new, it allows you to play with perspectives, yes, yes, thank you, yes, but this is about a specific kind of connection. Kind. Full of oxytocin. When listening to Purple Rain until the end or to the whole Inspiration Information / Wings of Love album together is second nature.

Truth is universal, timeless and it’s fascinating when it comes in the form of a surprise. It makes you instantly open your heart, you feel safe to. Now you know just how much your heart means to you. It’s always happy and wants you to be, too. Feel the heartbeat of the one, what to do. Suddenly, you’re free. There’s no right or wrong and breathing is a spontaneous reminder of it. You feel air invading your heart and, from it, spreading everywhere, it’s what opening your heart feels like. When your open heart is in the presence of at least one more open heart, nature courses through your veins. Peace is having a blast and you’re breathing like there’s no tomorrow.

You’ve been dipping your toes here and there, giggling, finding it extremely attractive, gradually ever evolving, you like the no limits thingy. So, you dive deeper and deeper, naturally, like a mermaid does, you fly high or just above the ocean, at a speed that feels right in the moment, like a unicorn does. An enchanting ride that takes you into the arms of someone who looks into you, not at you, and the living is easy. There’s desire and no resistance to it. Instant creation. 

How to feel satisfied with the ordinary when everything you really want is extraordinary? It brings us to the importance of the little things, just as significant as the big things. Ordinary is just as extraordinary. Your extraordinary. Not perfect, yours. So, perfect. Yours.

You know what a hug of someone who really gets you feels like. And is not afraid to hug you like that, that’s the second part. You feel the intention each time, you know your whole lotta love vibration. You don’t think about it, but when you’re in it and you’re melting, that’s when you know something for sure. Staying in your lane, walking on the walking lane (as you do in airports), pursuing what you’d intended on helps. Not needing anything and enjoying everything. In theory. It’s the whole lotta love inside of you. True. I mean look at the ocean, sun in the face, all that jazz. We all need a hug, in practice, though, cha-ching!

You know what a hug of a cat or dog that wants to hug you, in their own way, feels like. They do all they can to glue their body as close as possible to yours. Look you in the eye. Smile with their eyes. Tilt their head. Purr. It’s some kind of dance, at times. Definitely play. Mirror you. Try to deliver some kind of message. Chill next to you. They just are.

You appreciate all sorts of eye gazing, but there’s one that electrifies you. It’s the truth. When souls salute each other for real, for real. When it isn’t for real, for real, man, you just confirm to yourself, on and on again – and even that feels amazing, the thought of a true connection feels amazing on its own – just how much you love love. The tremble you feel when you inhale and almost forget to exhale.

Polar opposite to the inhale you need to take as soon as you get from your world down into an uber and, suddenly, you really do feel like an alien. F*ck! You sky rocket in your head and do your best to strike a connection, you’d sensed they wanted to connect, but here comes our friend, intention. Arrivederci and off into the evening you go. You’re fabulously peaceful with the connection you have with you at all times.

It makes you even more aware not only of what is important, but also exciting to you. To dieee fooor. You feel it in your stomach as you’re reading this. If you don’t, come back to it when you do. I’m going to repeat it for people in the baaack: you feel it in your stomach as you’re reading this.

When did people start to be with people just because people are supposed to be with people, just because people say so, instead of looking forward to be with someone they actually desire, are in awe of? It’s easier to believe in love when you see it around you, true, but guess what, you can choose to see love all around and, one day, boom, within you. Sense it in movies, too, listen to it in music, feel it, all that jazz.

A lot about relationships of all sorts has been roaming around and it’s, sometimes, so entangled and this and that and ooh, but hey, but no, but yes, twisting and turning continuously, but isn’t you just being real all that is sort of required of you? You two, you three or ten and most importantly, of yourself. It’s funny it’s also the easiest. The easiest that requires courage, but still. There’s a sort of sassiness meshed into this whole courage thing and when you like sassy, how can you ever say no to sassy? You don’t want to, so you dive in, you fly, you do whatever feels like the s*it.

Confidence is sexy when it’s raw. Peeking from behind the shyness that tastes like honey, says I see you without saying it. The kind of confidence Romeo has. Juliet also. They’re not Romeo and Juliet for nothing after all. They’re everything.

Your heart was wide open all evening and, all evening long, the thought of intimacy alone kept you floating. It’s when the passion in your heart is on fire mode and, yet, time seems to be standing still. You’re all cool inside, yes, but, man, it feels so good when it’s that kind of connection. You know what you’ve wanted since you were a kid. You stepping up a notch a day + them stepping up a notch a day = top notch.

You know exactly what happiness really really really really really really really really really feels like. Looks like. The butterflies in your stomach go beyond. Take a boat ride, come back home in your stomach and so on. When they’re on a boat, they just let themselves float. Take a natural pause. Only to fly again, just as naturally, wherever they want and, swoosh, back into your stomach. We’re elevating here, you with me? This “thought” was not intended to be romantic, but when you go with the flow, you never know. Plus! Plus. The idea of it came from a romantic feeling, I admit. Of course it did. Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet with a happy ending, I know, I know, I’m talking about real life here, absolutely. Equals poetry. The thought of a true connection feels amazing on its own. So, when a connection happens, it’s breathtaking, uh-oh. Your dreams matter. Your peace matters. Your vision matters. Your smell matters. Your warmth matters. Your energy matters. Your sweetness matters. Your power matters. Your tears matter. Your boundaries matter. Your taste matters. Your charm matters. Your devotion matters. Your skin, man… Your pleasure matters. Your freedom matters and as soon as freedom came in, freedom, basically, laid the foundation for everything that matters.

When butterflies come back into the stomach, they take a nap or, if in the company of the butterflies they like in one more stomach, you never know. Being next to each other is enough. Maybe they even want to splash together in the water. Who knows? 

Compatibility. Is compatibility a bit overlooked or was it just me? I mean I looked compatibility straight in the eye, saw it possible, but I kinda hid it from my soul. The sense of humour is definitely, uhm, I almost said mandatory, but you can’t ask for it, I mean you can in your dreams, I see a connection here, where is this going to, wait, wait, here. Sense of humour either is or is not. Compatible with yours, that’s the thing. They take the lead, you lean into it only in time for you to take the lead again and for them to lean into it and so on. We’re all in the making. 

Cool in the hottest way ever. Not just hot, of course. And ever, of course. I told you we’re on to something here. This is the kind of discussion butterflies have on a boat. Giving their full attention to whatever the moment presents. It’s the enthusiasm that is smouldering inside of you and when you feel the match lighting it, you feel your heart. It’s only natural for passion to take over. There’s a sense of magic and wonder in the air. It’s beyond you two or is it, in fact, that it is precisely you?

And, then, the silence settles in and you’re in the perfect place, at the perfect time. You’re wearing exactly what you’d imagined you’d wear in a moment like this. But that’s the thing with moments like these, you can’t plan these moments. They just happen and, surprise, you’re naked. You knew you were pursuing joy and joy it was. Is. A little plan here and there helps, yes. Polar opposite to the verb to settle, yes, yes, yes. But we’re talking about the vibe snow has when it settles everywhere, sun has when it settles on your skin. A lot of feelings, well, I guess practice what you preach. Beware of the action as well. Why did this make me think of Beware of the dog, the cat is shady af, too and giggle?

Compatibility makes things a lot easier. I know that Heaven on Earth is incessantly created by our choice, so in order to pursue what you know and want for sure, it matters who you’re on the journey with. You know that natural is what feels natural to you. Ease, at times, though, is preceded by the hardcore of the hardcore of everything. Decisions. Strength. Perseverance. Grace. We can learn from people’s mistakes, too. Be original with ours. And then, one day, something just clicks. You’re the butterfly again, your heart is free. As it is natural for a heart to be. You dreamed about a natural heart next to yours, you do the math, which instinctively, takes us to chemistry. Off the charts is the only way, I’ve figured out. Otherwise, is there an otherwise? Chemistry, just like humour or written in the stars, either is or is not. It’s up to nature. Yum, we’re on to something here x2.

Hey, this is Cristina Pavelescu wearing a music cassette sweater, decoding (life) style and writing from wherever, yet always living in OZ, a world I invite you into. To smile in front of our screens (and live one day), put any kind of questions, answer in writing (or imagination) and marvel at fashion which is, in fact, style.


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August 31, 2023

Non passare tutta la tua vita a pianificare un’altra is the confirmation – I bumped into while strolling, in the morning of the first day, through Venice – of what my intuition has been subtly whispering to me since I was a kid. 

It’s a fine line between knowing what you want in life and planning for it. Knowing what you want is a sure thing, it feels fabulous to your soul, you feel light and peace settles in just like the first snow gently settles on the ground or just like the sun sensually settles on my skin every time it sees it. Yes, every time. But planning, with planning is different and I’ve come to appreciate a good plan so much. I might not be a planner per se, but when the idea of a plan arises, the vision piercingly takes the lead. Like snow flakes or sun rays, details, then, fall into place. At times, make your heart race. 

With Venice, it was my brother who initiated everything, but then Hey, the girls are not coming is what he told me as soon as I answered his call on the night before the day we were all supposed to meet. In Venice. My brother, his daughters, mom, dad and me. Isn’t this chemistry? Similar to a good laugh somewhere in the sky.

I was so hoping for a good night’s sleep, but I can’t ever – don’t want to, why would anyone want to – miss on a healthy laugh. So, I couldn’t fall asleep as planned. All of our moments with the girls, in summer, in Italy, suddenly went out the window after having been, exuberantly, popping up in the back of my mind, in my heart. This time, however, I knew everything was exactly as it was meant to be and completely surrendering was the key. To the unknown. To the sharp arrow shooting for your heart. Bam, bam, bam. Ouch. Wait, it must be Cupid! Pfew. The girls will go ew and this just might be the key to open someone’s heart. Eeew, right, right, talk to the hand or high five, your choice.

My brother has this August vacation week with his daughters planned far ahead. He’s a surgeon, his schedule is pretty strict. The girls are in a Harry Pottery kind of school, their schedule is pretty strict, remember what it felt like when you were a kid? My brother and I had been talking about places for the three of them to go to and then, one day, all of a sudden: By the way, I’ve decided, in fact arranged everything already. It’s Venice. And Venice wasn’t even on the list. Venice?! Nice. You know mom has always said ‘Venice’ whenever I asked her where did she want to go to most, right?, me. Really?, Radu. Yeah, I said and continued. And you know how mom is, she doesn’t really say what places she’d like to go to. Of course she doesn’t, we almost always surprise her. Venice is only a two hour flight away, but it’s the way it came together that made it all special and special is what, I believe, mom wished for Venice in our lives to be. Venice caught us all by surprise. Tchin-tchin!

Hm, let’s all do it then, put on your cape and talk to mom. Couldn’t wait till tomorrow, so I called dad on the spot, mom didn’t answer. They were on a completely different wave for me to even open the Venice box. The next day came and I called mom who then talked to dad and a couple of minutes later, my drive almost decided for us all. …And see the girls?! It was a no-brainer. It sounded so good. We were on. Every day is a surprise. Every time we get out the door, a surprise unfolds. Every time something flies out the window, a surprise flies into our home. A surprise opens up as soon as we open our eyes. It’s magic, yup.

It was April when we planned it all, it was a surprise to us all and we were all excited to surpriiise the girls in Venice, but life had a slightly different plan. August came in a jiffy (or in a Fiji, as I like to say) and today is the last day of summer, mamma mia! I didn’t call the parents to deliver the news on the night before the trip, nor did I tell them the next day on our way to the airport. It was a test I passed gracefully as my heart was gathering back its pieces, one. Two, I made sure everyone was still excited on board. And three, we needed to put the whole truth at once, on the table, as a family, which we did later in the evening upon our arrival, in a cozy garden. Diving deep is our specialty, Italian cuisine is theirs and the best of the best is arising now in my head just like it was then arriving on our candle lit table. 

Us all happy in Venice was the vision. Laughing, holding hands, hugging and kissing, obviously, wahaha. Every time someone would ask me anything about the trip, I couldn’t even remember the date of it precisely, I just knew that it was coming. Every time it would pop up vividly in the back of mind, candidly in my heart, the vision of a puffy cloud a cartoon character was sleeping in would, too. With sensational dreams rolling above their pretty head just like a movie. A state of flow. There’s another puffy cloud glued to the puffy cloud and the cartoon character’s other half was on it. They bantered about it all and had the best time ever. Then, slept, dreamed. Together. Let’s make one big puffy cloud, though. Going with the flow is what my brother and I planned for us all to live. Life laughed, it was hot as hell, but hey, we went with it. 

Stayed in line, in the sun, for quite some time, to see Basilica San Marco, for instance. I think you’ll like it when you’ll see it, girls. I left a wink somewhere in a corner of the golden domes. 

But then chilled over a glass of white wine. Anytime anyone wants to take a sip, anyone first raises the glass and we all tchin-tchin, as you know we do at home all the time. Tchin-tchin-tchin-tchin. It got so tchin-tchiny, though, that your dad started to kindly ask us to do a quiet tchin-tchin. It’s hilarious how much focus a quiet tchin-tchin requires. But then we got to this 100% Marlon Brando in The Godfather restaurant and tchin-tchining was, practically, the name of the place. The gentleman serving us was from Jordan and that instantly reminded me of Coldplay’s Everyday Life Live in Jordan that we listened to a lot, at your father’s, together. The gentleman asked if I’d been to Jordan, I said no, but I saw some beautiful videos of it. He smiled enthusiastically and I’m sending him the videos via my imagination right now. There’s a possibility that he’d actually seen and listened to the whole thing. Live at sunrise and sunset! If not, this is an opportunity to look at his birthplace from a different point of view.

Man, this time we would’ve let play, I’m sure, Beyoncé’s concert. She’s on the Renaissance World Tour as we speak, her gratitude tour, as she says herself, and we would’ve all enjoyed it here and there. Who knows, maybe we’re meant to enjoy it live together, oh yeah! See? When there’s an even better plan in play, how, how, how would you not want to play? My family heard me saying we only have one life, we’d better live it so much that they’re all yeah, yeah. Kinda like you two are, now. Or are you? 

As opposed to putting our lives on hold for someone who doesn’t appreciate our time and energy. Pure love, basically. It’s invisible and invaluable, we can’t ever blame anyone for not seeing it. Putting our soul first is the superpower that makes the world go round. Our presence is the present. Cupid shoots at our hearts, we shoot for the stars, same. There’s nothing wrong with us wanting to be happy. It’s our birthright, so our brain can’t be grateful and anxious at the same time. It’s when the heart outsmarts the mind. To figure out who has our best interest at heart and who hasn’t comes easy when we pay attention to it, it’s a process but if we have to do it, we totally can do it. We all do it as soon as we figure out that it’s us who are responsible to have our best interest at heart first. And then sit back, relax and have some ice cream. Like we always do. Over a movie. And cuddle or stretch or laugh. Naturally. 

Venice, to me, felt like a castle, a castle you read about in books, a castle you drew when you were a kid, a castle like the one we saw a million times, as you were growing up, in Shrek. Or Frozen, Trolls, or Coco. It’s surrounded by water, it makes the most romantic fairytale authentic. The core is always the truth. It’s unique. 


That’s what you are 

Stilеttos kicking vintage crystal off the bar 

Category: bad b*tch, I’m thе bar

Alien superstar

Whip, whip

                                                          Alien Superstar – Beyoncé. Can’t help myself, told ya. 

John Lennon said: Being honest might not get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones. When you constantly choose your honest self, you get in the flow, compassion comes along, you feel everyone’s energy and let it be (for the first time ever). It’s the fire intensifying in your heart that’s pushing you – and the world together with it – forward. 

