Is what it feels like when the cool water splashes its trillion – infinite is what it feels like – molecules all over your body, as you get into the sea, at sunrise. You don’t let the fear of the cold or the deep get in too deep, you feel the fear and you do it anyway, you feel the fear leaving the planet, your mouth might be saying otherwise, but your laugh will always give you away, sway. You’re dying to live the pleasure of this painting or movie that you’re in, you trust the sea, the sun, the air, the company, your body and your hair (if you know you know). A cosmic kind of dust. The last inhale before getting completely in electrifies every cell that is now rushing to shelter inside the goosebumps of your skin. You forget to breathe, for a second or two. The sublime is here. The waves come in and cast a mysterious spell. The sun comes out. The magic show begins. Your eyes absorb the feeling. Mother wit. Out of this world. Intimate. You feel enwrapped, as opposed to trapped. Free, you don’t think, you just are. Enraptured is the word. Kiss. You know the kind.

You transform. Every time. And when you do, you are, basically, reborn. Can you handle it if I go there with you?

Is a song.

To feel free with someone else who feels just as free, no matter what, is…

Being in the presence of someone you feel effortless with is… Effortless is something one cannot plan, it either is or is not, and when it is, it’s…

You know when you don’t have to anything with someone, but end up doing everything with someone? Nothing is alert, nothing is hidden, the energy is crystal. Electricity in the air don’t care. So much life to live your life to the fullest. Pleasure all over the place. When time vanishes, yet everything is right on time or even better than one might have ever imagined. Now. You let life take you places. Comfortable silences are just that, you fit me better than my favourite sweater atmosphere. Er, ear. Everything is easy, you both see it as such. Everything is, all the time, on the table that you like to eat on so much. In the kitchen. You fall asleep instantly, it’s that safe and sound song, from a particular concert, that you like. Relaxed, swoosh, you give in. Sometimes, you don’t sleep at all. Finally, staring into someone’s eyes is home.

It’s all that someone is that makes sure (without making sure) that every inch of your mind, body and soul completely let go. Is satisfied. At peace. It’s something that happens instinctually, you just are. Thinking, then, comes naturally. In a flow. While being present, more than ever, in everything that life is. On earth and in the universe. To absorb the feelings of one another is…

Of course it’s romantic when it’s vice versa. Now, dance. It’s all that you are. Sink in. The fun. You know who you are. And when you don’t, just remember who you are and remember who you are.

…Is ecstasy. It comes from the Greek word ekstasis, and it means to be or stand outside oneself. And, yet, closer to oneself than ever. Of course.

Someone just asked, rhetorically, what would life feel like without feelings? Man. Not fun.

It’s you who you fell in love with first. Or kinda simultaneously. It’s the raw kind of power nature is all about. And time is an illusion, yet it’s fascinating to remember, once in a while, about the speed the earth orbits around the sun and guess who gets to live on earth. Around the sun. Amongst trillions of galaxies. All the time. Not bad. Between the stars? Are you kidding me?

This bathing suit had been around, for quite some time, before I, actually, wore it for the first time – a place I, officially, met a character in the fairytale, that’s why I remember it. It blew my mind literally and metaphorically. Ladies and gentlemen, the wind! I wrote Surfboard, Surfboard, I just did my thing, and, now, Surfboard, Surfboard is in my first book, you following the drill? Surfboard, Surfboard, basically. I can’t believe it’s following me here, now. I love it, come on! Some things are meant to get out of your life, you love clarity, other things are meant to stay and make room for the out of the blue, you love the sky, the surprise. The truth of it all.

So, you let go of the parts of you that were not, in fact, you or were not you anymore, instead of witnessing all those parts, unconsciously, multiply, transform you into someone you were not and your heart to, eventually, turn off the light. You started a little war inside of you. Say what you mean to say, kiss like you adore to be kissed, hug and all that jazz, we’re only likethislikethis once, and we’re all in this lush psychedelic orchestration for a reason, each and every one of us. Transform now. Die with a smile. Is another song. What is coming is, also, created in the now, you cannot escape the now, no matter what, it’s a gift. Present, go figure. Feeling thankful instead of worrying changes perspectives and calms the heart. You become the revolution. Here, where you can see the parts that are you, the parts of you that you forgot about and do something about it. Have fun. The parts will connect, on a day like today – you came with an invisible manual that said be the change you wish to see in the world, after all – and, abracadabra, here you are!

I believe everyone knows this to be true, intuitively, it’s just that it takes a lot of curiosity – drive, passion for life, eagerness to grow? – to, actually, take the journey in its all entirety. Take the responsibility. And when one does, one also sees that love, yes, but joy is the only way. Same, yes, yes. There’s no two ways about it, come on (you know the tone, the Jimmy Fallon tone)! A sort of tremble invades the space. Purity. Pleasure of the discovery. If it weren’t for authenticity, we would not have a light bulb today, or anything in our lives, really. Authenticity is always bumping into you, staring at you, poking you, making you laugh uncontrollably, telling you the truth in any situation, it’s who you are and, no matter what, you’ll always have that – guess who’s directly intervening right now, right here, dying for you to be high on the other one.

Why would anyone want to get over the one thing you hope for from the minute you’re born and remember till the day you die? […] Why? Because it’s the greatest reward that woman or man can have on this earth? To love and to be loved? Exactly.

Guys and Dolls, aw (1955) 

Naked all the time was the dress code for the rest of Sardinia. Just kidding. Or not. Kidding. What a beautiful word. Who doesn’t adore a good laugh? The cosmic kind of mindf*ck. I mean a wonderful chain of events that take you to paradise.

I got the butter yellow French terry top without trying it on or anything. I just knew I wanted it from the moment I saw it and that was it. A party every time I wear it. It just has that flair. It, it, it, it, eat.

These sunglasses have been growing on me so unexpectedly, but pretty steadily. It’s the only pair that feels comfy when jogging and walking faster than the little people going to school, the people going to work, even faster than the cars, at times, in the morning, in the city. It’s the music in my years. Running on the beach, at sunrise, is pretty fantastic, ooh. Right where the water comes onto the sand, splash, splash. The bubbles are playing their own symphony, playing with you. A little bit of music you fancy adds up to the allure of the day. Just as heavy rain in Italy, spontaneously, does. And you’re eating one of the best pizzas, actually, you’ve ever had, 777, in great company, under the roof of a beach bar. Can you feel the smell? I mean.

However, it was at the end of summer that these sunglasses skyrocketed in my eyes. Inga asked me to see what they felt like and she ended up wearing them for the rest of a sweet, sweet day. I loved it. She did, too, I could tell. Sweet, sweet kid.

Oh and, on the glorious day I got, on a whim, the sunglasses, I also got, also on a whim, this bright green chunky corduroy hat I’d used as decoration at home, but then decided, also on a whim, to take it on this memory forever trip to Sardinia. 

On a different shade of yellow, but in the same sort of fairytale, the warm bright yellow French terry shorts have a walking life of their own. Mom got them on the spot, when she saw them, on a holiday she, vividly, remembers to the day, in a time and apace where even my brother wasn’t in the picture yet. Little do we know is what it feels like, but we do. She wore them a bunch and I keep on gravitating towards them in special moments which is all the time, yum.

Man, the bright blue striped top is a story for another time and I know what my next blue striped top looks like, I haven’t seen it in reality, but I saw it in my imagination. So.

And so, Serge Gainsbourg’s Cargo Culte enters your life to shake things up. I didn’t pay much attention to the lyrics at first, which is rare, I heard a word or two that felt abrupt, but let a word or two slip by. It was everything else that marked the moment I felt alive, which is always, exactly, hi! The lush psychedelic orchestration. It popped out on a day, recently, on the speaker in the bedroom. It was not from my playlists. I got intrigued in the way you get intrigued when something unique pops out. And it doesn’t stop. It keeps on going and going. I haven’t been listening to that much of his music, but I figured the day that I would would, smoothly, come and ta-da. It happened on the same day I asked Siri, for the first time ever, to play a song on repeat. George Michael’s Safe – it, too, had started to, unfathomably, play. I had hit the repeat button many times on my phone, but I haven’t out loud, officially, asked Siri. Anyway. Some days have this sparkle one can not get one’s eyes off going on. Every day, you’re right, gotcha. Songs find their way into your days and days are written in the stars, it’s up to you from there on, tchintchin!

It’s sort of been a family tradition of ours; no one said it out loud, but here we are. These first rays of the light coming out from the sea, being in it. The sea. The light.

The light shining through, at the speed of light, is what is always going on, just as our subconscious fathoming the food is, just as the earth spinning around its own axis and spinning around the sun, at the same time, is. It’s the conscious mind that you want to have a gourmet meal with at your fingertips. The fact that everyone on the planet is talented at something helps with the first rotation. The second one is called revolution – is this why the universe always listens when you speak from the heart?

Earth revolves in orbit around the Sun in 365 days, 6 hours, 9 minutes with reference to the stars, at a speed ranging from 29.29 to 30.29 km/s. Funny, funny. The 6 hours, 9 minutes adds up to about an extra day every fourth year, which is designated a leap year, with the extra day added as February 29th. Aw.

Atomic clocks show that the modern day is longer by about 1.7 milliseconds than a century ago, and yet the pumpkins on Halloween seemed to have jumped from the boat in summertime straight onto the land, boom, hello.

And think about this. If every one were to start that word (I wrote, war is what I meant to) inside – that war inside would turn into a revolution, there’s no going back, slowly but surely, the word itself – war – would disappear off the planet. You know what I mean.

Doesn’t coming from a trip always trip your beat up for a bit?

A hot bubble bath however, at home, is always a good idea. And so is a homemade banana milkshake. You turned it into the best one you’ve ever had. The best banana milkshake at your fingertips? The purple banana milkshake kind.

It takes a sort of Olympian attitude to commit to the journey. To write the book that runs through your veins only and, hence, no one but you can see it. Until everyone can see it. Basically, anyone can do it. I wish you the best of luck, and luck, you see, is similar to magic, you have to believe in it to just do it, live the life of your dreams, what did you think? Write the book? That’s a story within the story and you can, definitely, do it. Live your life to the fullest. Writing the book, then, comes naturally, it might imply a lot of surrender that is, constantly, merging with discipline, lethal combo (an orgasm in French is la petite mort, the little death, isn’t that something?), but when passion comes in, there you go, nothing can stop it, not even… Hmm, what’s the word I’m looking for? Not even the deadliest poison of them all. Romeo and Juliet are here to stay. Love is here to stay, essentially. Thcin-tchin!

Don’t worry about the gun Romeo has. It turns into a song, later on. What Romeo also has, now, is a superpower. Love, yes, and that extra something that nudges him to move forward. Passion, yes, yes! That extra something makes him not want to drink the poison when Juliet’s, simply, asleep, he sees it all, Juliet wakes up and kisses Romeo. Juliet wants to have fun at the Paris Olympics with Romeo. They’d been strategising in their dreams, both Romeo and Juliet, ooooh, the work all the Batmen and Catwomen have been doing, over the years, is paying off, ka-ching, tchin-tchin, same, not bad, Romeo and Juliet, not bad.

Didn’t the opening of the Paris Olympics feel like a dream you forgot about that, boom, one day, just came true and blew your mind? The art. The game. Everything. Now. An athlete is a beautiful synonym for a human being having a spiritual experience in this world. The choice to be an Olympian is yours. Choosing to be an Olympian implies choosing today to be better than yesterday, it implies fun, too, for sure, what do you think the torch is here for? It’s the wand one can see the vision with in the dark. Professor Dumbledore himself says happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light. Luckily, magically, you do the math, the fire is always burning and burning and burning and burning and burning inside of you, it’s why you’re so brilliant, can you see the glow, it’s why you’re so hot, ooooh la la la la la la lalala la laaah sweet thing, you just are, what to do. And remember, Dumbledore’s got style.

Being in the present moment is a sexy thing. Just like creating a playlist is. It requires constant attention. To music. The power of sound is real. Just like the power of nurture is, but it is the kind of nurture that can’t be forced, for sure. If it’s not natural, you’ll feel it next time a song you added to the playlist – who knows when or where – pops up and something just doesn’t feel right. It rarely happens with your music, though, but when it does, it’s ok, it’s the game you’re playing with your intuition. You two make the best team. Nurture and nature don’t just, randomly, sound similar. Listening to all the music ever, in one night, and creating the playlist is… I almost said impossible, but the word itself says impossible, luckily, magically, you do the math. Oui, oui, cliché, but, funnily enough, every time I catch myself almost saying that something is impossible, I decide on not saying it. How to say, wholeheartedly, Impossible!? You can’t! You can, but you can decide not to. And, so, expand your horizon and who knows whose, too. It’s merely a word, you might say and it is, but so is every word until you see its potency. Abracadabra – just as powerful as no. Or hi. Or bye. It’s a spell. Potency is not that far away from potion, either. Stopping yourself or who knows who from something that could, otherwise, potentially, be otherworldly precisely because something seemed impossible to the rest of the world, but – boom – you or who knows who make or makes it possible sounds like magic to me. 

I thought it was impossible but you made it possible sounds, in my head, like crazy. On a recent flight, I listened to the song on repeat, while writing on my phone from the front row of the plane. Actually, I listened to six songs that, thank goodness, somehow, I’d been guided to download on my phone. I thought Apple Music saves your downloads forever and that, therefore, I was covered, downloading music for the time spent in the air didn’t even cross my mind, but something beyond thought made me do it, regardless. No logic involved, I just hit download, on the night before the flight. I’m so happy it’s songs I really like that we’re talking about, otherwise no music would’ve been on the flight and that would’ve been sad. Can you sense the rhyming, too? It comes naturally. 

Naturally, by Slow Train Soul, just won’t leave my mind and I am loving it. Naturally. Of course. I could just start writing in the form of a poem instead of stating the surprise of a rhyme, every time. I guess I’m enjoying the surprise, every time. Still. Of course I do. Whooh, said I. You with me? Of course you are. You’re here, you’re present and what’s more beautiful than that? I know you’re thinking about what could be more beautiful than that. So am I. Present is love. Present is passion. Present is goodness. Divine. 

The past and the future is a joke to me now. I see that they’re nothing. I see they ain’t here. The only thing that’s here is you and me. Moonstruck, awestruck, what to do.

On a drive, also recently, but you know how some things just are timeless, I was searching for songs on my brother’s phone, in my brother’s car, while he was driving, and you know what it is like when you’re searching for songs on someone else’s phone, even when you have all the internet in the world, but what you also have, this time around, is kids in the backseat. Fabulous is what I mean. Music just keeps on playing and so do we. Upon our arrival home, just before getting out of the car, he asked me, without waiting for an answer, we listened to this last song a couple of times in a row, right? I did reply, however. Yes! Imagine the look, imagine the nod, imagine the face expression. His. I love it when it happens. Naturally. This naturally is intentional, in case you were wondering. Oh, the song we listened to “a couple of times in a row” was II MOST WANTED. I know.

So, listening to all the music in the world, in one night, and creating the playlist is a possibility, who knows what superpower you’ve got, but, usually, creating a playlist requires many things, all at once, we’re here to experience everything anyway, so that’s funx3. And so, usually, creating a playlist requires time. In a parallel universe, it might already be done, but it’s in this one that nature takes its time, no matter what. Every day is just as important. Hm. Special. It’s why music is the soundtrack of our lives, after all. It’s why some choose to be Olympians. Because playing it safe’s just about the most dangerous thing a woman like you could do, ooh, wink, ka-tching, thcin-tchin, same.

Patronus Charm – close to shots of Patron, close to shotgun rider, worlds apart from Bombarda Charm. We all get a wand at birth, the power of free will is just as real, the wand chooses the wizard, and so on, mental. Live the full life of the mind, exhilarated by new ideas, intoxicated by the Romance of the unusual, said Ernest Hemingway. Of the impossible that is unique, in fact, that’s why it seems impossible to everyone, but not to you. 

Ooooh la la la It’s the way that we rock when we’re doing our thang Ooooh la la la It’s the natural LA that the refugees bring Ooooh la la la la la la lalala la laaah Sweet thing.

The back cover of my first book says:

What does yours?

Aw.

And when I say we’re all made of stardust, I, of course, am talking about the bees, also, so, imagine what it felt like when the paper bag I was carrying a large glass jar full of honey in broke and the large glass jar full of honey along with it. A feeling like no other. Despair. I knew that one honey bee produces one 12th of a teaspoon in its entire lifetime and its entire lifetime means 36 days in peak summer or about 100 days in winter. (!). 12 bees produce a single teaspoon?! Hundreds of teaspoons of honey on the concrete garage floor and thousands of bees who worked like crazy to produce the honey create this present moment, somewhere in the ether. Close to ethereal. I know, right? Obsession versus possession, bees know they’re in this until the end of time. When the work is done, it is forgotten, that is why it lasts forever is an ancient text bees are here to claim. 

I’ve always liked yellow, but then again, I like all the colours. So. So, it’s yellow’s time. The whole va-va-voom of a bee’s style is of interest to me, every time I see one. I’m wearing, as we speak, a yellow jumper. So. Lots of Sos, lots of clear, blue sky. Feels like honey, oh man, see? And we can’t help but fall in love with life just a little bit more. 

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hundreds of teaspoons of honey, very, very slowly, flowing towards the driver’s tyre. I knew the paper bag was strong enough to carry the things that needed to be carried from the house to the car and vice-versa, but, sometimes, no matter how sure or aware you are, things just happen. To stir up one other thing or two. The feeling I had in the moment, in the somewhere in the ether moment, in the close to ethereal moment, kept on flashing images of a sweet, sweet bee flying around, doing her thing, licking all that nectar from the flowers, flying back to the beehive, carefully passing it, mouth-to-mouth, to another bee, the nectar becoming honey, honey being pushed into wax beautiful chambers and all that jazz, in my head, throughout the whole day and the day after it. My heart broke. It’s not about fault or anything like that, it’s never that, but I just felt sad. 