Going for a cool run or a quick walk to see the sun at dawn, in Venice, in summer, has a sort of sparkle attached to it. I felt like in a mystical maze all the time. Locals minding their Italian business, early in the morning, in a city that feels like an open book where history started to write itself ages ago and, as history is in the making, here we are, writing it in the present. Life in the making. Life in the clothes. So much life in one little world. Luckily, there’s also the underworld. Where we’re all – ta-da! – naked. As we live every moment in Venice, words type themselves inside the book. No cars, only boats and – ta-da! – gondolas. And I love cars and driving.

Sounds like music would squeeze in perfectly in here. It’s funny how, after a glass of white wine and the pizzazz!, we came across I Musici Veneziani, the most prestigious concert hall nel cuore di Venezia, and got tickets, on the spot, to Vivaldi’s Le Quattro Stagioni and Barocco ed Opera concert, later that night. I didn’t even stop for a second to think about the flow we were in. Everyone was complaining about the heat, that’s why. Everyone but me, wahaha. I surely felt it, but the twenty minutes of yoga in the morning might have helped, who knows. I toned down on the bravery at some point, but the enthusiasm shined through no matter what, what to do. I like to strike while the iron is hot, you get me, that’s the thing. Sometimes, though, some things need some things. Like wine does, , , so.

A gondola ride at dusk, in Venice, is not bad, either. I didn’t expect to like a gondola ride quite as I did. It caught us all, in fact, by surprise, again. Floating on water in something symbolic feels soothing on the canals of the castle. On the small ones, not on the Grand Canal, at the suggestion of the lovely staff at the hotel.

Canal Grande is best lived at dawn. You know why, why, you know why, why, because we like to do it, we like to do it, we like to do it nice and rough(!!!!!!!). Because you can also go to the fish market. Pause on Ponte di Rialto and pass by the fruit, vegetable, spices market on the way to it. It’s a buzz you can only sense early in the morning. A sort of mood. A sort of smell. A sort of tone. A sort of painting. Claude Monet painted six views of this stretch of the waterway. Six out of thirty seven works of Venice he began during 1908, on his only visit to the city. All the sense in the world or all the sense in the world?

Why do you have to be so damn unconventional all the time?, my brother, calmly, fully relaxed, sinking into his comfy chair, asked me while looking sharply into my eyes and seemingly surprised at himself for being surprised still or yet again. It’s almost midnight, it’s only us and a few other strangers on the terrace of our wonderful hotel in Venice (Radu picked for him and the girls and then – ta-da! – us), on the Thursday right before the Friday we were about to kiss goodbye for a while (yaycks), sigh, and tell each other Be smart. We talked, laughed a lot, but then I also cried (I care!!), it got to that and we didn’t even open the lovelove box, but then laughed again and I talked a lot (it almost always gets to that, people usually have to sleep, Cristina). Until the delightful blond Italian James Bond (as my brother would call the blond Italian James Bond every time he walked away after bringing us a cocktail or two, or white wine) closed the place with us two. I wore an electric blue silk dress I got on a day that seemed so random I don’t even remember the day, but it was the day I got the electric blue silk dress on, a couple of years ago, and it’s on this Thursday that I wore it first. Apart from a few times at home, this summer, after I’d bumped into it – cut all of its soft hems, of the ruffles included; a hem just does something to silk – and loved just how naked it made me feel. Free.

The night ended with him telling me You ca do and be everything you want. It was him to suggest going to an island nearby for a proper beach day, while in Venice, after all. Of course it made all the sense in the world.

When funny timing is at play and a brilliantly farfetched Tarantino twist twists, you can not not pay attention to it. So, on Wednesday, when we went to a beach on Lido, an island a twenty minutes boat ride away from Venice, a jellyfish bit me while I was carelessly enjoying the sea with your dad and mine. These things kinda love you, said my brother, intriguingly, while laughing. Yeah, guess so, said I while feeling and looking at the burn. It didn’t stop us from doing our thing forwards, but when it happened the second time around, your dad and I agreed on interesting… A wasp jellyfish wrapped around my right arm twice that day. And you know what a jellyfish bite feels like? Take a wild guess. Electricity. Literally.

Man, you would’ve liked to just be with us in the sea. Chilling. Talking. Laughing. Splashing, the whole drill. It would’ve been our first time together in the Adriatic Sea, but hey, this full proper beach day, just like when I was a kid myself, would’ve never happened if it weren’t for you, girls. And for your dad, always mindful of where to get you on vacation next, but also of how to raise you best, how to bring you in the presence of happiness, how to have all the confidence in the world, how to help you shine when he drives you to school in the morning and absolutely adores it. He doesn’t make a big deal out of anything, I know him and I know that big things are just as important as small things. 

There’s something, or a lot, he’s bringing to your education from the way we were brought up; with loads of freedom. Nobody taught us about freedom. We sensed it through the power of example. Just like it was with happiness. Or greatness. We were always mingling with the adults and growing around great people. Everyone has greatness inside themselves eager to be discovered. Ninety percent of how you learn is watching great people.

One of the best things that a film director today can do for an actor is not be watching it on a monitor, not be watching it on a tv set, oftentimes in a whole other room than where the scene is taking place. We’re putting the camera right here, I’m right here, looking right at her, and here we go… Look at their eyes, see the environment around them. This is the creative part, you’re there, it’s back and forth. You’re part of the electric current that’s going on, said Quentin Tarantino. Just like it is in life, girls. Passion all over the place.

Just like water is all over Venice. The underworld with its mystery and wonder makes the boat ride back to the airport feel like a new beginning instead of the end. 

We all might’ve imagined entirely different scenarios, but what brought the four of us together was, I believe, a common vision. The flow, word for word! Plus, we hadn’t had a family vacation like this one in a while – a year, hm. It was in Andorra, in the year 2000, on our road trip to the South of France and a detour to Barcelona, because hey, in the car with mom, Radu and dad driving through the morning streets of Andorra la Vella, that I first listened to Baz Luhrmann’s Sunscreen, after all. So, you never know when the miracle strikes. If you took the Albert Einstein way and see everything is a miracle, you know what I’m talking about, miracles are all around all the time. The other option is as if nothing is a miracle. Are you falling off your chair, too? Your choice. Your laugh.

Your ride. Car ride. Boat ride. Plane ride. Surf ride. Life ride. Ride Or Die. Joy ride. Alchemy. 

Hey, this is Cristina Pavelescu wearing a music cassette sweater, decoding (life) style and writing from wherever, yet always living in OZ, a world I invite you into. To smile in front of our screens (and live one day), put any kind of questions, answer in writing (or imagination) and marvel at fashion which is, in fact, style.


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A Metaphor

July 24, 2023

Authenticity hurts. There’s a song called Love Hurts. It was, is on the music cassette my brother and I used to fall asleep to as kids. Authenticity and love, to me, is the vision of authenticity looking into the eyes of love. In the mirror. So how can something like this hurt, right? I know. 

Some just choose to listen to the idea of Love Hurts their entire life. I’ve just paid attention to the lyrics and now I know why I haven’t listened to it in such a long time, hallelujah. But by this point, the fabulous news is that the idea of those lyrics doesn’t affect me anymore. The spiralling into whatever doesn’t feel right. True. The mere existence of the word love in the song must’ve done the trick and set me into sweet daydreaming followed by dreaming. I didn’t hear hurts. And the serene atmosphere we were in before falling asleep. Of course the cassette still gives me goosebumps. Of course!

You know best what feels authentic to you.

A discussion with bestie on the phone this last Saturday night – Saturday night night, 00.00 my time, 22.00 her time, me at my home, her at her home – had me laughing like I knew I was in the mood of, yet it still caught me by surprise. Life! Life caught me by surprise and life made me laugh.

I’m always proud of her when she’s the most her and I know she’s always proud of me when I’m my most me. Proud of the smallest achievements, in the meantime, too, certo. So, she’d gone out the night before, got a little tipsy – we both like to get loose and feel good, feel safe – and let herself be carried away so much that she would just not stop from simply being happy. Herself. Lovely, loving with the – attention – female friends she was out and about. The night flew, as Friday nights do, and when the time came for her and her ladies friends to say goodbye, hug, kiss and all the candy stuff, as you’d imagine, one of the ladies told her – quote – Oh, f*ck off, you’re so full of s*it, I don’t like you – end of quote. I couldn’t stop from laughing while walking around my apartment, in my frilly blush pink knickers. She’d just ordered herself some Indian. Her voice while telling me the story and the vivid vision of her face whilst listening to the aforementioned lady my imagination was giving me would not leave my sight. Just as her amazement wouldn’t leave her mind. I immediately thought of you, she told me. Welcome to my world, I told her. She’d, obviously, been there already, but we needed to officially tchin-tchin for it, in both of our imaginations at once. For forever.

And for You can’t blame a fly for not knowing honey is better than s*it. You can’t blame them, that’s what they know. And the bees are over there like ‘The honey is so much better over here, homie’. 

Earlier in the evening, my brother called. We hadn’t talked-talked in a while. Hey, him, heeey, me, what’s up, him, good, home, me, whose home, imagine the tone, mine, I smile, ooh, with whom, him, we both laugh, just me, I carelessly, but surely, reply and continue. Did you just call to ask me something or anything and that’s it or is this a longer thing? It’s Saturday night, this is as long as we want it to be, he replied, good, wait, let me put my headphones and turn the music on, me. It’s 22.00 my time, 20.00 his time. And so we begin. So, how come you’re at home, alone, on Saturday night? We went from how we treat every hour of every day (it sounds more serious than it was, although it was pretty serious at times, but we’re used to a certain sort of rhythm we enjoy and when there’s joy, there’s truth, I could go on and on and on with this bracket and I, most definitely, will outside of it), to his daughters (I’m hugging in my heart as we speak), to holidays, to how we can not have light without the dark and to we all have good and bad within us, everything that good stands for and everything that bad stands for, it’s how we balance the scales thats creating our lives. It’s a choice, ta-da!

It’s nothing but a choice and it doesn’t take anything or anyone other than us to choose the side we, basically, launch the rockets from. 

At some point – I’d just been warming up and, trust me, I’d talked really fast, it’s how I usually talk with my brother out of the eagerness, I guess, to communicate as much as possible everything that crosses my mind, every detail is crucial, obviously, and you never know when he needs to hang up or something – he says – in the middle of my banter – Sis, listenWhat, is that it, I question mark and exclamation mark the s*it out of it. Now he can’t stop laughing and tells Gema – who’s just come down from putting their baby boy to sleep – the What, is that it, question mark, exclamation mark, yes, part. Listen, it’s our only twenty minutes we’ve got today to have an ice cream and hold hands before actually going to bed, says he. It’s the first time he’s ever said it like that, that’s how exhausted he must’ve been. In a good way. We’d laughed about it just before. Laugh at the exhaustion, I don’t see a better option anyway. Laugh and then sleep. It’s the honesty he knows I’m mad about, one, he is, too, two, and the honesty he knows makes me happy, also, whooh. Well, can’t argue with that, I’m happy to just know that, me. See, that’s why we should be able to see each other as much as we want to, I tell him. Love you, love you, too, mwa! It’s the time that makes you fly.

All these lines and brackets feel too natural not to be here. It’s why they are here.

If I was listening to someone singing that now and I knew that they’d written it, produced it, and sung it, I wouldn’t be taking the piss out of them because they wore terrible clothes. D’you know what I’m saying? For a f*cking 20-year-old. Why the f*ck would they be taking the piss out of me?, said George Michael in the Wham! latest documentary. And George Michael is a style icon, hallelujah! And this is why I’ve always said that style is not ever just about clothes and that clothes are not just clothes. Plus, it was none other than – drumroll – Emmanuelle Alt – drumroll – herself, 20 years or so later, that – dazzlingly – covered the Wake Me Up Before You Go Go thingy. Love all over the place! Be the light anyway. Love and only f*ck extraordinarily (off is so passé), is there any other way? Hell no. Just an effervescent, unspoken but felt ‘yes’ in perfect timing, d’you know what I’m saying?

Oh la la la la la la la laaaaa

Authenticity only hurts someone who might find it hard to be authentic – we all might’ve been there, sister, it’s alright, don’t panic – or who might not even be familiar with the term itself. I’m sure, however, that everyone, everyone knows what love is. At least as a metaphor. Rocket. Rocket. Rocket. Real. We’re all born with it, newsflash, we all are it, it’s why life is non stop poking us to be it. But hey, you choose whether you are or not it. Metaphooor. It’s why we’re all on the phone right now choosing to just be. It. It’s why we’re all home. Metaphoooor.

On the morning of the Saturday following the Friday above, bestie sent me a song. Have been listening to it non stop, listen to it, she texted me. Oh, I know it, I love it, am going to listen to it now, I text her. It’s us, she tells me. We high five in our texts. Sometimes next to a heart. It’s next to the ever growing pink heart this time. It came in perfectly. Just as it does right now, as I’m walking to the McDonald’s I can see the sign of from my apartment and I’ve just recently realized it was the only one in the city that used to be called Rock and Roll, aw, isn’t that cool. Adorned with guitars and everything. The rhythm of the song is perfect for walking and stuff. Noise cancelation on. It’s Electric Love – Børns.

Love is, really, the one thing each and every one of us wants, so chillax, we’re all together in the same boat, look fear in the eyes and do it anyway. 

When your cheeks or belly hurt from so much laughing, that’s when authenticity “hurts” and it’s the best. Just like love does. Yes.

Hey, this is Cristina Pavelescu wearing a music cassette sweater, decoding (life) style and writing from wherever, yet always living in OZ, a world I invite you into. To smile in front of our screens (and live one day), put any kind of questions, answer in writing (or imagination) and marvel at fashion which is, in fact, style.


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Candy World

July 11, 2023

Every now and then say ’What the f*ck’. ‘What the f*ck’ gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future, said Miles Dalby to Tom Cruise.

Some movies seem to have been, especially, surfing through life only for you and them to find each other at the perfect time. Even my brother, in a conversation recently, was amazed by the fact that I hadn’t seen Risky Business and today, July 5th, is the day I saw it for the first time ever. I intentionally (and softly) refused to watch the trailer, as I do, kind of covered my ears whenever I heard details about it coming towards them. Why hadn’t I seen it? No idea. The whole family has always loved Tom Cruise. I, however, of course, knew about the dance. And those Wayfarers. The smile. 

Incredible, Risky Business also has a song that’s been following me since I’ve known myself. Whenever it started anywhere, I had a moment of tudududududududum on drums and everything. You know, when it’s up there. Tudududududududum. In my mind for sure, if not in real life, every time. I remember last time it happened with the whole fam in the car. It was dark, but it was dark because the sun hadn’t come out yet, it was that early in the morning that we had to get to the airport and leave on a vacation together. My brother was driving his car I really like – spaceship meets music studio – and this song started to, easily, invade it through the speakers. It was perfect. I interrupted the discussion in a rather warm, almost silent – as if no one wanted to wake up anyone although we were all tidy because we like tidy in the morning – tone going on and said Ooh, one of the most interestingly (or beautifully) constructed songs ever. My brother swiftly looked at me, in the rearview mirror, and, in a calm tone, said Agreed.

It has haunted me as it has probably haunted you, we live on the same planet. Or do we? I know that any time I heard In The Air Tonight, I thought – even if it was just a rocket kind of thought – about what was happening in the moment or what I was in or what I was thinking about, feeling. Tudududududududum.

Had I seen the movie earlier on, the memory of the moment the song enters the movie would have, most definitely, come up, at least for a fraction of a second. But who is going to bring the moment the song enters the movie in the moment from now on? You with me? It’s the beauty of art. Vitality. Yum.

Yes, one might see or hear or live some of the most unexpected things when parents are away on holiday. It might very well be connected to the fact that I, for instance, am so happy when my parents are on holiday, to know that my parents are happy on holiday and my brother is, too.

Or when you get high on music.