You know when you both feel like crying and smiling, at the same time? You know, for sure, when something doesn’t feel right, but, in a matter of seconds, the keys to the house are in honey, the car key is in honey, anything I touch is in honey, so the light starts to come out. Honey all over the place, aw. There’s, obviously, no way for me to save any of it, it’s honey mixed with glass, such a painful sight. It was a large, large jar.

I, still, haven’t managed to completely clean the floor. I smile and sigh, every time I get out of the car and see the honey stuck on the tyre. Nod, a bit. The attempt to avoid the crime scene, when parking, makes it all so real. I even touch the tyre, just to see what it feels like. Honey on a tyre is an unexpected combo. Sticky, but, you know, on a tyre. My hand is sticky again and so are the keys, the phone, the bag. I gently rub my palms together, but nope, still sticky. I don’t touch much in the elevator, but I grab the house door handle and here we go, some honey here, too. Again. Honey all over the place, I’m telling you.

When stuff breaks, you clean stuff and that’s that, but you see, with honey it’s different. You can’t wipe it with tissues, I tried. Is this a wink to the past? If something’s standing in the way of you feeling wholly secure within yourself, a time will come when clarity will become the thunderstorm that will swoosh everything in your stomach. Just to make sure.

What is when someone you care about hurts you in the very place they know hurts you the most called? They know the place, they were around when it hurt you like crazy, when it was someone else who wanted to, deliberately, hurt you and you jumped at the call, no guard, no nothing. You’re all in, you like it hardcore just as much as you like it soft. It might sound like we’re talking about you know what, maybe we are, everything is connected, all the time. You feel something, all the time, newsflash, just as the world goes round and round. All the time! Gravity glues you to earth every day, the sun rises every day, you can see the stars, no matter what, and then, one day, you hear a song and it takes you somewhere only music can. You make a million decisions that mean nothing and then, one day, you order take out and it changes your life, says Meg Ryan in Sleepless In Seattle. You make a million decisions that mean nothing and then, one day, you hear a song and it changes your life. 

Feel free to insert your own thunderstorm, in here, you know you gotta be brave to be in love. You’re not scared of the overflow, waterfall is what you’ve always, secretly, craved, well, ta-da to me. It’s where I know I thrive, it’s the overflow that makes me focus in a manner that feels natural, that makes me happy, there’s a rhythm to it, just like there’s a rhythm to Seal’s Human Beings.

It’s this extra – some might say, I believe it’s everything – that not many people get to live – some might say, I believe everyone has the potential to. The space the wish for it comes from is called a safe space?! I die. Pointing straight at your heart, it’s the love of your life. Fun, confidence, peace, you share them all, intimately. You can feel it in your bones, even before you can feel it in your brain, you’ve always felt it in your heart, but, you see, the heart is so, so tenderly smiling, the heart is so subtle and mesmerising that we almost, at times, see it as too magical to be true and, yet, the heart is what keeps us alive. The E.T. kinda tenderness. The heart knows what feels right. Beat after beat, when you surrender to it, every cell is filled up with energy, with passion.

You know when you call your mom and sense that you’re on speaker and she’s with people? You know you can’t slip in the fact that you’re naked, anymore. Not that anyone would see you, but, suddenly, the safe space takes the form of an aura, your aura, a lush dressing gown. Doable.

As opposed to as soon as Bohemian Rhapsody starts and you know you’re safe. Is this the real life? Every time. Is this just fantasy? Redemption arises in mysterious ways. Or whenever you see Robert De Niro in a movie and you know you’re safe. You can just be. Or anything George Michael anytime.

Another proverb says Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are. Interesting. It reminds me of the idea that your nervous system will naturally feel calm around people with pure intentions and authentic energy.

You’ve always had this thing going on between your heart and yourself, but you didn’t point at it. It’s not that you didn’t want to, but, ironically enough, you were too busy jumping at the no guard, no nothing calls. Hm, now that I come to think about it, deep inside, somewhere, you just trusted your heart? Secretly? To do its thing? Sing? And then, one day, your heart is all you can feel. It did its thing! Goodness! It’s not just about climaxing, although when it’s in sync with what your heart has been telling you all along, it’s funny. It’s not something anyone can give you, you can’t buy it, make it, you can’t plan on it, yet all you know is that when you both are in it, you both glow, you’re both free. Maybe for the first time ever. Safe. Wild. Free. You feel their every cell means fabulous and the world to you.

I’ve been in relationships I so wanted to work, twisted my brain, in every direction, to make them work. It felt possible, but you see, it only felt possible to me. A relationship that made me feel trapped and all I wanted was for it to work? I know, I know, nonsense. Why force anything when the stars just know better? A very fun kind of faith. And bam, you make a million decisions that mean nothing and then, one day, you meet someone and it changes your life bumps into your life. 

The one you were in the actual relationship with might have sensed, unconsciously, what you’re going through, it’s unconscious for a reason, but might have their cutting themselves off interfere with one other thing or two? Just as unconsciously, you started to cut yourself off from true happiness. Uh-oh. As they knew it would have taken a lot of courage they knew they didn’t have – they did, but you know what I mean – they started to project anything but honey onto you, pull on your heart, compassion, everything that you were, only to keep you by their side. It’s what made them courageous, in the first place. It’s you who’s drowning, in the meantime. 

These might not’ve been the exact thoughts crossing my head, when I was going through things, but my heart was on it. Always. I cried on the whole way back home from a vacation, a very long time ago, whilst in one of the relationships mentioned above. No, no, I didn’t leave the relationship and elope, it was never about the someone and it changes your life what it was all about. It was about me. The head had to catch up with my heart.

We can only meet each other as deeply as we’ve met ourselves might sound bizarre, at first, but isn’t truth so, so sexy? So, where’s your safe space, what makes you courageous? You know it’s not someone else, you’re in the driver seat, but you, also, know you’ve just listened to Dire Straits’ On Every Street. A couple of times in a row. Any seat is great in great company, hair in the wind, not a care in the world.

A while had passed and I entered a relationship that took me even further from myself, s*it, s*it, s*it, s*it, s*it, s*it, s*****it – the heart kept on doing its thing, persevering, of course, it’s the heart, hallelujah – buuut it shot me back to me, back to the moment I opened my eyes on this planet, at a speed I didn’t see coming, but completely enjoyed. Obsession, when left unchecked, can become a destructive force that clouds one’s judgement and leads to actions that are not rooted in love, but in the desire for control and possession is what I know, for sure, happened to me. For me. The opposite of what desire means to me. Now, I can smell a hidden agenda from afar. I always could, but I had to learn to trust my intuition, to trust. People intending on all sort of stupid stuff didn’t even cross my mind. It’s the in between where other people’s fears rumble around. Round and round. Instead of potential. Desire.

Paying attention is the key to spontaneity. To act on instinct and go with the flow. Say no. Thanks, but no thanks. Why choose someone who doesn’t want you to be your best? What is that? A sign. You became angry with the world that you’re, in fact, in love with, with the world inside of you, the truth, or, better said, with the fears inside of you that were not even yours to begin with, the lies, ooh. Versus someone who loves the you you love. Tough choice, I know. 

You know where you started from. Dreams and morality have kept you going, but when you start to doubt what feels good (good, good), you stop for a second. What?! Slowly but surely, you spot it, whew, fantastic. We’re human beings and salvation awaits us, on the other side of the coin, you just gotta do the work. Unlearn a couple of things, learn one other thing, or two. Love is the transformative force that makes us feel secure and washes away all fears. Saying yes is simply too fabulous. Fabulous is here twice and this is not a coincidence. Three times, hi!

Getting off of the ship was magical in itself. My universe merged with the universeuniverse, and I knew(!). Then, I bumped into a photo of me as a child. My cheeks were so high from the whole lotta laughing from the heart… The joy. I knew, then, that it’s possible, just as I know, today, that it is. Possible. So if you think it’s love, it is. And if you think it’s trust, it is, as King Princess sings. Duh, but you know what I mean.

For a second there, you might’ve felt hopeless, but not because of the relationships you’d been in, those feel so distant to you, it was the hopelessness in your heart that was tearing you apart. Like your hands were tied. Good news just in! Anything that didn’t feel like the truth helped you peel off the layers off of you and you couldn’t do a thing about that, either. Cool. Who knows. We only have one life, we’d better live it and go on that perfect date.

Everything was worth it, it got you to today. And today is a new day to start it all over again. Gravity might pull us to the ground, but it seems like another kind of magical, undiscovered by scientists gravity pulls us to want more, see more, discover more, kiss more, love more, more, more, more, just like the song says.

It’s not about being perfect, of course it’s not. It’s about just being being enough. You can watch the seed sparkling from there. Someone who is home and adventure – a soul who calms you and drives you wild, not bad, heart, not bad.

Two kittens, around the cabin in the mountains, just can’t keep their eyes off of each other, in a very funny way. The baby girl came first, out of nowhere, a couple of months ago. The baby boy has just come. Seems like out of nowhere, too. She kind of mixed side eyeing with letting him eat from her plate and purring, tightly something next to one another, on dad’s lap, on the swing, in the backyard, on the evening of the day they met. They’re too young to be involved like that, they’re about six, seven months now and that, in cat years, must be the adolescence, right? Regardless, when they gravitate around you, you can’t keep your eyes off of them. They just are and like each other instinctively. Raw. On and on and on and on.

Ok, so I’d deleted the next paragraph, but guess what. Mom just called. You won’t believe the biggest news ever!

What?!

So, Loona’s been around and, out of nowhere, remember, a baby tiger showed up. He was meowing and meowing and meowing, unapologetically. Even Loona seemed to be confused. As soon as we touched him, played with him, held him in our arms, kissed him, he stopped. And started to purr. Loona was on the outlook for him, especially since she’s the only cat that’s the princess around our house. She’s relaxed, playful and on it, at once, all the time. A Catwoman, but super childlike. Super protective. A real feline. And here comes another one. We’d been trying to call him Sun, Sunny, something, but our tiger, naturally, just kept on coming out.

Loona comes to the house every time we’re there. The reunion is always a delight. So, when we were gone for more, we talked to our lovely neighbours to keep an eye on her. They’d always had dogs and wanted one again, made a bed for Loona, aw, in their garage, decided to adopt a puppy, hooray. So, the news is our neighbours called. Our Loona is now sleeping with our tiger, in their garage! And as if that wasn’t so special in itself already, our two wild kittens keeping each other warm, aw, the news continued. …And with the two months old puppy as of last night! My, my, my, my, my, my, my. Preciously unprecious.

Remember when you were a child and you got beyond enthusiastic whenever something like this happened?…kidding, and you liked someone like that? Nothing else in the world existed kinda thing. When you could just be vulnerable and vulnerability didn’t even cross your mind, you just were, no guard, no nothing, you gave in and danced. Surrendering to the power of style, instinctively, transforms vulnerability into a superpower…that is why it lasts forever. Freja Beha Erichsen, photographed by Patrick Demarchelier, in the 2011 February British Vogue, is a testament to forever, guess why.

So, are you going to continue to not feel safe or completely change your perspective and create the safety within you first? You know who you’re happy to share it with, no matter what’s going on and who’s around. Now, you’re safe all the time. Anything other than that is stupid. And stupid is who stupid does, as Forrest says. When it’s stardust that you know you’re made of, how can you ever be satisfied with just dust? 

Your cheeks are back to where they belong, so high from the whole lotta laughing from the heart. Is this the first time that you’re truly in love? Is this the love that you’ve daydreamed about, cried over, for years, when you didn’t even know why you were crying? Even your crying transforms. When you’re [both] drowning, as David Beckham says in the Beckham documentary, that’s when you know it’s the real deal. It hurts so bad that it takes you to the moment you opened your eyes on this planet. Only to be reborn again. Is this the one? Well, feel the feelings, goddamn, so you can start to feel the joy already, who has time for negativity? 

Who is the one you’d really like to be underneath the costume, on Halloween? Who is the one you’d really like to be underneath your costume, on Halloween? Eye to eye. You both just are, completely naked, even if you’re in full costume mode on, you’re committed, that’s for sure, you just let it be, completely let go and have the time of your life. Hands in the air, everything.

When coming back from anywhere, on different occasions, on a plane or in a car, mom used to ask me if I missed home. I replied, nonchalantly, nope, every time. Then, one day came and I couldn’t stop myself from crying on the whole flight back. I just couldn’t. Kinda shocked my parents. I did it on another flight back, too. On another one, again. Even I was confused. Amazed by the overflow. Wow. Waterfalls coming down from my eyes. I just didn’t care, I mean I did, but I just couldn’t stop, in the security line, on the plane, so I guess I just didn’t want to. The tears invaded the whole planet. In style, of course. The whole planet versus someone who knows you to the core. Kind of without asking, but figuring it all out. A single glance and they can see the entire galaxy doing its thing inside your eyes. It’s enough.

Now, home keeps on sticking to me every day. It’s all that honey that makes me feel like home anywhere. Goodness! 

Just relax… Relax, then work. Relax, then work. Or both. Or both. Both.

What true connection truly feels like? When you look into someone’s eyes and you can not but see someone’s soul, swoosh, you’re eager to connect to precisely it. Your soul has, always, been in pursuit of intimacy. It’s second nature. You never stopped and, actually, gave a thought to it, it’s just authentic to you. What’s the antonym for nature? Man made. It’s when you start to build bridges, you need to connect the world to the truth. You know it’s hard work, but you, also, know clarity is invaluable. Is connected to endorphins release. And! And. It’s a human being standing right in front of you and that’s beautiful, at all times. You see something new, it allows you to play with perspectives, yes, yes, thank you, yes, but it’s a specific kind of connection that we’re talking about here. Kind. Full of oxytocin. When listening to Purple Rain, until the chimes come out, the violins, the applause, or to the whole Inspiration Information / Wings of Love album, together, is second nature.

Truth is universal, timeless and it’s fascinating when it comes in the form of a surprise. It makes you, instantly, open your heart, you feel safe to. Now you know just how much your heart means to you. It’s always happy and wants you to be, too. Likes to feel the heartbeat of the one, what to do. Suddenly, you’re free. There’s no right or wrong and breathing is a spontaneous reminder of it. You feel air invading your heart and, from it, spreading everywhere, it’s what opening your heart feels like. When your open heart is in the presence of, at least, one more open heart, nature courses through your veins. Peace is having a blast and you’re breathing like there’s no tomorrow.

You’ve been dipping your toes, here and there, giggling, finding it extremely attractive, gradually ever evolving, you like the no limits thingy. So, you dive deeper and deeper, naturally, like a mermaid does, you fly high or just above the ocean, at a speed that feels right in the moment, like a unicorn does. An enchanting ride that takes you into the arms of someone who looks into you, not at you, and the living is easy. There’s desire and no resistance to it. Instant creation. 

How to feel satisfied with the ordinary when everything you’ve ever, really, wanted is extraordinary? It takes us to the importance of the little things, just as significant as the big things. Ordinary is just as extraordinary. Your extraordinary. Not perfect. Yours. So, perfect. Yours.

You know what a hug of someone who really gets you feels like. And is not afraid to hug you like that, that’s the second part. You feel the intention, each time, you know your whole lotta love vibration. You don’t think about it, but when you’re in it and you’re melting, that’s when you know something, for sure. Staying in your lane, walking on the walking lane (as you do in airports), pursuing what you intended on helps. Not needing anything and enjoying everything. In theory. It’s the whole lotta love inside of you. True. I mean look at the ocean, sun in the face, all that jazz. We all need a hug, in practice, though, cha-ching!

You know what a hug of a cat or of a dog that wants to hug you, in their own way, feels like. They do all they can to glue their body, as close as possible, to yours. Look you in the eye. Smile with their eyes. Tilt their head. Purr. It’s some kind of dance, at times. Definitely play. Mirror you. Try to deliver some kind of message. Chill next to you. They just are.

You appreciate all sorts of eye gazing, but there’s one, in particular, that electrifies you. It’s the truth. When souls salute each other for real, for real. When it isn’t for real, for real, man, it confirms, on and on again – and even that feels amazing, the thought of a true connection feels amazing on its own – just how much you love love. The tremble you feel when you inhale and almost forget to exhale.

Polar opposite to the inhale you need to take when you come down from your world, into an uber, and, suddenly, you really do feel like an alien. F*ck! You sky rocket, in your head, and do your best to strike a connection, you’d sensed they wanted to connect, but here comes our friend, intention. Arrivederci and off into the evening you go. You’re fabulously happy with the connection you have, at all times, with yourself.

It makes you even more aware not only of what is important, but also exciting to you. To dieee fooor. You feel it in your stomach as you’re reading this. If you don’t, come back to it when you do. I’m going to repeat it for the people in the baaack: you feel it in your stomach as you’re reading this.

When did people start to be with people just because people are supposed to be with people, just because people say so, instead of looking forward to be with someone they actually desire, are in awe of? It’s easier to believe in love when you see love around you, true, but guess what, you can choose to see the love all around you and, one day, boom, you see the love within you. Sense it in movies, too, listen to it in music, feel it, all that jazz.