Let you hair down, gurl is what it feels like Chino, my friend’s dog, wants to tell me – I’m laying, with Jay, my friend, on a blanket, in the grass, with our heads on the ground, next to some fairy tale trees, in full Summer – every time she starts to check me out from a distance, circle me around, almost whistle innocently while doing so and, as soon as she senses I divert my attention to something else other than her playfulness, bam, she, very smoothly, in a matter of seconds, grabs my hair with her mouth and pulls out the hair tie out of it, with her teeth. Like a pro, it almost doesn’t hurt. It makes you, instantly, think of someone you love stroking your head and the tingly thingies in your stomach. Chino makes sure the hair tie is in your sight, though, she knows how important a hair tie is to you. A hair tie around your wrist if not wrapping around your hair. 

The other day, my friend Andreea asked for the hair tie I had around my wrist. I wasn’t using it. I missed a breath at the thought alone of being about town without a hair tie around my wrist, but then thought of just how much you want to tie your hair and you have no hair tie on you, oh no, so I gave it to her wholeheartedly. In the breath that I’d missed, however, I acknowledged to myself that 1. I’m heading home, I’m safe, 2. I just got a new bunch of the same hair ties I like (because they’re the hair ties I’d discovered last the longest, don’t break when I need them the most, don’t have any unnecessary artifice to them – can an artifice be ever necessary?), the things you can buy versus the things you can not, because, miraculously, hair ties somehow always find ways to travel the world and finally, while blowing a kiss 3. I’d just got the hair tie to match my wrist perfectly, it’s that balance I’d been, patiently, achieving. Not too tight, not to loose, a hair tie that ties your hair perfectly, too, and boom, they’re on a new trajectory. And so are you. Mwa!

A special sort of scream pierces through my awareness and takes my mind off of anything. I’d just got out, in the sunset sky, on the bedroom balcony, when the scream matched the live painting unfolding in front of my eyes. On a not so distant office building roof, a couple of seagulls were chirping so loud it transformed into screaming. I could see their beaks, in profile, wide open, hear the scream and then, only for a split second sense the silence as their beaks, only for a split second, closed to begin, immediately, again. They were screaming while intensely starring at their chicks, in the not so distant air, learning to fly. Screaming that sounded like calling and calling and calling. And calling. As soon as the chicks landed back, next to their parents, the screaming stopped. It was fascinating. But then a chatter started. Love is constant communication and adjustment. Further instructions, chirp, chirp, chirp and off into the sky the parents flew. Almighty. Flying around in circles, above the roof, in the not so distant air. Flying. Flying. Guess what the chicks were doing this whole time. Yup, screaming, their beaks, in profile, wide open while intensely starring at their parents, the vavavoom. But in a very cute way, babies way. You could tell by their voices they were babies. Adorable babies watching their parents flying around. There was no one else in our spectrum. So peaceful in the sunset sky. Birds living a healthy family life. The big seagulls then landed back only to encourage – this is what another round of chirping sounded like – the little seagulls to fly with them. And off into a flock they did. Fearlessly, although we all know what that feels like at first. Chattering teeth emoji, but hey, who’s flying now? They all are. The parents continued the screaming while flying, I bet they wanted their kids to be safe and make their own way in life. Maybe it’s their way of sweet talking, but it was very loud in the sky. Sweet, but loud. Loud, but sweet?

Just like life keeps calling you.

Giving you options. The choice is yours. You’d better buckle up and get ready for the thrill. Laugh. Scream. Learn to fly. Into ecstasy. All that jazz. Kind of like driving. Sometimes, you’re with a bunch of people, sometimes you’re with someone in particular and you are in it alone, for sure, too. Or in the first place? Kind of like flying. A plane. Like Tom Cruise does. Flying planes in American Made or in every other movie he made and then some. Sure, first, you have to make the choice to get in the car or not, on the plane or not. Either way, become a bird.

Every time you choose yourself, life throws a party for you. Is there anything better than you choosing your truth? Hm. Same. I mean, yes, it is. It only gets better all the time. It’s something that your souls just knows. I have seen bears before, in bright daylight, from the car, or, as a child, at the circus, but to hear a bear in his own environment, late at night, breathing almost next to me, on a full moon, is something that shakes something in your stomach. It’s the same something. It was 1:46am – I checked the time to maybe get an idea of what that something could be – when I, suddenly, woke up and up on my bum, in the bedroom upstairs. The silence in nature is a thing already, but to feel this thing in your stomach is something. The bear must’ve sat in the garden next to ours at the cabin in the mountains, I couldn’t see him, it was too dark, the kind of darkness you can clearly see the stars in, and I didn’t want to abruptly cut it off with a flashlight. He was growling and making sounds I’ve never heard or felt in my stomach before. It was – I just can’t say terrifying – thrilling and peaceful at the same time. It was something. 

It’s funny how subtly it came to me, in an instant, this moment I, so unexpectedly, lived. I laugh a little whenever I remember about it. So, it involves someone else, not in particular, but still, someone else. Morning, breakfast, beach, music, water, new people, mixed everything (in my mind, at the time, but hey, beach, water, sun). Yada, yada, yada, a beautiful afternoon going into an amazing sunset, all from the comfiest sun beds facing the sun, the vibe was electrifying, in a very chill way, is what I felt on the inside, but, due to yada, yada, yada, was under the impression that I had to take care of… things. The things that I thought were mine to be taken care of not only were not mine to be taken care of, but also weren’t even things I liked. Well, that’s why they were not mine. There were, however, things I did like. Meeting a chill (so chill) couple that exuded this relaxation the three of us, naturally, sank into and talked about everything – the cool lady and I, in particular – was one. Vibes. Cocktails. No bulls*it, no nothing. They were my little boat – Joel: Porsche. There is no substitute. Miles: F*ck you – detaching from the big boat and taking me to the sea. For a minute. I say the big boat, but what I mean is this beautiful – I didn’t even bother to know the name of – hotel poolside. It was a beach day that rolled into things. But this is not the moment I, so unexpectedly, lived and laugh a little whenever I remember about. I mean, this is one, too, but here I go. 

We’re on the big boat and amongst us, the crowd, there was this guy, this someone not in particular, but, still, someone. We all got high on music. But, of all, he was the only one not to engage – at some point, that perfect point – in anything that might have disturbed his peace, his living in the moment. We don’t really need to – I know I don’t want to – specifically, name what that thing was. All I knew was that it was precisely what I felt in that moment. Felt. In my stomach. I had my sunglasses on, my body seemed relaxed, but something about that thing felt extra. Good. Complete? It’s not about that. It’s about a choice. A choice felt different. He chose himself. Presumably, the things to be taken care of were for all to take care of. He took care of himself first. You do you, you choose you, same, is what we’re, definitely, talking about here. Not him, not her, not them.

It’s funny how subtly it came to me, in an instant, because it also happened in an instant. A couple of summers ago. I’d withdrawn from the crowd, for a second. No, I was still in the crowd, but completely laid my back on the sun bed. Breathing. Looking at the sky from underneath the sunglasses. The shadow started to feel so good. You know what a shadow feels like on a July afternoon going into evening. It was so comfy. I started to focus on the sound of the waves in the distant horizon and beyond. Closed my eyes. Stayed there. Slowly leaned my head to the left. Slowly opened my eyes only to see this image that has just, now, made me smile again. Laugh for a bit, I admit. The guy was so relaxed, probably the most relaxed guy in that moment in time, he was not that far away, he was just near, he was kind of in the crowd, but not really. A couple of large sun beds away from my sun bed, let’s say. But he was so far away into the universe. You know when it’s the real deal, you cringe when it’s not. He had his sunglasses on, too, obviously. Everyone had (but, hm). I instantly felt Oh yeah. Precisely where I was at. My every inch plus that extra one. He made his choice, I made mine, but it wasn’t really (really, really, really) mine, that’s the thing. Sparklingly, my soul has known things for sure, all along, and that’s the thingy thing. Not only to stay true to myself, but to live in the moment entirely which is, in fact, same, so that’s why my passion for style. And instants. 

Some might say that everyone entertaining everyone was living in the moment, some might say that the guy was, who cares what anyone says, anyway? 

This is not about anything romantic, this is just human. Even if from a couple of large sun beds away. We did, however, intersect, later on, as we were kind of facing each other at the big table, in the evening. Couples, couples, yay, yes, but when you’re in a couple you feel alone, it gets weird. Feelings start to feel contradictory. Yada, yada, yada. Good times mixed with really weird vibes. Something just felt terrifyingly wrong as my soul was partying all along. I was feeling so good inside, yet something made me realise that I wasn’t. Fully. Inside. Outside. That’s why the weird. I’d decided, a while ago, not to compartmentalise and, so, appreciate that everyone’s doing their best. It’s your choice to see if you feel fabulous when matching their best or not. If your inside matches the outside. Romantic.

Anyway. This guy was still wearing his sunglasses, at the dinner table. We, indeed, could still see the sun in the distant horizon, but you know how orangey and red the sun turns around 9pm, how all shades of blue and a little bit of pink and purple and maybe some cotton candy clouds make up the sky and they all sink into the sea, go to sleep, only for us all to look at the stars, the moon… I even snapped my fingers – on the inside – at the same time as I laughed about it – on the inside, still, jees, see? – and thought man, I would like my sunglasses on now, too. It felt good knowing that at least he had his on. I had the champagne silk yellow dress I made for myself on, yes! However, some weird things were going on at the table and I believe he noticed them. He was so chill in his chair. I thought I was, too. I know I was trying to match my chill to my chair when he asked me, out of nowhere, Are you still high? In the warmest, coolest tone. It felt like an Are you ok? that came through as a truthful and trustworthy You are fine, chillax. It was the first time, that day, I made the conscious choice to not care about anything else and, peacefully, but thrillingly said Af. That felt like a truthful and trustworthy Thanks.

Coming forward from the heart is what breaks through and it is what makes my heart skip a beat no matter the circumstances. If it’s not coming from the heart, I feel it, too. Balloons everywhere help, but it’s coming from the heart that really strips off any barriers. When someone sees the real them, you and you see the real you, them, you both make a choice that feels good. It’s the little things and the grand things. It feels like we’re just getting started here, over and over again, but this is what life is all about, so. Flying. Work in progress. Fun!

We sprint and we chill, equally as grand.

Isn’t peace of mind – a subtle power – so sexy? It just smittens you. Sometimes instantly, just like it did in childhood, sometimes deep into some grown up situation, in the rain or the eye of the storm. You feel something. Something that’s so personal, it becomes universal. That’s why that guy, in that moment, was so far away into the universe. I don’t, to the day, know anything about him, but that’s another thing I like to stumble across over and over. I don’t have to. It’s what it feels like in the moment that has the potential of a good moment. I wrote Complete? earlier. Truly satisfied just came to mind. Same. And Womack & Womack’s Candy World. I read somewhere that butterflies, fireflies and ladybugs are sacred. I believe that’s why. It’s the loooooooove! 

If you can’t say it, you can’t do it.

Hey, this is Cristina Pavelescu wearing a music cassette sweater, decoding (life) style and writing from wherever, yet always living in OZ, a world I invite you into. To smile in front of our screens (and live one day), put any kind of questions, answer in writing (or imagination) and marvel at fashion which is, in fact, style.


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Your Ride Or Die

June 26, 2023

Is this my cue to write with an actual pen on an actual piece of paper? Back in school, it felt like hand writing did the trick for me, writing on a computer didn’t feel that personal. However, as I was opening myself up to life more and more, I felt the need for speed. A.k.a. a game I used to play, hm, as a kid, with my brother. The speed of typing started to feel more exhilarating. It came closer to matching the speed of the words running around naked throughout me, waiting for me to playfully, of course, no pressure, put them in plain view for everyone to see and enjoy the ride. No pressure, no diamonds.

Sometimes, it really does feel like playing. I take words from there to here, I cut entire phrases to paste them somewhere unexpectedly, rhyming feels like music, it’s a kind of rhythm that’s genuine. It’s the atmosphere and, boom, the party begins. It’s the piano that I’m playing on. Handwriting is slow dancing and today is the day I might switch to it and see. I’m in the middle of nature. For the moment, there’s no electricity. Can’t mess with the battery of any device in the house, but knowing myself, I just might, I’m going to be on this macbook until it runs out of it. Fun. Let’s see. See, see, si.

Seeing someone you love happy is one of the best feelings out there, yes, but to me, seeing someone I love happy is, also, one of the most empowering feelings out there. And in here. It gives me wings to fly. It puts a smile on my face without realising. But real eyesing. It makes me look at the sun and wink. 

It’s love. It’s not until you choose your pure happiness, though, that you love yourself, choose yourself for real, for real. You for real, for real, the real you, your values, wishes, principles, dreams, your integrity, your truth. You love clarity, it only makes sense. Choosing your truth is loyalty to yourself first. It’s so delicate it sparkles. Loyalty feels like standing up for yourself. You love life and are in awe of the idea of it alone, in the first place. Yourself first in the first place. Loyal to yourself, but, ooh, then, when you’re loyal to someone you love and they’re loyal to you, for the same reason, which is, in fact, no reason, wink, wink, the superpower songs are written about shines through. Loyalty is sexy, I mean it is to me, the sexy kind of loyalty. What? You know what. When it’s the loyalty that comes from your heart, its desire alone tickles your stomach. It’s when it becomes delicious. Trusting completely and letting go, mm… Never have I ever faked an orgasm in my life.

It’s only you who’s allowing something you don’t like the company of to be in your company, so what are you allowing in today? Stylistically speaking. Being authentic is the key to your destiny. Style is all about authenticity. Interesting. True. Sexy. Funnily enough, the truer to yourself you become, the more people that you thought were close to you are getting out of your path.

I’ve always liked bonding for real, for real, and always have pursued it with such curiosity and intensity and passion and devotion that I’m sure it’s part of my destiny. To hop on and ride. Quite the drive. A rollercoaster for real, for real. I kept on telling my bestie, on the phone, a while ago, careful what you wish for. I, recently, told my bestie, on the phone, well, it’s what you wished for. She said yup, I know, I know and look at me now. I’ve kept on loving a proper rollercoaster for as long as I’ve known myself. I knew I loved a rollercoaster at the first ride. First again. An exciting rollercoaster, obviously. 

One as such that comes to mind made me laugh uncontrollably and the guys sitting on my left and right swear in despair. I thought they were kidding, but when I turned my head to see their faces, as the train was riding up, along with its cracking sound through our backbones, hearing them speaking their truth only made me laugh harder. One of them was my then very longtime boyfriend, the other one was our mutual friend we were vacationing in Barcelona with. 

The hands in the air and the whole vavavoom of the first flight. First. This is your destiny, baby, you’re meant to fly. And off to everything in the amusement park I went pointing at afterwards, of course.

I assumed everyone loved riding high. That it came and felt naturally to everyone. I know, I know, chillax. High energy is everyone’s birth right, though. And so is the journey to it. Different every time and different for each and every one of us. It might take a lot of hard work, but then learning to sit back might be a thing, too. Relax and enjoy. Be the most you you can be and, slowly but surely, embrace this high energy that feels so natural you completely trust it and you find the sun being awesome everyday and, hence, want it. Wink at it, yes. This is one thought. Growing up, here comes another one, I thought that everyone was, of course, paying attention to everything as best as they could. Pointing at the spark. Wanting to be happy.

I knew I just liked You’re Making Me High from the moment I bought for myself, at eleven years old, the Secrets cassette.

It was weird to realise, weirder and weirder with every time, that not everyone – you thought was close to you, but you see, it’s feeling the feelings, not thinking the feelings – is happy to see happy. And – wait, wait – would do weird stuff and backfire out of goodness knows where and we all know why when the idea of pure love alone arises on one’s face. Imagine on two faces at once. When stuff needs to happen, stuff happens. Deep. You know why, why, you know why, why, because we like to do it, we like to do it, we like to do it nice and rough. Each and every one’s soul journey is unique. But what I learned, over and over again, is that I can’t be played. People who play me play themselves, said Prince. You are made stronger by the things that hurt you the most. It’s when we start to play Carmageddon. Kidding, kidding. Drama that was never yours to begin with starts to dissipate and different kind of journeys start to dance with yours. Fireworks.

Careful what you wish for goes twice, because here I am, slow dancing in my mind. In broad daylight. It’s raining outside. It’s Summer and few things come close to a thunderstorm in the middle of nature. Few things my ass, I know, but you know what I mean x2. It’s the rain musicians are writing about, it’s the birds that are chirping even when there’s no electricity, but guess what, we’re only so lucky, electricity always comes back. Powerful. Empowering. And we only love it more. 

I said I would sit down and handwrite, I even lit up candles, but was in way too much awe not to stare at nature. Hear it. Absorb. 

The moments of silence we alternate with loud music… Mystery would’ve rhymed better, but who can put up with loud music? Mystery can. Life is about living it just as much as it is about writing about it. Music is an universal language and I know style has the power to be one, too, wrote I in the description of my first book. Oh-oh.

People that love you sense there’s something about you and they love it, too, because they can see it in you, they don’t even have to know why, they know they will one day, they can already see, in your eyes, that you know and that’s enough for them to be happy for you, for them, and you feel the love, it’s a buzz you adore. The buzz of an evening in Summer.

And then there are those who sense it and don’t know what it is, either, but are not happy with the glow. That doesn’t make sense, I know. They even try to make you feel bad about it, try their best to tone you down, but then you see them mimicking it. Fortunately, you’re not confused by it anymore and put the poker face on. You choose to be happy, not take it personally. They might even want to start asking themselves the big questions, too, who knows, and, hence, get happy because this is what the glow is all about. It’s invisible just like guess what is. Yup! It, too, feels like part of your role here. But, then, a moment comes when you say to yourself hmm, that doesn’t feel right, it’s the intimate confessions you make to yourself that lead to an entire decisionmaking process. You might question it a lot, your heart wants to give the people you care about chance after chance, but it is later on that you understand your heart has been trying to reach out to you the whole time.

And it only makes sense. Again. You haven’t been entirely true to yourself. After doing my best to break up with another longtime boyfriend – it just didn’t feel right – and trying, for years afterwards, to untangle myself from the web of ideals I constructed for and got trapped in myself, mom told me, one day, you just made him feel good all the time. So simple, yet so true. The truth is always simple. I thought it’s what relationships are supposed to feel like, good all the time, not for a second truly did I think about my pure happiness. It’s part of the journey, so that’s cool, pfew. A relationship can look perfect on the outside. To you, that’s the funny part. I laugh as I’m writing this in the middle of nature. Another time around. I’m almost naked, it’s that extra inch that’s not touched by the sun. Or is it? Similar to that extra inch that might have never been touched for real, for real by anyone. You included. Until now. Fireworks. Pause, pause, pause.

And we haven’t even touched the femininity as a thing, yet. Have we taken it for granted or what? When you feel it threatens the person you’re with, ooh, you almost pretend like you don’t know what femininity is. For real, for real. When it threatens both the masculine and the feminine around you, within the love relationships, within the friendships, you might make the honest mistake to shove it down as hard as you can. It makes you feel even more of the alien you already felt that you were. But when femininity feels as good as freedom does – it’s connected to sexuality, so of course it does – it’ll find a way to make you aware. One. And two, the more you shoved it down, the more that its roots miraculously expanded beneath the surface. Just like your capacity for pure love did. Fireworks. And then, one day, your inner world matches your outer world. It clicks. Explodes. Like fireworks do. Like fire works.

Put the ambition in the mix and get ready to thrust from the environment that doesn’t really want to understand how it works.

Life is happening in every moment, it’s an eagerness to meet each day that’s seductive to me. I write stuff, have an idea of where something might go, but in the meantime, life is happening and it all intertwines and, yup, the rollercoaster ride has just entered our vibe. In a flow, it’s original, it’s ever evolving and it’s growing, essentially. Growing into something you couldn’t have imagined, but maybe you did imagine it. A little bit. Then, destiny comes in and swooshes you into the most authentic you. You trust your journey and are a fan of surprises for sure. Concerts riding. A surfboard. 

You’re cool like the Coca-Cola you’re talking about with your brother on the phone while walking, walking, walking and then you sit on the grass. You don’t have a blanket, but you’re in one of your favourite pairs of light corduroy dark blue flares, it’s the third time you’re wearing the new pair or purple sparkling sneakers that have for skateboard use only written on them, but hey, I thought, and the perfect yellow towel thingy you fell in love with at first sight. They’re all here with you to collect the moments in time. I go through these all on the phone. My brother laughs, I get him, he gets me. Suddenly, you’re switching gears like there’s no tomorrow, you’re the driver of your own train, while absorbing the 360 around you. People walking, having picnics or not, kids playing. A very funny dog comes and wants to taste the salad you got with your bestie from a place you both enjoy, you started to eat it with your bestie in another place you both enjoy, in the street, but now it’s my brother that I’m finishing it with and we’re facetiming. It’s been a while since we talked so much – life, life, life – and it happened out of nowhere, perfect timing. We talk about everything from a trip to Venice, to ice cream or some kind of new (or not so new) food obsession, to purpose in life, friendships and love. There’s really no time for or point in bulls*it. As it isn’t ever. It’s like that that! Swans doing their thing in Hyde Park, sun having a convo with the clouds and, gear after gear, there’s this emotion coming up without asking anything, without giving a f*ck. I stop eating, ask for a pause in our discussion. Pause, pause, pause, pause again, thinking wtf, then I can do this, pause, pause, pause, but oh, I don’t give a f*ck anymore either and tears just come out like waterfalls, not a metaphor, I can almost sense their way from my heart, stomach, everywhere, and out into the world. Luckily, I have my sunglasses on, ha! My brother smiles, starts to laugh, he’s just as amazed as I am. In a funny way, it seems. The battery intervenes. Of the phone, this time. I stand up and off of the ground I let myself fly. The Superman story Jerry Seinfeld tells crosses my mind. I laugh. And tell everyone I meet, later in the yet another lovely evening to remember, about it. About the strong emotion in the park and it’s funny how Superman came to mind. We all have a laugh that seems like a sequence in a great movie. It’s the unconditional love for life and the trust. There’s something here that resembles lust.

Living all your emotions is the s*it. Emotions are a natural and necessary part of life, but perception is key. In order to see things clearly, you’d better let go of resentment of any kind and let your joy point at whatever your joy wants to point at. Put yourself first. Yup, one more rollercoaster ride. I think this is what I’ve always been meaning with these rollercoasters. It’s life. And then, the fireworks come in. From the outer world. Which comes from the inner world. So good luck with that, world!

But how can anyone that is not truly interested in their true happiness be interested in yours? And you give them power because you believe they are, but when you see that they aren’t, spoof, they don’t have any power over you anymore, success!

When you love someone, you love them for who they are in this precise moment. Good and bad. When my brother was a child, he would always ask mom, when watching a movie, if someone was good or bad. That was his only barometer. 

Some will take your love for granted and your kindness for weakness, it’s the cowardliness in disguise. Mucho mistrust. Paying attention to everything you love is as important as paying attention to the wolf you feed. 

Were you a believer in everyone’s best everything, fell for it only to figure out you had to put your own man’s pants on only to embrace femininity like never before? It’s a sort of fierceness that comes together with it, a power from within meanders and gets you closer to yourself than ever and farthest away from the coward that you know what did or didn’t or couldn’t get a bee out of the bathroom, but you could. There were times when you thought you couldn’t, but hey, you just did. The bee safe out of the bathroom and him out of your bedroom. Consider to start seeing people for what they are, what they show, what they say, because everything is everything. Stay away from toxic people, basically.

Others will trip over your love thinking they’re not enough and vice-versa, everyone meet courage! Sexiness. Cristina! A different kind of torture. A sexy one. Cristina! It’s when the universe starts to rearrange itself for you both, because hey! It sounds electrifying because it is. I always knew I wouldn’t settle. Waiting is a thrill only when you feel at ease. Peace. Don’t try to be something for everyone, just be everything for someone is something I read and liked written by Leandra Medine Cohen, in her early years of manrepeller.com.

Wolves don’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep. Neither do lions. Do you? The electricity that comes with the lovers choosing each other makes my heart skip a beat, yes, but feels like could light up the entire world, too.

Giving power to people who don’t know what real power is or what to do with it, especially when it’s related to you, is dangerous for you and for the entire world. But you love the sheep, too, so, at times, you might’ve fallen for their declaration of love and passion. Friendship, for sure. But they knew they didn’t have the gut. You believed they did, though. Hoped, maybe. You love all the animals. But you can’t hide the animal in you anymore. Where are the people stepping up for you? You’ve always, without a question or a doubt, stepped up for them. The love was unconditional, without a question or a doubt, too. It’s just not a turn on anymore. And that’s just fine, each and every one’s soul journey is unique. When people step up, it’s sexy. To me. It becomes destiny. Fun! 

Or when they open your eyes, inspire you to do better, be better and make you a better person. That’s a great turn on. Love.

My fingers just won’t stop until I type that it was me, in fact, that knew they didn’t have what it takes. For me. They knew or they didn’t, but they, for sure, didn’t let me know. Hoped it will only take me more. Who knows, maybe I was going to give in and care for them more. But is that true love? Of course not, so that’s a big turn off. Huge. The biggest of them all. I know that if I’m not turned on, baby, nothing is on. This resembles tricking my own soul and promiscuity has never been my thing. Faking for the sake of someone else’s peace? First, what is that, Cristina? Definitely not Cristina. Secondly, that’s not peace for real, for real. Not just not peace is what I mean. It’s someone else’s feast of your energy. You have a lot, you know that, so you think Aw. They had your permission. But no more. It makes sense, it was you who had to see yourself for real, for real. And that’s the fabulous news of today. It’s your gut’s turn. This time is about you having the gut. To choose to feed your soul. And, boom, the universe sends you a gift. That extra inch. Electricity. The other half. The vavavoom.

A rollercoaster car, train. A train of thought. Plane. Rocket.

When I come home from trips, I tend to unpack a.s.a.p. and, sometimes, life feels just as such. You hop on, scream, put your hands up in the air, fly, sing, laugh, get off of the ride and on to the next. Day. Clean. Crisp. Clear. Man plans, God laughs and when we both enjoy a good laugh, it’s chemistry. I said something about slow dancing in my mind back when I was in the cabin in the woods and it was raining. Music is what I missed the most. Life, life, life. Funnily enough, the playlist on my phone is shuffling like there’s no tomorrow through the speaker in the bedroom I’m writing this from. It’s called Loco Amor turned Rockets & Waterfalls as we speak. It’s another evening in Summer, the soft white curtain is tripping over every single song on it. As do I. You’re in the zone, you’re in this supernatural madness. It’s the beat of the wind. They’re all different songs, but they’re my style. I’ve been adding them to the playlist whenever, wherever I felt like oh yeah. It’s for the first time in a very long time that I’m letting it play. First again.

Told you the heart keeps on sending you signals.

Home. Where you and that special spirit are free and can sparklingly say, at once, We did it, baby!

Hey, this is Cristina Pavelescu wearing a music cassette sweater, decoding (life) style and writing from wherever, yet always living in OZ, a world I invite you into. To smile in front of our screens (and live one day), put any kind of questions, answer in writing (or imagination) and marvel at fashion which is, in fact, style.


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Long Hair Don’t Care

June 03, 2023

Your nervous system will naturally feel calm around people with pure intentions and authentic energy, trust it popped out of nowhere, wink, the other days, and I’ve just referenced it to my bestie over the phone, in one of our Called you to tell you this joke turned deep disco conversations of two hours. Fantastic and here we are, full circle. Three hours later, she calls to tell me the joke. It’s real and interesting, so it’s funny, success! Music is blasting through the speaker in the bedroom and I’m spinning, dancing, sitting, laying, you know the drill.

Circles. Listening to a song, as loud as it can go, in your headphones, on repeat for as long as your run in the morning, comes close to what people described their experience with music on mushrooms to be like. I wondered then whether what I was experiencing with music was accurately that without being on anything. At any time of day or night. Something fabulous in my hands, though, goes perfectly with it, I’ll admit. A peach. A hand. I will find out one day. Until then, since this is something I’ve been doing for as long as I basically know myself, I can boldly claim that it’s one of the best feelings out there. For me. It doesn’t happen on demand, it just happens when it happens. And I’m sucked into this moment in time that feels like fresh air, like you can actually hear your heart beating, calm, then extreme. Feels like staring into a gem, into one’s eyes, good loving kissing, anything grand that comes to mind. Wait, that’s the trick, you forget about the mind, this is what this moment is all about.

Dad calling me this morning, on the 1st of June, maybe for the first time ever this early in the morning just to congratulate me on the day, is another feeling like that. 

Or mom calling, a couple of days before, to ask me if I heard about, if I heard about… I said that I did. It was about Tina. It’s sad, but it’s the beauty Tina brought into my relationship with mom that’s way more beautiful than it is sad. It’s the beauty that Tina brought. Full stop. The fine line between a fairy and family. It’s not just about her music, her music was and is just as much in our house as it was anyone’s else we liked, it was and is something. Music is magical, oui, but mom has been, ever since I can remember myself, calling me Tina, short for Cristina. Not all the time, only once in a while, in circumstances I can’t put in a box, but can attach a certain tone to. It always felt natural, I can’t imagine Tina coming from anyone else but mom. It comes with a sort of seriousness or responsibility, I’m sure she hasn’t been calling me Tina to reference The Tina (although she herself is a fan), yet there’s something so soft to this intersection. Obviously, without a doubt, somewhere in the back of my mind, Tina, as a fairy, pops out every time. Then, my mom and I discuss the matter, it’s particular, it’s when Tina becomes family.

A question was asked to me once. Do you get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say to yourself Ooh, you’re Tina Turner and you’re the best. My answer was Absolutely no. I’m far removed from my stage persona when I am home. I’ve never allowed Tina Turner to totally take over my life. I love being me too much. I love me more than I love the personification of my career. It’s two totally separate – if we can call it – entities. On stage, I’m performing, short dress, hair, I’m giving a show. I like to give the show wholehearted, every inch of whatever I can do to please the people. But offstage, I consider myself really a great person! I like me very much. I like Anna Mae Bullock. It’s a different personality, because I’m not acting, I’m myself and I’m enjoying that very much. Even now, casually said Tina in an interview popping out on my instagram.

The Best… Where do I even begin? The beginning. This song, ooh, is one of the hymns I marched into what I had no clue would have become one of the best things life is gifting us with. Dancing and when that dancing is shared with someone who enjoys dancing, too, ooh, few things come close to that. I keep on saying few things, but if I were to add every time I’ve ever said few things come close to, ooh, quite a few times would be the signs of the times. See? 

It could’ve happened at 5am (as we were dancing in some club we enjoyed or at the parties we gave ourselves at our homes when the parents were out, parents’ offices, some place we went on holiday with our then boyfriends, it really didn’t matter and they all called me bébé) for The Best to start and no excuse, no pain (sometimes, the heels were too high and we were unstoppable), no nothing could’ve stopped us to stand up (that is if any of us was sitting, usually, we danced the whole night long, it’s why we were out to begin with) and forget about everything. The first notes and – swoosh – a space rocket took us somewhere. Dancing and singing like it was the two of us only on the dance floor. If it really was the two of us only on the dance floor, it’s very possible that we wouldn’t have danced anyway. Apparently, we were shy. But not with the right atmosphere. It’s the authentic energy we began with and – swoosh – we were in. Long hair don’t care. It didn’t matter where, when, who, what, nothing stopped one or the other, Ral or myself, to, literally, drag each other on the dance floor or on a big speaker, a table, a chair, anything that resembled the stage or the actual stage in the club we liked and throw our hair in the air. From the beginning of our dancing era. Life. Teenagers turned grown-ups with a sort of Tina twist that feels like forever.