A lot about relationships of all sorts has been roaming around and it’s, sometimes, so entangled, and this, and that, and ooh, but hey, but no, but yes, twisting and turning continuously, but isn’t you just being real all that is sort of required of you? It’s funny because it’s also the easiest thing that you could ever be. It requires courage, but that’s why it’s so funny. So. There’s a sort of sassiness meshed into this whole courage thing and, when you like sassy, how can you ever say no to sassy? You don’t want to, so you dive in, you fly, you do whatever feels like the s*it.

Confidence is sexy when it’s raw. Peeking from behind the shyness that tastes like honey, says I see you without saying it. The kind of confidence Romeo has. Juliet, too. They’re not Romeo and Juliet for nothing, after all. They’re everything.

Your heart was wide open, all evening long, and, all evening long, the thought of intimacy alone kept you floating. It’s when the passion in your heart is on fire mode and, yet, time seems to be standing still. You’re all cool inside, yes, but, man, it feels so good when it’s the specific kind of connection that we’re talking about. You know what you’ve wanted, ever since you were a kid. You stepping up a notch a day + them stepping up a notch a day = top notch.

You know exactly what happiness really really really really really really really really really feels like. Looks like. The butterflies in your stomach go beyond. Take a boat ride, come back home into your stomach and so on. When they’re on a boat, they just let themselves float. Take a natural pause. Only to fly again, just as naturally, wherever they want and, swoosh, back into your stomach. We’re elevating here, you with me? This “thought” was not intended to be romantic, but when you go with the flow, you never know. Plus! Plus. The idea of it came from a romantic feeling, I admit. Of course it did. Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet, with a happy ending, I know, I know, I’m talking about real life here, absolutely. Equals poetry. The thought of a true connection feels amazing on its own. So, when a connection happens, it’s breathtaking, uh-oh. Your dreams matter. Your peace matters. Your vision matters. Your smell matters. Your warmth matters. Your energy matters. Your sweetness matters. Your power matters. Your tears matter. Your boundaries matter. Your taste matters. Your charm matters. Your devotion matters. Your skin, man… Your pleasure matters. Your freedom matters. Freedom came in and freedom, basically, laid the foundation for everything that mattered.

When butterflies come back into the stomach, they take a nap or, if in the company of the butterflies they like in one more stomach, you never know. Being next to each other is enough. Maybe they even want to splash together in the water. Who knows? 

Compatibility. Is compatibility a bit overlooked or was it just me? I mean I looked compatibility straight in the eye, saw it possible, but I kinda hid it from my soul. The sense of humour is definitely, uhm, I almost said mandatory, but you can’t ask for it, I mean you can, in your dreams, I see a connection here, where is this going to, wait, wait, here. Sense of humour either is or is not. Compatible with yours, that’s the thing. They take the lead and you lean into it, you take the lead and they lean into it, you both take the lead, you both lean into whatever it is that feels exquisite in the moment, you’re riding the same wave, and so on. We’re all in the making all the time. 

Cool in the hottest way ever. Not just hot, of course. And ever, of course. I told you we’re on to something here. This is the kind of discussion butterflies have on a boat. Giving their full attention to whatever the present presents. It’s the enthusiasm that’s smouldering inside of you and when you feel the match lighting it, you feel your heart. It’s only natural for passion to take over. There’s a sense of magic and wonder in the air. It’s beyond you two or is it, in fact, precisely you?

And, then, the silence settles in and you’re in the perfect place, at the perfect time. You’re wearing the perfect thing. Of course it’s perfect, you can’t plan moments like this. They just happen and, surprise, you’re naked. You knew you were pursuing joy and joy it was. Is. A little plan, here and there, helps, yes. Polar opposite to the verb to settle, yes, yes, yes. We’re only talking about the vibe snow has when it settles everywhere, the vibe sun has when it settles on your skin. Here. A lot of feelings. Well, I guess, practice what you preach. Beware of the action, as well. Why did Beware of the dog, the cat is shady af, too cross my mind and make me giggle?

Compatibility makes things a lot easier. Heaven on Earth is, incessantly, created by our choices, so, in order to pursue what you know and want for sure, it matters who you’re on the wave with. You know that natural is what feels natural to you. Ease, at times, though, is preceded by the hardcore of the hardcore of everything. Decisions. Strength. Perseverance. Grace. We can learn from people’s mistakes, too, whew. Be original with ours. And then, one day, something clicks, all of a sudden. You’re the butterfly again, your heart is free. As it is natural for a heart to be. You dreamed about a natural heart next to yours, you do the math, which, instinctively, takes us to chemistry. Off the charts is the only way, I’ve figured out. Otherwise, is there an otherwise? Chemistry, just like humour or written in the stars, either is or is not. It’s up to nature. Yum, we’re on to something here x2.

Non passare tutta la tua vita a pianificare un’altra is the confirmation – I bumped into, while strolling, in the morning of the first day in Venice – of what my intuition has been, subtly, whispering to me, ever since I was a kid. 

It’s a fine line between knowing what you want in life and planning for it. Knowing what you want is a sure thing, it feels fabulous to your soul. Peace is starting to, gently, make its presence heard, just like the first snow of the year, usually, is. Light comes in. I know just how sensual the sun touching my skin feels, every time they see each other. Yes, every time. But planning, with planning is different, and I’ve come to appreciate a good plan, so much. I might not be a planner per se, but when the idea of a plan arises, the vision, piercingly, takes the lead. Like snow flakes or sun rays, details begin to fall into place. At times, make your heart race. 

With Venice, it was my brother who initiated everything, but then Hey, the girls are not coming is what he told me, as soon as I answered his call, on the night before the day we were all supposed to meet. In Venice. My brother, his daughters, mom, dad and me. Isn’t this chemistry? Similar to a good laugh, somewhere in the sky.

I was so hoping for a good night’s sleep before taking off, but I can’t ever – don’t want to, why would anyone? – miss a healthy laugh. So, I couldn’t fall asleep as planned, either. All of our moments with the girls, in summer, in Italy, suddenly, went out the window, after having been, exuberantly, popping up, in the back of my mind, in my heart. This time, however, I knew everything was, exactly, as it was meant to be and, completely, surrendering was the key. To the unknown. To the sharp arrow shooting for your heart. Bam, bam, bam. Ouch. Wait, it must be Cupid! Whew. The girls are going ew, as they’re reading this, I bet – I love you – and this might just be the key to open someone’s heart. Eeew, right, right, talk to the hand or high five, your choice.

My brother had this August vacation week with his daughters planned far ahead. He’s a surgeon, his schedule is pretty strict. The girls are in a Harry Pottery kind of school, their schedule is pretty strict, too, remember what it felt like when you were a kid? My brother and I had been talking about cities for the three of them to go to and then, one day, all of a sudden: By the way, I’ve decided, in fact, arranged everything, already. It’s Venice. And Venice wasn’t even on the list. Venice?! Nice. And funny. You know mom has always said ‘Venice’, whenever I asked her where was it that she wanted to go to the most, right?, me. Really?, Radu. Yeah, I said and continued. And you know how mom is, she doesn’t really say what places she’d like to go to. Of course she doesn’t, we almost always surprise her. Venice is only a two hour flight away, but it’s the way it all came about that made it all special and special is what, I believe, mom wished for Venice to be in our lives. Venice caught us all by surprise. Tchin-tchin!

Hm, let’s all do it, then, put on your cape and talk to mom. I couldn’t wait till the next day, so I called dad, on the spot, mom didn’t answer. They were on an entirely different wavelength, so I didn’t even open the Venice box. The next day came and I called mom, who, then, talked to dad. A couple of minutes felt too long to wait, so my drive almost decided for us all. …And see the girls?!, I thought. It was a no-brainer. It sounded so good. We were on. Every day is a surprise. Every time we get out the door, a surprise unfolds. Every time something flies out the window, a surprise flies into our home. A surprise opens up, as soon as we open our eyes. It’s magic, yup.

It was April when we planned it all, it was a surprise to us all, and we were all excited to surpriiise the girls, in Venice, but life had a slightly different plan. August came in a jiffy (or in a Fiji, as I like to say) and today, as I’m writing, is the last day of summer, mamma mia!

I didn’t call the parents, on the night before the trip, to deliver the news about the girls. I didn’t tell them anything about it, the next day, on our way to the airport, either – a test I passed, gracefully, as my heart was gathering back its pieces, one. Two, I made sure everyone was still excited on board. And three, the whole truth needed to be put on the table, at once with the whole family, as soon as we met. And so we did, later in the evening, upon our arrival, in a cozy garden. Diving deep is our specialty, Italian cuisine is theirs and the best of the best is arising, now, in my head, just like it was then, arriving on our candle lit table. 

Us all happy in Venice was the vision. Laughing, holding hands, hugging and kissing, obviously, wahaha. Every time someone would ask me anything about the trip, I couldn’t even remember the date of it, precisely, I just knew that it was coming. Every time it would pop up, vividly in the back of mind, candidly in my heart, the vision of a puffy cloud a cartoon character was sleeping in would, too. With sensational dreams rolling above their pretty head, just like a movie. A state of flow. There’s another puffy cloud, glued to the puffy cloud, and the cartoon character’s other half was on it. They bantered about it all and had the best time ever. Then, slept, dreamed. Together. Let’s make one big puffy cloud, though. Going with the flow is what my brother and I planned for us all to live. Life laughed, it was hot as hell, but hey, we went with it. 