Then, we discovered the live version of Proud Mary performed by Tina and Beyoncé and we were hooked. Something greater than us or The Best of us, huh, took over and it was, is, one of the best feelings out there. See? Jees. Joy. Every now and then, we kinda like to do things nice and easy, but somehow we never, ever do nothing completely nice and easy, you know why, why, you know why, why, because we like to do it, we like to do it, we like to do it nice and rough(!!!!!!!). Long hair don’t care all over the place. This is the way we do Proud Mary. Pam, pam, pam, pam, pam. Left a good job in the city… It’s the part we enjoyed doing the most. The choreography, every fingers’ snap, the tone, the relaxation, the calmness and the extreme, the vavavoom.

It’s the fun that comes with the fearlessness, but as soon as the word came to mind, another one came just as fast. You can’t really forget about the mind. Its alignment with your body and spirit takes you to space, in fact, fun fact. It’s the fun that comes with vulnerability. Presence. You’re sucked into grace. Into being, into the truth, into everything. It’s everything Tina will forever be about. It’s – drumroll – passion. More than just a word, but long hair don’t care. 

I’m, now, asking mom why Tina

I just liked to call you Tina

So, no connection to Tina

I’ve always loved her energy.

Some things happen and, at times, it’s only later that you see their wondrous, sweet meaning. We saw the Tina HBO documentary together, a while ago. Tina was, is, indeed, everything we’ve always felt that she was, is, and so much more. Above all, a beautiful soul. It’s what connected us to her at all times.

It’s interesting how you feel an indescribable intimacy with people from far away, while other people, right in your vicinity, are looking for ways to invade it without permission. Intention is a funny thing, you can’t see it, but it’s the pinkest elephant of them all. It speaks volumes when it comes from love and you can’t stop kissing the people. It speaks volumes when it comes from fear, also, and people start acting weird. Joy is forever here as your compass. As loud as it can go. And so is chemistry.

Long hair don’t care. My Gabi does care, though, she’s been cutting it for fifteen years, she always tells me to send her pictures after I style it myself, at home. She’s just as curious about hair as I am. I love her. And hair.

Whoop, a circle.

Hey, this is Cristina Pavelescu wearing a music cassette sweater, decoding (life) style and writing from wherever, yet always living in OZ, a world I invite you into. To smile in front of our screens (and live one day), put any kind of questions, answer in writing (or imagination) and marvel at fashion which is, in fact, style.


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If It’s Real And Interesting, You Can Find The Funny

May 23, 2023

And this is the way it’s gonna be. We’ll start by saying this just rocks. Rocks as in rock as in strength. Rocks as in rock and roll as in fun. Rocks as in cool as in ice. Ooh, ice, yes, here we go. It’s only cold for a couple of seconds, but hot is how it’s gonna go. Go, go, go. People, at times, seem to ignore it. People, at times, get angry that you don’t ignore it also. I was so calm when someone, a couple of years ago, bitterly, told me Oh, you should stop listening to this thing (pointing at my stomach) so much. Oh, how I did not like the taste of that in my stomach. A lightning struck inside. A whole lot of feelings and thoughts flooding into my entire being, all at once. 

I felt people being puzzled by it before, but it takes someone to actually say it to your face for you to realise just how invincible you truly feel thanks to it precisely. Thanks! You don’t even need to fight back. Obviously. You’re a lover, not a fighter, but you’re going to fight for love, roar. In your own unique way. Doing it even when nobody knows about it alone makes you feel good. 

Luckily, I love the ocean way too much not to let it overflow allover, all at once, also. See? It gets majestic. It’s what intuition feels like. The thunder smells like. The sun on your skin. Yes, I can definitely do that. What? Trust. Go with the flow.

You know when I don’t know what you call that is yours and when I don’t know what you call that is not. Picture Miuccia Prada, her style is inimitable, one can’t say anything about it because it is so naturally hers, it’s untouchable, but picture the I don’t know what you call that, too. When you know for sure. You like, you feel right, your stomach is free. Metaphorically, of course, but very much literally also. You taste it and, and, and it’s love on the brain, boom. Boom, boom. 

You know for sure, but, all of a sudden, it explodes, implodes, and you think F*ck, what’s that? That was unexpected, but it’s getting hot, remember. The ships that seemed unbreakable, the love that you, not for a bit, questioned in a way even you, later on, stand in stunned silence yourself, beside your stomach. And that’s something! So, you really are like that, I don’t know what you call that that. Fortunately, your gut’s always been subtly pulsing. It’s the death and rebirth you might’ve heard about or not, but it surely feels like that. You can’t put a finger on it, nor do you feel any need to, you don’t feel anything. The time seems to have stopped. Now what? Time for a hug. You might call it change now, but back in the moment, you didn’t think about change. You just lived it, it’s just as natural as the waves washing over the shore is. It’s only natural. Natural, natural, natural, yes, natural. Nature.

And sometimes I get so scared of what I can’t understand, but here I am, next to you. All these flowers around me got me in awe. My dad tells me that this specific kind of wild daises open themselves up, every day, as soon as the sun comes up and close themselves down as soon as the sun goes down. They don’t open up at all if they can’t see the sun. The back of their petals, the tip of the back of their petals is pink, the lively kind of pink. The birds are chirping af. My dad again comes in, he tells me it’s because of the season we’re in, it’s mid May. It’s their, ta-da, mating season. They declare their love, they decide on where to settle their nest, we’re all assisting a symphony in open air, at sunset. All pink now, wink, on a blanket, in the garden. The scent and petals falling from the blossoming cherry tree I’m under are everything. Just as it is this mental note I took on my dad’s birthday, this mid May. His wish came true.

Other flowers open up as soon as the sun goes down. Seeing a flower opening up, in front of your eyes, in a couple of seconds, and smelling in a way that makes you want to hug it, every day in Summer, at sunset – because this is what a flower in our garden does – is what this change from above starts to feel like. Usually, they turn a camera on to film the flower blossoming and fast forward, later on, for you to see it in a couple of seconds instead of hours, days, years and so on. To see something wonderful open. Let’s take cherries, for instance. You might skip the video altogether and die to eat the cherry. See? Hot. I feel you. But when you see something transforming right in front of your eyes, let’s take kittens getting out of our Loona, for instance, a sort of sparkle comes through. Comes true. It’s everywhere, really, when you stop for a second and see.

What do you think about the whole belly, in plain sight, for the whole world to see? is what a friend, casually, asked me on our casual last Friday evening. I hadn’t given it much thought, but I knew I liked it, always felt like saying hi. What does it mean when a woman decides to pose naked with a baby inside her belly? When a woman carries her baby in plain sight for the whole world to see? We were outside, watched the sunset, the breeze helped us see the entire spirit of an interesting Spring day, slowly vanishing into the night. Sun, clouds, sun again, clouds, the wild daisies must’ve gone mad, but so did the clouds, the mad clouds that seemed to have come out of nowhere, boom, strong, strong wind and, boom, it all calmed down. We’re on the terrace.

A beautiful, naked, round belly instantly comes to mind. Then, the word art does. I think Isn’t this the biggest work of art ever? and say Hm, I’ve never actually said it out loud, not even in my own mind, ever. I don’t know what’s being said, but what I do know is that knowing a baby is inside a belly and the belly is out there for everyone to see, feels a bit like Fontana di Trevi. I go on. Peacefully. The sky feels light even though it’s getting dark. Just thinking about the entire process blows my mind. The transformation a woman’s body is able to perform is magical. It’s an artistic moment in time. Poetic. Supremely powerful. For the mom and for everyone who sees it. On the cover of a magazine, on your friends’ couch, in the eyes of someone you adore, random in the street or, you know, the Super Bowl. It’s her and her baby in… Her. Whatever the mommy feels like being when she’s with her baby, babies, whatever the relationship she intends on having with her baby, I don’t know what you call that. And it’s easier for the daddy to touch the belly whenever. Basically, the baby is naked all the time, you know what that feels like, free, and is in plain sight, for the whole world to see. The mom listens to the relationship the baby wants to have with them, also. Honesty is essential to making your relationship as strong as it can be. And the belly is so close to the stomach. Wink. In tune. Enjoying fully every moment. It’s lifestyle. From the womb, it seems. 

Whether you want a baby or not, you still came from a womb, you yourself were a baby once.

A discussion I, often, have with mom is about the baby deciding on the relationship the baby wants to have with the world and the relationship the baby decides to have with themselves. We’re a continuous work of art. Grateful for everything our parents and everyone around us did for us and to us, regardless of conditions or society, we’re all here doing our best. Transforming into the grown-ups we’ve always dreamt to be. A grown-up is just a synonym for a baby forever transforming. If you’re going to pretend like you don’t care, don’t look up, but fun fact, Miu Miu herself has an office slide that begins next to her desk and ends in the outdoor courtyard of her work place.

Hey Siri, pause

Siri paused.

In fact.

Hey Siri, stop.

There’s nothing to stop here, literally said Siri.

Meeting someone new feels like riding the slide every time. A clean slate for you to begin anew. It’s the very you and the very them in the very moment. A perfect opportunity to introduce strangers straight into your heart (because hey) and climb up mountains with slash for – luckily, you enjoy being physical and a good view – only to, then, learn how to build a separate room for them in it. But you saw yourself in a brighter light. For you. For your light.

Recently, I came across a similar situation, life is funny, life is real and interesting. The title belongs to Midge in a brand new episode of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. This time, your light throws a party inside of you, as you look fear in the eyes, they try to take I don’t know what you call that out of you, your light keeps on getting brighter and brighter, this peace you have inside is having a blast, thank goodness you like to learn and, boom, compassion wraps it up. It’s not about you, it’s about them, but it’s also about you, roar. This time, I know exactly where to go. Me. Naked. Free. 

Then, they say you’re arrogant, very much to your surprise (or not) again, but if focus looks like arrogance to them, then so be it. You know who you wanted to be, who you are. We’re all human here sharing an electric, suave force. It’s invisible and it might be what makes it electric and suave, at the same time, in the first place. Just like the touch of the perfect breeze is. You know? You’re in plain sight, in front of the sun, and the perfect breeze comes in. Ooh.

With others, it’s forever and that’s when you know you found someone really special. Chemistry. Electric. Suave. Force. Or you know, it’s what family is to begin with.

Question marks show up with them, too, from time to time or all of the time, some of them breezy, some of them hardcore, it’s when intuition is flying all over the place, it’s the embracing kind of wind meant to connect the two of you in the very moment. Ideally, you both feel it in the very moment. You’re happy either way and you power through. It’s the people that mean forever to you. You take the responsibility for you. We’re responsible for everything that happens to us. It only makes sense, everything happens for us anyway. 

Few things that feel hardcore come close to a hardcore discussion with your family, bestie, soul. A discussion like I don’t know what you call that is a force on its own. Few things rise above it. And dance. Have faith in the dots.

I was eleven or something and singing this song, totally in the mood, moving my hands accordingly and everything, when my brother told me something. I don’t remember his words exactly, but I remember the look in his soft, teary eyes. He must’ve been hungover post one of his parties I must’ve assisted at, without a doubt. It was one of our things. The girls that liked him a lot used to put me to bed and I, of course, used to get out of it, you know the drill. The baby sister kind of vibe, aw. Aw for me, not so much for him then, but I guess we’ve always considered that honesty is essential to making our relationship as strong as it can be, so. It was Mia going Giiirl, pow-pow-pow-pow, you’ll be a womaaan soon. Anytime, anytime this song pops out, my brain, even if only for a second, goes to that moment in time. It could’ve slid away, but I was there. And so was he. A moment for us to just be. 

When you know something for sure and it clashes, what’s up with that? With I don’t know what you call that. The focus sharpens, you’re done with what anyone is saying if what anyone is saying doesn’t feel right to your gut, you act quickly, you don’t overthink, it’s all clear, all the decisions you took got you here today, innumerable moving dots of bright light, hot, someone plus someone make love, roar, two natural orgasms later, fun inside the womb and, boom, baby, hi!

Hey, this is Cristina Pavelescu wearing a music cassette sweater, decoding (life) style and writing from wherever, yet always living in OZ, a world I invite you into. To smile in front of our screens (and live one day), put any kind of questions, answer in writing (or imagination) and marvel at fashion which is, in fact, style.


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The Beat

April 19, 2023

You know what it feels like when you catch a glimpse of the sea? You start to hear it. You are, now, in front of the sea. Can you imagine it? Delightfully lighted at all times. Doing her thing. It’s what Fontana di Trevi felt like to me.

Feeling the engine of the plane ready to take off, in my stomach, just before sunrise, on my birthday, is one of the best feelings ever. Ever, ever. Lots of feels and feelings here. Good morning! I’ve always had this dream, freely floating, no matter what was going on, of flying, early in the morning, wherever I wanted to, for an entire day, and flying back into home’s bed, late in the night. An extra walk. Museum. A beach day. Lunch. Ice cream. For weeks, months, years wherever forever.

Waking up ahead of the alarm, on your birthday, at 2.14am is another feeling. Travelling with your handbag only is one more. I love my black dotted Mickey suitcase, but the easiness and flow of getting in the mix of clothes you know you’re at your best at in a specific moment in time, grabbing the handbag and fly away – let’s go and see the stars, the Milky Way or even Mars – is, yes, freeing. I knew I said freely for a reason. Subtly was another word that came to mind.

It’s the kind of freedom that feels like pure happiness. You can’t see it, but what you feel is on a completely different level. And it’s there at all times, no matter what, for you to grasp on. Remember of. Indulge in. It’s true. Just like you can’t outrun the sun is. Attractive. It’s all the emotions and stories and ups and downs and relationships and thoughts and ships and movies and dreams and determination and laughter and sparkles and tears and no tears and surprises and decisions and challenges and revelations and, yes, feelings that got you here. Now. Today. 

Landing, very early in the morning, on a land where everyone spoke Italian, made me say ciao to everyone in a specific tone even I had a little giggle inside about. It didn’t leave throughout the day. It’s Rome’s soul that I, kind of always, have been sensing the essence of whenever Rome bumped into my life. It’s in the movies that I saw Rome, but tried to focus on the action rather than Rome. It’s from the people’s stories about Rome that I heard about Rome, but tried to focus on people’s stories. Obviously, obviously, feeling Rome all over the place at all times. Something inside a place inside of me just knew. Freely floating. And knew I wanted to, first, feel Rome myself. Is this what love at first sight means?

An embrace that feels like a song to me. A specific song that I’m writing. I can feel it in my head. Yes, feel. I can play it in my heart. Stardust. Cute, sexy. Sexy in that I just like it so much. Filthy cute. It’s pure love, it’s that pristine idea that makes you instantly happy. It’s in a way that just flows. The greatest love of all. Music gets away with lots of things. Naturally, it’s magical. It wasn’t raining yet, but it was definitely a little misty on my Sunday birthday morning in Rome. And, then, the sun came out. Another round of very fine raindrops followed. Sprinkles of sparkles. And, then, the sun took off.

First, it sprinkled as soon as I got out of the airport, thought well, ciao and thanked the hoodie for being with me, keeping my hair safe. I knew I felt inspired to wear it, on the day, for a reason. While strolling through the streets of Rome and quickly texting the people that I love and love me. Not skipping over the emojis. Entire declarations of love. This year, the 16th of April happened to be on one of the Easter Sundays. A lot going on which is, in fact, flying. Mm, my soul is shining. I was following city mapper’s directions while smiling at my phone and myself in the still pretty empty streets, Spring springing in my steps, under the light rain, when I landed into Piazza di Trevi. There it was. Candid. Glorious. In the streets, amongst the buildings and a couple of gelaterias, something that seems to be deserving of an entire Vatican around it, but this is something that wants to be amongst people. Humbling. You can have a chat with it. You and a couple of other hundreds of people, at the same time. For weeks, months, years wherever forever. You can feel a subtle awe in the air. It’s something that feels pure. No amount of phones here could ever outrun its majesty. This just in! I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. Or phone from my bag. A calm, yet out of this world kind of feeling. And calm again, yet out of this world. Out of this world that actually feels like your soul.

This bag, one of the things I like about it is that it transforms into a whimsical box. Its badass chic handles… When you hold them the whole day long, it feels like you’re holding someone’s hand, I now come to this conclusion that I really, really like. When it’s not the strap you designed for yourself and attached to the bag, to one of your favourite bags, wrapping around the whole of you on. You’re in sync. Do you hear dead ass, dead ass, I’m dead ass, too? Badass, but sweet, you know the beat. I fell for the bag the second I saw it on the internet, a long time ago, and got it on the spot. It’s one of those things. I would add an inside pocket (passport, keys, important s*it, a coin), too, but you know me.

The leggings were there for a big reason. I knew I wanted to hug Rome, so something close to athleisure, definitely, did the trick. Very much. It’s the black velvet meets twenty five kilometres kind of thing. Slick.

As the sun was coming out, by 10am, from beneath the clouds, a desire to be in its light (and warmth) was rising along with it and there was nothing else for me to do but, soothingly, surrender. Romantic, romantic, but that meant walking alight through the narrow streets between buildings, in the labyrinth, to get under it. And, suddenly, I stepped into Piazza Venezzia. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And the sun in plain sight, sigh! Ciao!

These particular chucks with some sort of particular socks resemble Spring to me. Joy. On the inside for sure, but then when the inside meets the outside, style is born. Harmony. Familiar feeling. Diaphanous in all its comfiness. These chucks are light and have red stars. These socks have four sparkled black stripes and are soft, plush.

Colosseum, from afar, entered my sphere. Grand, surprising. When in Rome, one can walk and walk and walk and not forget, not even for a minute, one’s in Rome. Everything is everything and it’s out there, in here, everywhere forever.

Hm, I’d also like to feel cozy all day long and, as much as possible, make sure that I’m warm is what I told my bestie over the phone, while sharing the excitement, the screaming, both of us, and going through the combos I’d made, in a glance, right before getting into my pajamas, on the night before, whooh, about the gray hoodie.

The second round, it sparkled right before the time I was born on the actual day that I was born. It was fantastic. Intense and it happened right at the Vatican. As I was approaching it, I could feel a gentle buzz trembling. You know what it feels like when you start to hear the waves? Warm. Warmer. Disco. You are now in front of the ocean. Can you imagine it? Only this time it’s also 360. Hot. Almighty. Right in the middle of the square. I stood there, held it in. The sky was fabulous, the soft Spring wind was connecting us all. Us all, yes, and us all in the entire square, people waiting in lines and myself not waiting for anything. Just absorbing. Luckily, I’d left my phone to charge at a coffee shop near by with people that made me feel like home and I didn’t even tell them it was my birthday, awm. Remembering how to breathe. Each time. The sun comes up. My parents always wish me Happy Birthday right on that time. Aren’t happy tears something? When I saw it approaching, on the big clocks on the left and right of San Pietro Basilica, I flew to get my phone and came back. Something pulled me back. Back into the middle of the square, right in front of it, in front of San Pietro Basilica and I was in awe again. Renaissance style. I just couldn’t take my eyes or mind off of it. The heart was at the centre of it all.

Purity to me is perfection. Just like authenticity to style is. Or life, really. And then, one day, we start to see the beauty in imperfections. Just like we do in life. In the pure imperfections. Purity to me is perfection which is pure happiness. It is tying up with passion. Mouth watering. Flying. Fly like an eagle let that spirit carry me, I wanna fly, Fly right into the future, do you hear it, too? Into the truth that you firmly stand in, your truth.

Yup, none of the combos above made the cut, but a mix of them, the best of them, in that morning moment, did. With the gray sparkling tank top no one knew about underneath. But U did. Haha. I did is what I’d intended on typing and U happened to be near I on my keys.

Battery must like to fly, too, but if this means walking on a street you like that takes you to a lovely piazza you like and an Italian restaurant the vibe of you like to put it to charge in and it’s also your birthday… You write your own story. Something good, pasta, something good, wine, I know I wrote mine. Instinctively. Mm, that fine buzz. 

I was intentionally walking towards it, stopped on the way, here and there, consciously expanding, got back on track, walked some more and it, still, felt like I bumped into it. Still felt like a surprise, a feast for the eyes. The last place I stopped at, before bumping into it, was a gelateria. I knew I was not leaving Rome without an ice cream, get on top. I take just a taste, as I put my feet back in the street, when guess who shows up right in front of me. I enjoy my gelato sinking in the atmosphere, taking a picture. I loved having ice cream in my hair for a minute. I love having ice cream in my hair for a minute. Up here feels good, but as I’m tossing up my hair in a bun, an impulse takes over, I’m getting through the smiling, rumbling crowd and I’m down, into the perfect spot, all in a matter of seconds – this feels like a moment in time to treasure forever – on the lap of Fontana di Trevi. In this light. In an instant, everything is perfect. Sublime. Just as every instant is. Picture, wishes coming true and a coin from Bali (funny intersection) that happened to be in my bag, to mark the moment. It’s interesting how this coin, one day, slipped into this particular bag. Almost unnoticeably, but Ciao! 500 something stamped on it. I liked it. Why hold on to a memory I will treasure forever, anyway, instead of creating a completely new one? Let the past nourish your future. You’re being taken to places you couldn’t have imagined or planned for, anyway. When I was up there, I thought Nah, I know what I want and this is so cheesy, but making a wish on my birthday and, traditionally, throwing the coin in Fontana di Trevi, in this light, was so fun. Plus, I can’t imagine myself saying no to a bite of delicious parmigiana ever. Oh, and after this, in all this, a boy, all of a sudden, proposed to a girl, she said yes, so the cheers and the round of applause got everyone’s attention and, for a second, it felt like we were all clinking champagne.

Falling asleep on the flight back is something pretty new to me, as is sleeping in until noon which didn’t happen to me even on the first day of the year. When I woke up, for a fraction of a second, and looked out the window, I was amazed by the thought of me sleeping, yes, but I was even more so amazed by the sight of the stars, so graceful, so close, in our bed, the sky. I thought Ooh, I hope I wake up one more time, out of the blue, and see you all, so close and clear, one more time before we land and so I did. Yes! Fell back asleep right away. Miraculously.

Way more than twenty four hours of almost no sleep and loads of living. With music intimately enjoyed between your ears only. Not all the time because battery is battery, you need to charge it and when you do, those moments might become the moments you’ll treasure just as much and didn’t even know you needed. But, oh, the moments you put the headphones on and your head is in Italy, oh-oh.

I might not be the biggest planner, I love a vision, but when I plan two days in advance, through an entire orchestra of moments that lead to a day charged with an entire orchestra of moments, a really good plan comes true. Peacefully. Exciting. It’s the beat. The red trench? Is in just as much awe of this moment in time as I am. Thank you to everyone who participated in the sparkling way we all adore. It’s love! Overflow of love. Real love. Fearless love. Soothing love. Love! Love love love love love. Here we go.

Life evolves in unforeseen ways, so to stay open to and embrace change is, basically, life giving you a huge hug. You took the decision to grow. You know your path is about becoming your true self. Clarity keeps on coming in waves. You can’t predict what’s going to happen in your life, why trying to control the current? It might just release the eccentric in you. It’s okay to be different. Think different. We, certainly, know what the waves are doing. Their thing. As everything happens for us, change comes in genuinely. It’s up to us. You can choose to be a butterfly today and a dragon tomorrow or vice-versa. It’s only one of you in this world and, you know me, the other one who sees you. Magnetic. 

Intimate, intimate, but isn’t sharing something wonderful with someone you love the s*it? It is to me.

Hey, this is Cristina Pavelescu wearing a music cassette sweater, decoding (life) style and writing from wherever, yet always living in OZ, a world I invite you into. To smile in front of our screens (and live one day), put any kind of questions, answer in writing (or imagination) and marvel at fashion which is, in fact, style.


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Delicious Energy

March 25, 2023

What’s in a feather? The image on the desktop peeking at me from behind this window makes me want to peek back at it.

A funny message thread on ig with Alex, via some jokes she sends me on how people text nowadays, or don’t, and actually are with each other in relationships, at their beginning, gets us rolling. Laughing, by the end. And simultaneously at their ending, I’m suggesting. It’s inside joking, but it’s also cosmic truth. Those are jokes, but bad jokes, not texts, my friend. And I don’t mean Alex, Alex is love. Aw, here I go. So, yes, hello, versus me, completely in my zone, no connection whatsoever to that kind of stuff all together, a choice I proudly made, it’s who I am. It’s out of this world communication that gives me energy, it’s something else that I prefer simultaneously and always tchin-tchin with Alex for. And, hey:

I’ve learned my lessons, alright, and who now knows exactly what who now wants in life? Precisely.

Why do I find this so funny? Is it because it’s true? I’m babe, btw.

So, this is what I send her back, we laugh with our ahahahas and start a convo on ig, 2. Simple, direct, easy. Different media, different topic. Not bad, as my brother says. Since we’re here, my brother’s daughters, in fact, were the ones to initiate this. Our latest imessage thread, in our group of 3, hilarious, ended with bruh. After You’re SO cheesy. After a pink heart sent with echo. First, it was Natash, I kinda became accustomed to her bruh, it’s been going on for a couple of months now. Me having a party with the stars and hearts and rockets and fireworks and all the good stuff, her grinning, I bet, on the inside, but hey, so eew on the outside. Funny though, funny, I must admit.

Babe thingy is best

It’s what connected us first

Aw did what just rhyme? 

Or it’s this rhythm thingy that’s rhyming and we’re just driving? Aw.


If an Aries loves you, they will bully you into loving yourself. If pouring delicious energy into someone can be called bulling, then, all of you bullies out there and in disguise, you’ve been doing it all wrong, newsflash. Natash is Aries, 2, she seems tough and all, but we both know she’s also soft, I completely get that and she’s always known that, so she can’t hide, maybe she enjoys not having to, it’s a process and it’s beautiful, anywaze, waze, roadtrippin’, playlist. I got you, babe.

Aries: When I talk, I’m rude. When I don’t talk, I gotta attitude. Leave me tf alone. It’s comic, come on, it’s close to cosmic. Or Aries: Literally nobody helps me with anything. Also Aries: Oh my god, you’re doing it all wrong, just give it to me. Funnyyy. But then, she started to be surrounded by grownups that, that what? Well, forgot. Her sister, Inga, and me, we’re here to remind her, at all times, that it’s about the sparkle. At all times. But then I did and did, again, the babe thing. Did and did, again, might sound like a lot, I only emphasised it once. Ok, so maybe there were only two minutes between the imessages, but babe! I have a blast by myself, on the inside and uh-oh, Inga’s bruh comes in, for the first time. My eyes are rolling, but I’m still laughing on the inside. And outside, at times. Great! You don’t know what the last time we hugged goodbye was like, but you can imagine it when it’s in the movies that you see it. Dreamlike. But that’s just our love, so babe, bruh. It’s alright, it’s cosmic energy, someone has to be responsible in here.

Because when you meet me, you think I’m quiet, when you talk to me, you wish I was quiet, when you know me, you’ll be scared when I’m quiet. Funny, funny. 

Others: if it’s love, they will come back. Aries: if it’s love, they will never leave. Ooh.

You know how a picture pops up in your explore, on ig, and you want to look at it, so you do, you take a screenshoot, save it and oops, without you even knowing or maaaaybe knowing, the door to a whole new thing opens up and you’re exploring alright. My friend, love. It was something that made me smile, so I, obviously, took it seriously. 

Aries: Can you multitask? Yes, actually, I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time. I mean… 

And this is how I ended up, not ended, I’m in it as we speak, smiling even when only thinking about it. It’s this inner feeling you have and you feel so good, it’s cosmically shared. It’s the s*it. And here I am, wide smiling, as we speak.

Just like when I’m actually texting Alex and Alex is actually texting me. It feels good to smile at your phone. Hello! Face to face is the s*it, though, yes, yes. What’s with all this s*it? Let’s imagine it’s flowers. A beach. A glass of margarita. Air. Expansion. Hair in the air. Hands. Stare. A bubbly conversation. A whole day of watching great movies in bed, eating delicious thingies in pajamas. Or in your bathrobes, in the kitchen, wherever. It’s fascinating how true laugh has so much power to bring in peace. Just as anything that is true has.

Of course it’s better if you’re with someone you like.

These signs are actively reading the room at all times. They’ll pick up on moods, emotions and energies. Nothing gets past them. Confirmed.

Being out of the dating scene, as perceived by the mass consciousness, and living your own truth keeps you out of that loop, 2, thank goodness. Take my brother and the love of his life, for instance. They are even more stunned at it than I am. We have this unwritten no bulls*it policy. It’s important to have someone who lives their truth in your life, the more, the merrier, and to know the someone. To tell whether it’s cosmic truth. And connect it to your truth. I believe seeking your truth, regardless of the world you live in, will always make you feel good. Calm. You can’t always expect the truth from others, but you can expect it from yourself. This is the kind of discussion I might have with my brother (or Alex) on a cas Friday night, over facetime. We’ve known each other since I was born, basically, and we’re here for life, so. Cosmic truth. Or who knows, maybe I knew him first. I was somewhere in the cosmos looking at my future brother doing his thing, wahaha. And then we turn off the light, at home. 

Home. We can all agree on what true home feels like. See? Cosmic truth. Or style. True style. Hm, that’s a bit deeper, what, it’s that extra something. There’s a style to dating, 2. Not dating. That extra something. Although, dating sounds special when it’s got that extra something. You gotta know your style. Or burn down your very best yesterday every day, so you can start again, as Kristen in the Chanel ad would say. Or as Kristen at the Berlinale 2023 would.

I like the style in Chaka Khan’s I’m Every Woman. For instance. Whitney’s cover and video, obviously, 2. Music brings you back home for life. Definitely cosmic truth. Music is magic. And it, continuously, changes. No, it’s a continuous rolling in the deep. And, welcome, you’re in another bubble. Different from the music I have this special bond with. For life. That brings me home. Just like the special bond I have with the red roe on a good baguette toast and butter. It brings me home. We’ve known each other since I was born. Or?! It’s the music that goes with you every time you’re rolling in the deep. It’s who you are. And then Chaka Khaaan. Or some insanely mouthwatering new fruit that flashes the cas.

It’s a choice until you get to a point where it’s something for sure, where it’s not even a choice anymore. It’s Chaka Khaaan, you’re rolling in the deep. Again. And again. You’re in for the good stuff you bet you can’t get enough of. And you dance, this is it. Gracefully surrendering. Style has this allure, 2. You have to give in from time to time. Or. Or. Every day. You know what feels like the s*it. Hello again. Absolute pleasure. That’s the thing. That extra something! 

And then there are songs… Ooh, can’t wait to listen to the one I’ve been looking for. Not all the time, but it crossed my mind a couple of times, I looked for it, stumbled upon something else, forgot about it and here we are. Now, I have to find it. Probably play on repeat and come back, but let’s see. Oh man. It’s Madonna’s and I remember listening to this song on repeat, long time ago, and I might just delete this all once I find it. I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Or am I? The funny teeth chattering emoji on my mind. They should make one. Come on, people! It’s something with give in… I keep on bumping into Give It 2 Me, which I also developed an obsession with as soon as it was released. I know I bumped into it last time I looked for the song I’m talking here about. Maybe I should give in to give it 2 me. Welcome 2 my world! 

Chaka Khan’s Like Sugar was playing before typing Madonna. Ooh, it’s so good. It’s like sugar. So sweet. Good enough to eat. I, of course, am texting it to Alex, to my brother. 

Got to Rain. This is gonna take a while. Man. Perfect timing for headphones on. Your love’s coming down like… Something that sounds like very cool driving, or some kind of take off, in the rain and drums and everything elevatiiing… Here comes the suuun. And this is how we’re rolling in the deep together.