Stayed in line, in the sun, for quite some time, to see Basilica San Marco, for instance. I think you’ll like it when you’ll see it, girls. I left a wink there, somewhere in a corner of the golden domes. 

But, then, chilled over a glass of white wine. Anytime anyone wanted to take a sip, anyone first raised the glass and we all tchin-tchined, as you know we do, at home, all the time. Tchin-tchin! Tchin-tchin! It got so tchin-tchiny, though, that your dad started to, kindly, ask us to do a quiet tchin-tchin. It’s hilarious how much focus a quiet tchin-tchin requires. But, then, we got to this 100% Marlon Brando in The Godfather restaurant and tchin-tchining was, practically, the name of the place. The gentleman serving us was from Jordan and that, instantly, reminded me of Coldplay’s Everyday Life Live in Jordan, that we listened to, a lot, at your father’s, together. The gentleman asked if I’d been to Jordan, I said no, but I saw some beautiful videos of it. He smiled, enthusiastically, and I’m sending him the videos via my imagination, right now. There’s a possibility that he might have, actually, seen and listened to the whole thing, by now. Live at sunrise and sunset! It’s an opportunity to look at his birthplace from a different point of view.

Man, this time, we would’ve played, I’m sure, Beyoncé’s concert, at the hotel. She’s on the Renaissance World Tour, as we speak, her gratitude tour, as she says herself, and we would’ve all enjoyed it, I know. Who knows, maybe we’re meant to enjoy it live together, one day soon, oh yeah!

See? When there’s an even better plan at play, how, how, how would you not want to play? My family heard me saying we only have one life, we’d better live it, so much, that they’re all yeah, yeah. Kinda like you two are, now. Or are you? 

As opposed to putting our lives on hold, for someone who doesn’t appreciate our time and energy. Pure love, basically. It’s invisible and invaluable, we can’t ever blame anyone for not seeing it. Putting our soul first is the superpower that makes the world go round. Our presence is the present. Cupid shoots at our hearts, we shoot for the stars, same. There’s nothing wrong with us wanting to be happy, it’s our birthright. Our brain can not be grateful and anxious, at the same time. It’s when the heart outsmarts the mind. To figure out who has our best interest at heart and who hasn’t comes easy, when we pay attention to it, it’s a process, but if we have to do it, we totally can do it. We all do it, as soon as we figure out that it’s us, first, who are responsible to have our best interest at heart. Then, sit back, relax and have some ice cream. Like we always do. Over a movie. And cuddle, or stretch, or laugh. Naturally. 

Venice, to me, felt like a castle, a castle you read about in books, a castle you drew when you were a kid, a castle like the one we saw, a million times, as you were growing up, in Shrek. Or Frozen, Trolls, or Coco. It’s surrounded by water, it makes the most romantic fairytale authentic. The core is always the truth. It’s unique. 

Unique,

That’s what you are 

Stilеttos kicking vintage crystal off the bar 

Category: bad b*tch, I’m thе bar

Alien superstar

Whip, whip

                                                          Alien Superstar – Beyoncé. Can’t help myself, told ya. 

John Lennon said: Being honest might not get you a lot of friends, but it’ll always get you the right ones. When you, constantly, choose your honest self, you get in the flow, compassion comes along, you feel everyone’s energy and let it be. Let it be, for the first time ever. It’s the fire intensifying in your heart that’s pushing you – and the world, together with it – forward. 

Going for a cool run, or a quick walk, to see the sun, at dawn, in Venice, in summer, has a sort of sparkle attached to it. I felt like in a mystical maze, all the time. Locals minding their Italian business, early in the morning, in a city that feels like an open book where history started to write itself, ages ago, and, as history is in the making, here we are, writing it in the present. Life in the making. Life in the clothes. So much life in one little world. Luckily, there’s also the underworld. And the stars. Where we’re all – ta-da! – naked. As we live every moment in Venice, words type themselves inside the book. No cars, only boats and – ta-da! – gondolas, and I love cars and driving.

Sounds like music would squeeze in, perfectly, in here. It’s funny how, after a glass of white wine and the pizzazz!, we came across I Musici Veneziani, the most prestigious concert hall nel cuore di Venezia, and got tickets, on the spot, to Vivaldi’s Le Quattro Stagioni and Barocco ed Opera concert, on the night of the same day that we got the tickets. I didn’t stop, for a second, to think about the flow we were in. Everyone was complaining about the heat, that’s why. Everyone but me, wahaha. I surely felt it, but the twenty minutes of yoga, in the morning, might have helped, who knows. I toned down on the bravery, at some point, but the enthusiasm shined through, no matter what, what to do. I like to strike while the iron is hot, you get me, that’s the thing. Sometimes, though, some things need some things. Like wine does, sì, sì. So.

A gondola ride at dusk, in Venice, is not bad, either. I didn’t expect to like a gondola ride quite as I did. It caught us all, in fact, by surprise. Surprise, again, yes. Floating on water in something symbolic feels soothing on the canals of the castle. On the small canals, not on the Grand Canal, at the suggestion of the lovely staff at the hotel.

Canal Grande is at its best at dawn. You know why, why, you know why, why, because we like to do it, we like to do it, we like to do it nice and rough(!!!!!!!). Because you can also go to the fish market, and pause on Ponte di Rialto, pass by the fruit, vegetable, spices market, on the way to it. It’s a buzz you can only sense early in the morning. A sort of mood. A sort of smell. A sort of tone. A sort of painting. Claude Monet painted six views of, particularly, this stretch of the waterway – six out of thirty seven works of Venice he began during 1908, on his only visit to the city. All the sense in the world or all the sense in the world?

Why do you have to be so damn unconventional all the time?, my brother – calmly, fully relaxed, sinking into his comfy chair – asked me, while looking sharply into my eyes and seeming surprised at himself for being surprised, still, or yet again. It’s almost midnight, it’s only us and a few other strangers, on the terrace of our wonderful hotel in Venice (Radu picked for him and the girls and, then, ta-da, us), on the Thursday right before the Friday we were about to kiss goodbye, for a while (yaycks), sigh, and tell each other Be smart. We talked, laughed a lot, but then I also cried (I care!!), it got to that, and we didn’t even open the lovelove box, but then laughed again. And talked a lot – it almost always gets to that, but people, usually, have to sleep, Cristina – until the delightful blond Italian James Bond (as my brother would call the blond Italian James Bond, every time he walked away after bringing us a cocktail or two, or white wine) closed the place with us two.

I wore an electric blue silk dress I got on a day that seemed so random I don’t even remember the day, but it was on the day I got the electric blue silk dress, a couple of years ago, and it’s on this Thursday that I wore it first. Apart from a few times at home, this summer, after bumping into it and cutting all of its hems, ruffles included – a hem does something to silk – and loved just how naked it made me feel. Free.

The night ended with him telling me You ca do and be everything you want. It was him who suggested going to an island nearby, for a proper beach day, while in Venice, after all. Of course it made all the sense in the world.

When funny timing is at play and a brilliantly farfetched Tarantino twist twists, you can not not pay attention to it. So, on Wednesday, when we went to a beach on Lido, an island a twenty minute boat ride away from Venice, a jellyfish bit me, while I was carelessly enjoying the sea with your dad and mine. These things kinda love you, said my brother, intriguingly, while laughing. Yeah, guess so, said I, while feeling and looking at the burn. It didn’t stop us from doing our thing forwards, but when it happened the second time around, your dad and I agreed on interesting… A wasp jellyfish wrapped around my right arm, twice, that day. And you know what a jellyfish bite feels like? Take a wild guess. Electric. Literally.

Man, you would’ve liked to just be with us, in the sea. Chilling. Talking. Laughing. Splashing. The whole drill. It would’ve been our first time together in the Adriatic Sea, but hey, this full proper beach day, just like when I was a kid myself, would’ve never happened if it weren’t for you, girls. And for your dad, always mindful of where to get you on vacation next, but also of how to raise you best, how to bring you in the presence of happiness, how to have all the confidence in the world, how to help you shine when he drives you to school, in the morning, and absolutely adores it. He doesn’t make a big deal out of anything, I know him, and I know that big things are just as important as small things. 

There’s something, or a lot, he’s bringing to your education from the way we were brought up; with loads of freedom. Nobody taught us about freedom. We sensed it through the power of example. Just like it was with happiness. Or greatness. We were always mingling with the adults and growing around great people. Everyone has greatness inside themselves eager to be discovered. Ninety percent of how you learn is watching great people.