The word surrender has been coming up pretty often, lately. It’s when the cosmos intervenes, I guess.

Like A Prayer has been popping up pretty often lately, 2. Thought I could skip it, but nope. It feels intimate through the headphones straight into your head. It’s straight into your heart when it’s coming from the speakers, at home. By now, your arms are up and everything. You close your eyes. Smile. Sing. Just like a prayer, no choice, your voice can take me there. A sudden peace settles in. Still looking for the give in. Oh man. Of course, I’m listening to it until the end.

My Goood, Cheriiiiish!!!!!


Got to I Want You, so I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time. An album I used to fall asleep to when I was eleven. This week’s topic with love has just come full circle. This is me in our convos. Followed by our high-five emojis. Is what I wrote while I Want You was playing, but I’ll Remember has just started. I’m on the floor. Every bone in my body is thanking me. An album I used to fall asleep to when I was eleven and through various bubbles, circles in my life. Delightful. Devoted. Charming, ha!

Take A Bow. It’s the chills that get through my spine, brain, heart, as soon as I hear it beginning. I skip it, though, I’m on a mission here.

Ooh, You’ll See is here. That beginning, 2. Skipping it, however. Mission.

Pff Crazy For You.

I remember kind of fast forwarding to Rain, then, 2, but we’ve been here before. So, it’s not on this album, either. 

Justify My Love has just started and it’s one of my all time favourite songs, so. So now what? I know this will all make sparkling sense. Buckle up. The vibe of the song that I’m looking for is similar, I can feel it.

Hmm, Beautiful Stranger

It’s like a snowball, but it’s not cold. It’s warm, it’s a sunball that’s been rolling and rolling and rolling so deep that it came to me! It’s Michael’s Give In To Me. Only queens and kings in here, that’s right. I’ve just typed it, am filling up my lungs and pressing play. Yup, it’s the emotion and the chorus. Give in to the feeling. That’s it. Pfew. 

Back to Like Sugar. Oh yeah! Chaka Khaaaan. When you know exactly what you want in life, you’re able to take quick and necessary changes to produce the results you’re after. Speed of sound, speed of light, cosmic, cosmic. The amount of discipline that it takes is invaluable, rich, it takes you to the undeniable truth that makes you feel sexy, unique and and no one can take that away from you.

Aries: My standards are high, because I can provide what I require. Read that again. Or you know, put that on your plate, as Midge and Susie put it best. Or Once I care, I don’t leave. Once I leave, I don’t care. We may have big hearts, but once you f us over, we’re gone. These are not just facts about Aries, are they? It’s basic human what? Human nature. Hm. Love.

What’s in a feeling? Something that sounds like very cool driving, or some kind of take off, in the rain and drums and everything elevatiiing, cosmic energy. You observe it flowing through your veins, it’s easy, there’s nothing else you can do about it anyway when it doesn’t let you sleep. It’s when you wake up, listen to the birds singing, in the trees you see from every window, on 5:55 am, you smile uncontrollably, you don’t really think about the not really sleeping and you let the feather slide on paper. It’s not as easy to notice something you can’t observe, it’s the Faith George Michael is singing about. It’s light and you like to keep it light, you like it deep, 2, you like it when it feels like the s*it. Flowers, Cristina, flowers. I love light, but man, the stars shine so bright tonight. Shh.

I don’t flirt, I just talk. It’s not my fault everything I say is smoother than the cream cheese spread on your bagel. 

Hey, this is Cristina Pavelescu wearing a music cassette sweater, decoding (life) style and writing from wherever, yet always living in OZ, a world I invite you into. To smile in front of our screens (and live one day), put any kind of questions, answer in writing (or imagination) and marvel at fashion which is, in fact, style.


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Life’s Too Short To Kiss On The Cheek

March 06, 2023

Is probably one of the hottest hugs words had, lately. 

Versus Volume Should Be Turned Down. Based on your headphone usage over the last seven days, you’ve exceeded the recommended limit for audio exposure. On your phone, just as you entered the elevator.

I know, right? A funny teeth chattering emoji on my mind. Even funnier is the fact that it’s just now that I’m asking myself and, right now, that I’m discovering the repeat button on apple music. Uh-oh. It actually works, success!

There must be a tiny button inside our ears, very deep inside our ears, a button that connects the ears to the brain, and swoosh, electricity turns you on and, bam, bam, bam, a spark lights up in your heart, success! In a split of a second or In A Heartbeat, as Koop’s song, coming from the speaker in the bedroom, says. On repeat. Oh well.

This is also how words, at times, come out of my mouth. Thinking out loud. Aaa, loud again. Ignoring completely the notions of time and space, the words come, bam, bam, bam, straight onto my tongue, lips, mouth and here we are. Speed of sound. Imagine what the speed of sound feels like. 343 metres per second. Similar to the thrill that invades our lives when music plays in our ears. In a kiss. In a hug. In a heartbeat.

If it’s not the mouth, it’s the fingers, hey, hey, typing. Might this be the intention behind the thrill that the words turn on when the words stick on a sheet of paper or computer?

It’s energy flying and the speed sweeps you in, no hesitation. Moving through the world guided by your purpose and instinct. Sound energy is produced when a force causes something to vibrate. The energy is then transferred through the something in waves, called sound waves. Waves… It’s purity that’s perfection and sends you in. To space. Passion. It’s the dragon. As opposed to completely float. Chill. For hours in the bathtub, with La Tortu. Waste time on what you believe in. Like the butterfly does. Sweet. Sleep. I say sleep, I mean sleep, but I, also, mean relaxation. The tea thingy today said Mental happiness is total relaxation. In your stomach. It’s the house of the butterfly always giggling at the dragon and vice-versa, life’s too short to kiss on the cheek. 

Leaving my macbook in its black, subtle Manhattan cityscape case, on the plane, upon landing, and finding it just before taking off is them hugging. If this ever gets into the eyes of the couple of people, working at the Manchester airport, that helped me find my macbook, thank you! I told you I felt it was there and, now, you see why. Hello! Leaving stuff behind, rarely, has ever happened to me, if at all. I’ve had it for years, thought hm, was grateful for icloud, the music I’d listened to whilst flying above the clouds and the clouds my head has been in. Startlingly. It’s the speed of integration that’s been turning on the light inside of me.

Is everything on the inside? Skin is very much on the outside.

It was a surprise for mom’s birthday, so I – wanted it to be perfect – packed the suitcase for my mom, dad and me. A cool, black, with subtle embossed Mickey and subtle embossed 😉 dots carry on for us three, see? I like it light. Carry on, carry on. I’d made the list, whilst in the bathtub, one day, and when I went for my parents’ to have lunch, I integrated it, with mom making her famous cake for her birthday, in the house. High speed gathering of the stuff on the list mixed with laid back talking to mom. Smoothly. Just like in the movies. She didn’t suspect anything, or did she, until she checked upon their passports, before going to sleep, and saw missing. She was onto something, she knew who she’s dealing with, but didn’t really have time to think about it. By morning, we were all heading to the airport, success! It can be done is what I’m saying with Natash checking in to see whether the secret was still a secret and everything, aw. Mom never liked packing, I always loved the idea of it, in the first place. It’s the focus that helps me flourish and it’s the clouds that I walk on. See the sun from, aw. Success.

It was, however, at the speed of light, 299,792,458 metres per second, that I looked back and felt a fine, a very, very fine heartbeat.

I say focus, I mean focus, but I, also, mean intuition. I say focus relaxes me and it does, but it’s the flight to it that’s full of joy, too. And vice-versa. If you want to fly in the sky, you need to leave the earth. There are somethings you learn and let go and there are somethings you integrate and enjoy. We’re flying, success! 

When I first heard Diana Vreeland saying divine, in The Eye Has To Travel, something inside of me clicked. I liked the sound of it. It has, ever since – slowly but surely alternated with fast and fiery, that’s the thing, it’s divine timing – been invading my life at a pace that is not only electrifying, but mine. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. Even I am excited to see what comes out, dying to see it, hear it, smell it, touch it, taste it. I can feel it.

She also said You gotta have style. It helps you get down the stairs. It helps you get up in the morning. It’s a way of life. Without it, you’re nobody. I’m not talking about lots of clothes.

I would’ve been hard on myself, back in the days, but now… I know! It’s honeyed surrender. A spark we thcin-tchined for throughout the days, with mom and Gema. And true love. Girl power, too, since the men in the house got outnumbered, hihi. It was only on the second day that I got to even think about my macbook. It was, also, mom’s birthday. Did everything I could. The next day, too. Chose to trust my heart, from the start, above all. Two more e-mails from me, two more e-mails from them saying nothing, some conversations with robots, aw, and how many days later, it’s the day of departure, oh no. 

It’s both the dragon and the butterfly, patiently waiting, in the stomach, for me to do the thingies. I, basically, fly through terminals to get to the lost and found. A serene gentleman says no macbook has been found. The dragon and the butterfly are now banging their knees with their fingers whilst sitting, still patiently waiting. We know the macbook is here. We are serene, too, but we’re also lit up. Behind me, a lady member of the staff, all of a sudden, just like an angel (told you, lady), asks me whether she could help me. I knew it! She, first, thinks of us going somewhere, then figures it’s faster if she calls, serene. As she pulls out her phone, the lady she was about to call comes right in, serene, too, we have a laugh. As soon as I describe the macbook, the black case, the other things inside of it, oh man, an image strikes her. I don’t know why or how, but a black case with a macbook inside of it really did land on the desk in our office. So, it’s not even in the lost and found. It wasn’t lost, to begin with, aw. It did not belong there, aw. She calls someone in the office. We have a laugh, again, about the things inside. It’s been revealed, success! I fly to the terminal where the macbook is. Dragon, butterfly, high-five! Teamwork makes the dream work, aw. Having the whole family cheerleading for you, live and on the phone, feels like a victory.

Too loud, too much, it depends on how you look at things and, then, bam, bam, bam, a wonderful memory forever settles in. Or Inga, Inga coming into the single sofa bed – my brother is setting up for me, every night, groovy, next to Natasha and Inga’s sofa bed my brother is setting up for Natasha and Inga, groovyx2, so that the three of us could sleep in the same room, wait, wait – to sleep with me after intending on starting to cry over an out of nowhere 3am argument – over space – with Natasha. It’s, precisely, what it felt like. I had to protect the silence. Sweet dreams, said we… Well, there you go, didn’t want Natasha to touch you – you know how sisters and brothers are, fun is what I mean – and look at us now, hugging like there’s no tomorrow, thought I. It felt so good. We hive-fived every time it came up, from the moment we saw each other at the breakfast table, in the morning.

The next night ended up with everyone, one by one, falling asleep during The Willoughbys, after one more memorable day and ice cream, but not the girls and me. We stayed up. We stretched ourselves on yet another sofa bed to the max, you know how you do around 10pm and you, still, have one more hour to go. Holding hands, hugging, touching, not touching, mnope, always touching, whatever feels like the s*it in the moment. It’s a journey like no other, the syncing in. Luckily, you all are already in your pajamas, success! I love how all pajamas in the house have chocolate little stains on them. And bathrobes, added my brother. Obviously, everyone is, always, given a tissue and everything, but it’s the chocolate that wants to be here. Ok, girls, you said ten more minutes to everyone, they’re gone. Five more minutes and we’re going, says Inga. And you go upstairs, silently brush your teeth, silently get in your bed and sleep, sweet. Ok, Natasha. Myes, Inga. We’re under the blanket, our feet peeking out and everything. Well, theirs, because I like to be warm. Perfect temperature. Fresh air. Candles burning. Five minutes pass and so on, so I say Ok, let’s go, because otherwise we can stay like this and I don’t finish the sentence because, in a split of a second, in a heartbeat, Inga says, whilst stretching with sound and everything, foreveeer! We all laugh. Silently. 

Leo‘s sleeping and no one wants to mess with that. Not even the girls. Not even on a Sunday movie night (which is every night) that is not followed by a school day, so imagine that. We all slept like babies, apart from the real baby in the house and his parents, so that’s fun. Nee-naw-nee-naw-nee-naw, an emergency is almost always going on with Leo when he’s up, he wants to explore stuff. Fully in charge of his feelings and impulses. In a split of a second. In a heartbeat. I feel him. We all do, maybe it’s why it comes so naturally to him, too, so who’s laughing now? We all are, we all like to laugh, too, huh!

Heart. Running out of candles in the house makes you inventive, on the spot, when you really want to take a bath, to feel goodness wrapped all around you. A scent is mandatory, however, yum. The disco ball in the living room came with its spotlight, of course. The spotlight came with its filters. Red, blue, yellow and green. Never used them, but, hey, it seems like it’s time. In the bathroom. Just the spotlight and me and, now, La Tortu. I say La Tortu, but what I mean is La Tooortuuu. Pink time. This red, when caused by the spotlight to vibrate, you know what a real spotlight looks like, transfers into a chic, the warmest?, loving?, sexiest?, but in a cool way? pink. Harmony, success. 

Pink is the girls’ flower clip I took, last time, from my brother’s. I loved it and loved, even more, the idea of having it with me, all the time, it’s definitely my style, success. I know, I know, my fingers, though, ooh. Everyone happy. The idea was to bring it back, which I did, but I also took it home. Again. Ready? Success. This time around, Gema suggests for me to take the pink turtle that has a bath, every evening, before going to sleep, with Leo. She’s pink and her name is La Tortu, short for la tortuga, the turtle in Spanish. The four of us, we had a blast. La Tortu is on batteries, sooo!… We already envisioned the comeback of La Tooortuuu, but until then, I can’t believe La Tooortuuu is in my bathroom. La Tortu knows that home really is where your heart is, aw. Everyone happy.

Siri can’t and doesn’t want to, I bet, put any limit to music and no limits has my brain for pleasingly obsessing over a song or skin. Imagining Inga’s face reading skin and probably reading the whole phrase, all over again, to see whether she missed anything – You did not, baby girl, love you! LOVVvVvEeEeeE YoUUuuUuUuuU MoOoRRrEeeEe TTtHhHAaaNNN UUuU DoOooO! HaHa – makes me smile. Why skin, Cristina? It’s all over our bodies. So? That’s electrifying. Eew. The girls are in their eew-to-anything-romantic era (not that I had one). Oh, the fun!

Leo’s eyes get really enthusiastic at the sound of Alexa, volume up only. Just after bath time. The intimate joy that comes with Hey Siri, at home, and you dance, out of nowhere, on a 8am or pm, keeps on growing on you throughout life and an open ended trip in perfect company is timeless, unique, just like we know what is, life’s too short to kiss on the cheek. In short, man, I missed the sun, success!

Mwa! On your lips, of course. Lips. Mouth. Tongue. Heart. Ooh

Hey, this is Cristina Pavelescu wearing a music cassette sweater, decoding (life) style and writing from wherever, yet always living in OZ, a world I invite you into. To smile in front of our screens (and live one day), put any kind of questions, answer in writing (or imagination) and marvel at fashion which is, in fact, style.


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Now, This Is The Thing

February 23, 2023

It’s this coat that I really liked and loved wearing and now the friend I have it from wants it back. Obviously, there’s no hard feelings, why would there ever be any? Plus, its story lit up the faces of so many people. There’s this itch, however, in my stomach to get up really early tomorrow morning and look for the fabric that would be right, right for my, you know, mojo and make a coat I not only really like and love wearing but… Adore. You know what I mean. That always puts you in a state. No pressure. You bet there’s no pressure. It’s a flow, it’s natural, it’s what you actually adore, that’s the thingy thing. It’s easy challenging sparkling true drums to its own beat but also home but also dance chill in harmony you know walk loving wholeness enthusiasm, I completely ignored any commas because hey, this is what it feels like inside of a coat you adore. You randomly, wink, put it on top of today’s favourite homewear. At home. In the car.

If I come to think about it, throughout the preceding days, a certain kind of feeling had been, so smoothly this time around, swiftly, sprinkling a certain kind of energy around. Even if, at times, guh-dung, your heart seemed to be pulled out of your stomach (yes stomach, it’s where the butterfly lives), something outside of it (a rhyme would’ve been nice, but) has been carrying you around, carrying for you (just feels soothing). Fluent. Hugging. Fresh. Hm, perfume. The Brits and the Super Bowl Halftime Show were the head start into the week. So. 

The Monday lunch got us talking on the phone even after we’d got home. Oh, so, basically you’re just done with the bullshit, good, I say. Yeah, man, I’m done. And I think it comes with age, Alice says. I almost agree, it’s also what my brother says pretty often. This time around, though, words seem to die to fall out of my mouth: You know what, I always knew I didn’t feel good around bullshit, it’s just now I have zero tolerance to it. Myeah, that feels true, I know my Alice. I know people who are not even ten and have zero tolerance to bullshit. The first on the list is Inga, my brother’s youngest daughter. Hi, sweet, sweet baby girl! 

My fingers go should we say more, like maybe something about yes, but bullshit is part of… Nope, can’t. Don’t want to. Why even try? This is, definitely, not about the coat. I believe the coat has its own journey. I will love the coat even if it’s the last time I see it. It sounds tragic, but I’m smiling as I’m writing, so, the coat and I, we’re on the same page. We’re cool. Plus, there’s this adore thingy thing sexy sparkling. Free.

Somehow, I even bumped into Heady vs. Heavy, these days. Active vs. Reactive. Vs. Happy, haha. What you think about you bring about sounds like equilibrium.

The friend with the text, our history goes way back, intercalated with all sorts of stuff. When her sister wanted to become a stylist, she asked me how to go about it. Told her my truth. If there’s someone you really like, the way they work, their work, then talk to them and see what happens. If not, you do you, you be the stylist that you, to the core, feel that you are, create your own path. And this is what she did and if she’d be asked if she’d achieved her then goal, I am pretty sure she would answer yes. I don’t know if she remembers the talk or not, it’s not even important, we were never on talking basis or anything like that, I know that whenever it crosses my mind, I am happy with what I said and have a haha on my mind. It all makes sense. Of what it used to be. In my heart. Totally out there. Many things make sense in a fraction of a second. I marvel at my openness, looking at it from outside. Celebrate it. I’m flying, my feet are not on the ground or is it the other way around? It’s all about the intention all the time. It’s not just about clothes, it never has been. It’s just that I felt something going on between the coat and me. And I guess this thing sticks out and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Can it become hard for other’s eyes to handle? Or, or is this coat meant to just land in someone else’s closet and make someone else see something so finely, too? Clothes are not ever just clothes, see?

On a random walk with someone dear to have something on the go or even stop on a sidewalk to taste something you’ve never tasted before. They might have, you haven’t, the stream takes you places literally. It happened over Israel, for instance. Andreea went to Tel Aviv several times and she was delighted when we ran into this place on a Thursday afternoon. We didn’t stay long, the people cooking and the people just outside were actually from there, so that only made it even more not only authentic and nice, but also very pleasant. In a genuine way. People that really want you to have the best bite of their not only traditional, but favourite food, too, and they make it here, so they want it to be extra good for you. Our conversation on the mix of ingredients definitely added the extra vavavoom to it. Gracefully taking turns on a road that seems to climb up somewhere, I know.

And you happen to be in this coat. 

Then, at some point, a while ago, a party came kind of out of nowhere. Although… Yes, uhm, and you figured out in five what you’re wearing. And it’s today’s favourite pair of trousers, they have a pink and blue and black and white zebra print after all, they are so warm in winter and cool, cool for you, that’s the whole point, and they kind of fall so effortlessly on your body and you know you feel like dancing in them anytime, but also watching out the windows of the airplane after the Christmas week with the family. See? We got way up high now. Precisely. 

Grocery shopping where you always feel like uhmm, uhmm, hmm, yes, today’s favourite homewear at home, perfect hair, pf, kidding, kidding, pf not, kiddiiing, and yes the coat on top because you like it hot. As in give me your best shot. Fast. And good. Of course. As in, you have your list. Crisp. Sharp. Music in your ears if you’re alone, the sharpest discussion when you’re with a family member and you’d better be home quickly. So even that is fun. But also fast. 

But then a romantic weekend with your Alex comes. You’d been spending quite some hours together over the phone, me from the comfort of my own bathtub and her wherever she was, we’re on a tiny bit of different time zones. And it snows and all that. A coat you really like feels so right. For a Saturday night delicious pizza. And wine. And a hat. Their hats, also. Yum. 

But then, you know, there’s this one on your mind that you adore. 

Or on a walk around with someone you, all of a sudden, find yourself developing great ideas for a city to flourish, what, I know. And I believe the best a human being can do for the city they live in, the city they were born in, all the countries they live in or visit or work in or whatever in, is to be the best human being that they are. Guess what, anyone could do that. In any form they feel their most authentic in. Easy.

I know I was kinda bummed out about it for a second, when the friend texted me, ok, the thought of it crossed my mind several times during the following weekend, but thought hm, let’s see. It was about the thrill and the time inside of it, nostalgic. Static. I’ve never find it to be my vibe. Ever. At all, but. This might sound like I’m metaphorical or something, but I’m not. A relationship totally represents the thrill and the time inside of it, loyalty, that’s the whole drill, who has time for whatever had come before it? It comes close to the no commas part above. But, but, but. Wait. Let’s not necessarily define it. Although! You know what I mean. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.

And I could add some insane (or some very, very plain but also heady but also chill but also dancey here I go again) lining. Ooh, I’d like that. Don’t want to define that either, but I can almost feel the thrill. My eyes do feel it. Ooh. Of accurately looking throughout some factory. Similar to the grocery shopping from before. Without a list though, and that’s… Exciting. But also I know I’ll love to let it flow. See. And let’s say – because it happens sometimes with fabrics, little details – there has to be some kind of synchronicity. It doesn’t have to, but you’re definitely satisfied with the way life unfolds. Who knows the coat I might dream of tonight. Or the drive that would literally get me out of bed. Fly out of bed.

I thought about it in the tinniest moments, why, God, why? Kidding. Interesting how it all came about these days. Have you noticed how, sometimes, stuff happens, kindred situations, people, too? A day could pass and you see no one and then a day comes and you see and talk to (or just, diplomatically, choose not to) five people that… Something! It’s when you decide to make the best out of it. You’re already on your rocket, so it’s a fact. As in you know what feels right. Funny enough, the coat, totally collaterally, felt so, too.

So, I left for the mountains for yet another cozy extended weekend. I could just delete the days, the days are here for us to notice the waves they bring in, just like the seasons do.

Is this what letting go of the past completely feels like? This sounds like a metaphor I didn’t even know I needed and whatever happens next on the journey of the coat is whatever happens next on the journey of the coat. It’s a game you enjoy playing. The one you’ve, always, naturally enjoyed. Is it just life saying, more obviously, come on, come on? Very funny, life, very funny. I know I made that decision a long time ago. Oh, ok, so that fine is the line. And crystal clear. I see. I’m with you. With me. Yes, definitely. It’s those boundaries. Much better! Perfect! Thank you! Yes. Invincible is just as cool as vulnerable is. Or, let’s say, honest is.

The coat has its own way, pfew, it’s good to be back. Hello!

You went to what feels like the natural extreme to you, but at times, you might have ended up hurting yourself in some very subtle way. Again and again. You know you’re right about it, in your heart, but it’s not until you bump into the one you can, actually, bounce off ideas with at any time of day and night, then you’re both right, it’s our ultimate right, that… Ultimate luxury comes to mind. You grow, you enjoy the ride.

Because, sometimes, you tend to overstretch yourself. I know I did. I stretched the s*it out of yoga’s wild thing to see the sun coming out of the mountains, on Monday morning, and now my neck is so happy to be in the perfect temperature water of the bathtub. Funny sun, funny mountains, funny start of the week. Again.

A discussion with mom on the same morning, over breakfast, got mom saying It’s like you know it’s not really right what you’re doing, you can sense it in your gut, but you do it, in that fraction of a second

It’s for you to learn, I say. It’s up to you. You learn so you get ahead of it whenever that fraction of a second shows up. You’d better learn. Next time, there might be no next time. There’s always a next time, it’s up to what you want to bring about, though. Ooh.

Loona came by later on, I made her a tour of the entire house, very ladylike of us. Even mom couldn’t hide her enthusiasm. Dad made her bed again, in the wood housey house in the back. Who knows when she might have babies again. Of course I googled the neck overstretch, the shoulders overstretch thingy thing. Not the medical thing. The thingy thing. All good. Google, so close to giggle.

This thingy thing I love bringing in… I got it from Gema, Leo’s mom, we love each other and we have this thingy thing conversations whenever they happen to happen. Every time I bring it in, I know exactly what we both mean. I might have gotten it to a little bit of an extreme, love supreme, but we’re family, it’s fabulous. She sent me Until I Found You, on the same Monday, I sent her back (and my brother) The Horses, on Tuesday. Hi, Gem, shy emoji. When I sensed her overthinking, I know exactly what that feels like, I knew I knew her, we made a deal: let’s just put it out there, Gem, whatever comes from you I know it always comes with the best intention and that’s all that matters, regardless of the words or gestures, that whatever comes from me you know it always comes with the best intention and that’s all that matters, regardless of the words or gestures. Basically, no bullshit. She likes when I say You bet!.

The story is so romantic, obviously. I’ve been telling everyone who complemented me on the coat about it. Newsflash, the coat is wonderful, there’s no doubt about it, was a complete surprise for me, too, but it was more about that thingy thing going on between us. That I’m sure, sure, sure is that one of a kind thing that can’t be bought. No matter who buys it. 

It feels so good it makes you take the decision to say f to anything that doesn’t come any close to what it feels like and, boom, the universe starts to rearrange itself for you, remember? Oh yes! The truth! And there’s truth in relationships, it’s what, I believe, the foundation of every relationship is. It takes two, though, until two become one. If we were all to become one, would half of the planet disappear? Never mind that, imagine the sparkles all over the place. Is this the reason why soulmates are so rare? It takes one to know one, hallelujah. 

The mug I’m sipping the coffee from says make love not walls, yet sometimes it’s your soul that is the love and you, definitely, want walls when you mate with your soul. It’s been under my nose since I was born. I might have applied that too literally even when I didn’t really identified with stuff. It’s the Kingdom of Dreams that we watched over Friday and Saturday. But wanted everyone around me happy, no matter what. That’s the tricky part. Deceptions or betrayals that came out of absolutely nowhere. The victim thing has never been my thing, but it’s precisely this thing that can become a thing for people around you. I know I’ve always been inspired by freedom, go figure! And intuition tells you, but I used to kind of choose to believe nah, can’t be that… But then my eyes saw it, my ears heard it. You bet it made me stronger. I’m not mad at it. It’s just why it felt tricky, because stars know I’ve tried. But hallelujah. It’s the scale, the vibe, the tribe.

There’s a lot to this story, there are many stories spread throughout. This coat ends up being not just more than just a coat, which we one hundred percent clarified that it is, more than just a coat, but a bouquet of flowers taking off from my hands, as we speak, as a symbol of the grande finale. A symbol of the past. Ooh, it sounds more dramatic than it is. For the coat and me. It’s suave, airy, no worries. Mmmwa! Now, I value it even more, it’s been my armour, a cape through a time in my life I won’t forget.

I adore soft.

And it’s not about stopping to love people, old friends who you danced a lot with in clubs, at parties on impromptu nights happening all of a sudden and have respected your boundaries, as seen below, it’s about choosing happiness. Renaissance. 

Aaaaaa!!!! We keep this tradition of saying Happy Bday a thousand days apart or you know, not at all, wahaha. Happy birthday! The best is always yet to come! Mwa! Hug [lovely wife] and the little guy! Ever growing pink heart, rocket, star.

And his reply: Hahaha you’re so funny. Pretty thanks kisses Kiss emoji.

You know perfectly where you stand. You’ll always have the memories, you’ve known each other for more than ten years, you smile only remembering about them, but, man, you’ve never felt more you than you do right now. Home and home again and again feels so good.

And then I call Gabi, she’s been cutting my hair for more than ten years, too, and everything is just so clear. Fun.

Listen, long story short, this is the thing. I went to her wedding, a year ago, we’d known each other for more than ten years, keep it feisty and short, yes, then she came to my home, I cooked something lively on the spot, had some red wine, my neighbours happened to come by, we had a good time and we all smile when we remember about just how sick I, instantly, got. Funny, funny. Anyway, back to the coat. Oh, we haven’t even started that. So, at some point, it might have seemed like another bottle of red wine was needed or something, so we decided to go together get one, from the grocery shop just near by. I was wearing a pair of blue jeans and, by that time, they got really, really ripped just underneath the right cheek. I had a sweater on top, but decided not to go butt naked to the grocery shop. Even with my warm jacket on, yes. We were in front of the lift. As soon as I turned back to go change, she said: oh no, let’s just exchange our jackets. She wore my dark blue hooded winter jacket I basically wear pretty much all of the time in winter and I wore, tuh-duh, the coat that she’d just found in a charity shop with reselling it through her instagram shop on her mind. We laughed in the lift, in the grocery shop, and as soon as we got back in the lift, she told me You know what, this coat suits you so well (the truth is I felt fantastic in it and, now, you know the favourite at that moment homewear underneath, my world) that I’m thinking let’s exchange coats and see what happens. So this is what we did. Doesn’t this sound… Lovely? I liked it from the moment I saw it, but I just might sell it to you. I was in. It was unexpected, sounded pretty invigorating, sure! Should have bought it right then and there, but here’s how it goes, it went naturally, so I trust this. I pulled out a coat I’d been wearing for a while up until that moment, the story of how and where and from whom I bought that one is funny, too. I enjoyed it, we had some awesome times together, and thought perfect timing for it to get somewhere else. It felt natural. One year later, she texts me that she would want the coat back. My heart skipped a bit, but also couldn’t wait to call her on my crisp run and, on this occasion, to also catch up. I talk so loud about about how it would be best for her to take care of herself more, long story, with my headphones in my ears that I feel like the whole Victory Avenue can hear me speaking or something, but suddenly, or luckily, or something, no cars, very few people, it feels like it’s just me and the sun in front of me, on the sidewalk. Of course, I bring up totally upfront the coat in our discussion. My intention is to know whatever she truly wants. She told me she wanted the coat back because she felt like wearing it to Rome next time. When I heard that, I knew there was no going back. Told her about my undying love for it, though, but also told her that I completely get it. Even told her our story above. The cold wind was around. Just mentioned the sun, you get the vibe. It was on that same day that the other four people came about. You coat, coat… 

Are coats the some kind of magic Queen is singing about?

I couldn’t resist or just wanted to be there one hundred percent and see. So I drove to a fabric warehouse sharply. Now, here’s another thing. If I would’ve bumped into the thingy thing, I would’ve got it no matter what. Didn’t, felt alright about it and drove back. Loved it. We’ll see. In the past, I would’ve got something that had caught my eye. Some dark green army thing, something black with discrete red palm trees on it, a certain kind of blue velvet? Nah. I still have some huge amounts of fabrics at my lady seamstress. Hm. Nah. 

I brought the socks home. Today’s favourite homewear is made of the fluffy baby blue robe with vibrantly coloured, the size of a palm butterflies on it. And the socks. Imagine the coat for today’s favourite homewear and my world inside of it. 

I’m on an important mission, mom’s birthday is in 2 days and I have a surprise to further orchestrate, mwa! Mmmmmwa!

Hey, this is Cristina Pavelescu wearing a music cassette sweater, decoding (life) style and writing from wherever, yet always living in OZ, a world I invite you into. To smile in front of our screens (and live one day), put any kind of questions, answer in writing (or imagination) and marvel at fashion which is, in fact, style.


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