One of the best things that a film director today can do for an actor is not be watching it on a monitor, not be watching it on a tv set, oftentimes in a whole other room than where the scene is taking place. We’re putting the camera right here, I’m right here, looking right at her, and here we go… Look at their eyes, see the environment around them. This is the creative part, you’re there, it’s back and forth. You’re part of the electric current that’s going on, said Quentin Tarantino. Just like it is in life, girls. Passion all over the place.

Just like water is all over Venice. The underworld, with its mystery and wonder, makes the boat ride back to the airport feel like a new beginning instead of the end. The stars are aligning, tchin-tchin! 

Each one of us might’ve imagined entirely different scenarios, but what brought the four of us together was, I believe, a common vision. The flow, word for word! Plus, we hadn’t had a family vacation like this one in a while – a year, hm… It was in Andorra, in the year 2000, on our road trip to the South of France and a detour to Barcelona, because hey, in the car, with mom, Radu and dad driving, through the morning streets of Andorra la Vella, that I first listened to Baz Luhrmann’s Sunscreen, after all. So, you never know when the miracle strikes. If you took the Albert Einstein way and see everything is a miracle, you know what I’m talking about. Miracles are all around, all the time. The other option is as if nothing is a miracle. Are you falling off your chair, too? Your choice. Your laugh.

Your ride. Car ride. Boat ride. Plane ride. Surf ride. Life ride. Ride or die. Joy ride. Alchemy. 

Every now and then say ’What the f*ck’. ‘What the f*ck’ gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future, said Miles Dalby to Tom Cruise.

Some movies seem to have been, intentionally, surfing through life only for you and them to find each other at the perfect time. Even my brother, in a conversation recently, was amazed by the fact that I hadn’t seen Risky Business and today is the day I saw it, for the first time ever. I, intentionally, softly and intentionally, refused to watch the trailer (as I usually do), kind of covered my ears whenever I sensed details about it coming towards them. Why hadn’t I seen it? No idea. The whole family, even, has always loved Tom Cruise. I, however, of course, knew about the dance. And those Wayfarers. That smile. 

Incredible! There’s, also, a song, in Risky Business, that’s been following me since I was a kid. Whenever it started anywhere, I had a moment of tudududududududum, playing drums and everything. You know, when it’s up there. Tudududududududum. Playing imaginary drums, in my mind for sure, if not in real life, every time. I remember the last time it happened with the whole fam in the car. It was dark, but it was dark because the sun hadn’t come out yet, it was that early in the morning that we were heading to the airport to leave on vacation together. My brother was driving his car I really like – spaceship meets music studio – and the song started to, gently, invade it through the speakers. It was perfect. I interrupted the soft-spoken conversation going on (no one wanted to wake up anyone, although we were all up, up and tidy, on top, we all like tidy in the morning, and on top, alright, alright) and said Ooh, one of the most interestingly (or beautifully?) constructed songs ever. My brother looked at me, swiftly, in the rearview mirror, and, in a calm tone, said Agreed.

The song has haunted me just as it has, probably, haunted you, we live on the same planet. Or do we? Any time I heard In The Air Tonight, I thought – even if only for a rocket kind of second – about what I was feeling in the moment, basically. Tudududududududum, hands drumming the air, basically.

Had I seen the movie earlier on, the moment the song enters the movie would have, most definitely, entered my consciousness, even if only for a rocket kind of second. But, who is going to bring the moment the song enters the movie, in the moment, from now on? You with me? It’s the beauty of art. Vitality. Yum.

One might see, or hear, or live some of the most unexpected things, when parents are away on holiday. Are all the kids in the world happy when their parents are away on holiday and all the kids in the world know their parents are happy? I know I am, I know my brother is. And when a kid is happy and home alone, we all know that it can get legendary.

Or when one gets high on music.

Let your hair down, gurl is what it feels like Chino, my friend’s dog, wanted to tell me – as I was laying down with Jay, my friend, on the blanket, in the grass, next to some fairy tale trees, in full summer – every time she started to check me out from a distance, circle me around, almost whistling innocently while at it, and, as soon as she sensed I’d diverted my attention to something else other than her playfulness, bam, she, very smoothly, in a matter of seconds, would grab my hair, with her mouth, and pull the hair tie out of it, with her teeth. Like a pro, it didn’t hurt at all. It makes one, instantly, think of someone one loves stroking one’s head and the tingly thingies going on in one’s stomach. Chino made sure she left the hair tie where I could see it, though, she knew how important a hair tie was to me, I always have a hair tie around my wrist when a hair tie is not tying up my hair. 

The other day, my friend Andreea asked for the hair tie I had around my wrist. I wasn’t using it. I missed a breath at the thought alone of being about town without a hair tie around my wrist, but then thought of just how much one wants to tie one’s hair and no hair tie is on one, oh no, so I gave it to her, wholeheartedly. In the breath that I’d missed, however, I came to my senses: 1. I’m heading home, I’m safe, 2. I just got a new bunch of these hair ties that I like, they’re the hair ties that last the longest, don’t break when I need them the most and don’t have any unnecessary artifice to them – can an artifice be ever necessary? The things you can buy versus the things you can not. Miraculously, hair ties, somehow, find ways to travel the world, hm. 3. The hair tie is matching my wrist perfectly, it’s that balance I’ve been, patiently, achieving, not too tight, not to loose. A hair tie that ties my hair perfectly, too. And boom, the hair tie is on a new trajectory. Interesting. And so am I, mwa!

A special sort of scream pierces through my awareness, all of a sudden, and takes my mind off of anything. I was already out on the bedroom balcony, in the sunset sky, when the scream matched the live painting unfolding in front of me. On a not so distant office building roof, a couple of seagulls were chirping so loudly it transformed into screaming. I could see their beaks, in profile, wide open, hear the scream and then, only for a split second, sense the silence, as their beaks, only for a split second, closed only to, immediately, begin again. They were screaming while, intensely, starring at their chicks learning to fly, in the not so distant air. Screaming that sounded like calling and calling and calling. And calling. As soon as the chicks landed back, next to their parents, the screaming stopped. It was fascinating. But then a chatter started. Love is constant communication and adjustment. Further instructions, chirp, chirp, chirp, and off into the sky the parents, then, flew. Almighty. Flying around in circles, above the roof, in the not so distant air. Flying. Flying. Guess what the chicks were doing, this whole time. Yup, screaming, their beaks, in profile, wide open while, intensely, starring at their parents, the whole va-va-voom. But in a very cute way, babies way. You could tell by their voices they were babies. Adorable babies watching their parents flying around. There was no one else in our spectrum. So peaceful, in the sunset sky. Birds living a healthy family life. The big seagulls landed back on the roof and a new round of chirping started. It sounded like they were encouraging the little once to fly along with them, because off into a flock they all flew, afterwards. Fearlessly, although we all know what that feels like, at first. Goodness. Haha. Chattering teeth emoji, but hey, we’re all flying here. The parents carried on screaming while flying. They must’ve wanted their kids to be safe, see their own way in life. It’s what it sounded like. Sweet talking, but very loud, in the sky. Sweet, but loud. Loud, but sweet?

Just like life keeps calling you.

Giving you options. The choice is yours. You’d better buckle up and get ready for the thrill. Laugh. Scream. Learn to fly. Into ecstasy. All that jazz. Kind of like driving. Sometimes, you’re with a bunch of people, sometimes you’re with someone, in particular, but you are in it alone, for sure, too. First? Kind of like flying. A plane. Like Tom Cruise does. Flying planes, in American Made, or in every other movie he makes and then some. Sure, first, you have to make the choice to get in the car or not, to get on the plane or not. Either way, become a bird.

Every time you choose yourself, life throws a party for you. Is there anything better than you choosing your truth? Hm. Same. I mean, yes, there is. It is only getting better, all the time. Ha, not bad. It’s something that your souls just knows. I have seen bears before, in bright daylight, from the car, or, as a child, at the circus, but to hear a bear in his own environment, late at night, breathing almost next to me, on a full moon, was something my stomach has never felt before. Or has it? The soul is deeply connected to the stomach. It was 1:46am – I checked the time to, maybe, get an idea of what that something could be – when I, suddenly, woke up and stood up on my bum, in the bedroom, upstairs. The silence, in nature, is something already, but to feel this something in your stomach is something on top of something. The bear must’ve been chilling, in the garden next to ours, at the cabin in the mountains, I couldn’t see him, it was too dark, the kind of darkness you can, clearly, see the stars in, I didn’t want to, abruptly, cut it off with a flashlight. He was growling and making sounds I’ve never heard or felt in my stomach before. It was – I just can’t say terrifying – thrilling and peaceful at the same time. It was something something. 

It’s funny how subtly another moment – I, so unexpectedly, lived – comes to my mind, in this instant. I laugh, a little, whenever I remember about it. So, it involved someone else, not someone else, in particular, but still, someone else. Morning, breakfast, beach, music, water, new people, a mix of everything in my mind, yada, yada, yada, but hey, beach, water, sun. So, a beautiful afternoon was turning into an amazing sunset, the view of the sea is always spectacular, and when the sunbeds facing the sun are comfy, too, the vibe has the potential of being electrifying and chilling, at the same time. I was feeling it, one hundred percent. But, due to yada, yada, yada, I was under the impression that I had to take care of… things and ended up living the potential alone is what might’ve sounded dramatic, but that’s the thing, dramatic is not my thing. Unless it’s, you know, romantic af. The things that I thought were mine to be taken care of not only were not mine to be taken care of, but, also, weren’t even things I liked. Well, that’s why they were not mine. There were, however, things I did like.

Sinking into the ease of a couple – chilling right next to the crowd of people I was with – I met, out of nowhere, was one of it. We talked about everything, went deep, flew high, we just were whatever we felt like, no bulls*it, no nothing. This out of nowhere has a sparkle on top. The cool lady and the cool gentleman were the little boat that detached me from the big boat I was on and took me to the sea. For a minute. I say the big boat, but what I mean is this beautiful – I didn’t even know the name of – hotel poolside. A pool high up on the island has a special effect, true dat. It was a beach day that rolled into things. But this is not the moment I, so unexpectedly, lived and laugh, a little, whenever I remember about it. I mean, this is one, too, but here we go. 

Joel: Porsche. There is no substitute.

Miles: F*ck you.

We were on the big boat and, amongst the crowd I was with, there was this guy, this someone not in particular, but, still, someone. We all got high on music. But, of us all, he was the only one not to engage – at some point, at that perfect point – in anything that might have disturbed his peace, his living in the moment. I don’t want to, specifically, name what he felt in that moment. All I knew was that it was precisely what I felt in that moment. Felt. In my stomach. I had my sunglasses on, my body seemed relaxed, but something about that what in the air felt extra. Good. Complete? It’s not about that. It’s about a choice. A choice felt different. He chose himself. You do you, you choose you, same, is what we’re, definitely, talking about here.

It’s funny how subtly this moment – I, so unexpectedly, lived – comes to my mind, in this instant, because it happened in an instant, too, a couple of summers ago. I’d just withdrawn from the crowd, for a second. No, I was still in the crowd, but completely laid on my back, on the comfy sun bed. I gave in. Breathing, though. Looking at the sky, from underneath the sunglasses. The shadow started to feel so good. You know what a shadow feels like, on a July afternoon going into evening. Cozy was on my mind. I started to focus on the sound of the waves in the distant horizon and beyond. Closed my eyes. Stayed there. Slowly, leaned my head to the left. Slowly, opened my eyes only to see this picture that, still, makes me smile. Laugh a little. The aforementioned guy was so relaxed, probably the most relaxed guy in that moment in time, he was not that far away, he was just near, he was kind of in the crowd, but not really. A couple of large sun beds away from my sun bed, let’s say. But he was so far away into the universe. You know when it’s the real deal, you cringe when it’s not. He had his sunglasses on, too, obviously. Everyone had, but, hm. I instantly felt Oh yeah. Exactly where I was at. My every inch plus that extra one. He made his choice, I made mine, but it wasn’t really (really, really, really) mine, that’s the thing. Sparklingly, my soul has known things for sure, all along, and that’s the thingy thing. Not only to stay true to myself, but to live in the moment entirely, which is, in fact, same. Also known as passion for style, for instants. 

Some might say that everyone entertaining everyone is living in the moment, some might say that the guy is, who cares what anyone says, anyway? 

This is not about anything romantic, this is just human. Even if from a couple of large sun beds away. The guy and I did, however, intersect, later on, as we were kind of facing each other, at the big dinner table. Couples, couples, yay, yes, but when you’re in a couple you feel alone, it gets weird. Feelings start to feel contradictory. Yada, yada, yada. Good times mixed with really weird vibes, a mix of everything, as mentioned above. Something felt terrifyingly wrong. I was telling myself that I was fine, on the outside, yet something – also known as soul, so, you’re f*cked, extraordinarily, you’re safe, regardless of the circumstances, success – made me realise that I wasn’t, in fact, truly, on the inside. That extraordinarily is so, so sweet, whew. I’d decided, as soon as I opened my eyes on this planet is what it feels like, not to compartmentalise and, so, to appreciate that everyone’s doing their best. A little extreme, I know, but this is how we learn. It only starts to make sense the instant you see how you feel when you match whoever’s best. You need to see. Fabulous or not, simple. Does your inside match the outside? Romantic af.

Anyway. This guy was still wearing his sunglasses, at the dinner table. We, indeed, could, still, see the sun, in the distant horizon. You know how orangey and red the sun turns, around 9, how all the blues, and pinks, and a little bit of purple, and, maybe, some cotton candy clouds paint the sky, and they all sink into the sea, and we can see the stars, again, the moon… All I could think about, aside from the beauty of it all, was Uh, man, I’d love to have my sunglasses on now… I even snapped my fingers, as I laughed about the beauty of it all. On the inside! Uh, my soul! It felt good to know that, at least, he had his on and, at least, I had the champagne silk dress I made for myself on. Yes! So, some really weird things were going on at the table and I believe he noticed them. He was so relaxed in his chair. I thought I was, too. I was doing my best to match the beauty of it all and nothing else, to match my chair, but when someone sees the truth, no matter what, a breeze joins the table. Are you still high?, he asked me, out of nowhere. In the warmest, coolest tone. It felt like an Are you ok? that came through as a trustworthy You are fine, chillax. It was the first time, that day, that I made the conscious choice not to care about anything else and, peacefully, but thrillingly, said Af that felt like a trustworthy Thanks.

Coming forward from the heart is what breaks through and it is what makes my heart skip a beat. If it’s not coming from the heart, I feel it, too. Balloons everywhere help, but it’s coming from the heart that strips off any barriers. Seeing someone for who they are is both thrilling and peaceful. It’s your choice, afterwards. It’s your choice, in every instant. It feels like we’re just getting started here, over and over again, but this is what life is all about. So. Flying. Work in progress. Fun!

Isn’t peace of mind – a subtle power – so sexy? It just smittens you. Sometimes instantly, just like it did in childhood. At other times, right in the eye of the storm. You feel something. Something that’s so personal, it becomes universal. That’s why the guy from above, in that instant, was so far away into the universe. I don’t know, to the day, anything about him, but that’s another thing I like to stumble across, over and over again. I don’t have to. It’s what it feels like, in the moment, that has the potential of a good moment. I wrote Complete? earlier. Truly satisfied just came to mind. Same. And so did Womack & Womack’s Candy World. I read somewhere that butterflies, fireflies and ladybugs are sacred. I believe that’s why. It’s the loooooooove! 

If you can’t say it, you can’t do it.

Your nervous system will naturally feel calm around people with pure intentions and authentic energy, trust it popped out of nowhere, wink, the other days, and I’ve just referenced it to my bestie, over the phone, in one of our Called you to tell you this joke turned deep disco two hours conversations. Fantastic and here we are, full circle. Three hours later, she calls to tell me the joke. It’s real and interesting, so it’s funny, success! Music is blasting through the speaker in the bedroom and I’m spinning, dancing, sitting, laying, you know the drill.

Circles. Listening to a song, as loud as it can go, in your headphones, on repeat, for as long as your run in the morning, comes close to what people described their experience with music on mushrooms to be like. I wondered, then, whether what I was experiencing with music, without being on anything, was what people described their experience with music on mushrooms to be like . At any time of day or night. Something fabulous in my hands, though, goes perfectly with it, I must confess. A peach. A hand. I will find out one day. Until then, since this is something I’ve been doing for as long as I basically know myself, I can boldly claim that it’s one of the best feelings out there. For me. It doesn’t happen on demand, it just happens when it happens. And I’m sucked into this moment in time that feels like fresh air, like you can actually hear your heart beating, calm, then extreme. Feels like staring into a gem, into one’s eyes, good loving kissing, anything grand that comes to mind. Wait, that’s the trick, you forget about the mind, this is what this moment is all about.

Dad calling me this morning, on the 1st of June, maybe for the first time ever, this early, in the morning of the 1st of June, just to congratulate me, is another feeling like that. 

Or mom calling, a couple of days before, to ask me if I heard about, if I heard about… I said that I did. It was about Tina. It’s sad, but it’s the beauty Tina brought into my relationship with mom that’s way more beautiful than it is sad. It’s the beauty that Tina brought. Full stop. The fine line between a fairy and family. It’s not just about her music, her music was, is just as much, in our house, as it was, is anyone else’s we liked, it was, is something. Music is magical, oui, but it’s, also, about mom calling me Tina, short for Cristina, ever since I can remember myself. Not all the time, only once in a while, in circumstances I can’t put in a box, but can attach a certain tone to. It’s always felt natural, I can’t imagine Tina coming from anyone else but mom. It comes with a sort of seriousness or responsibility, I’m sure she hasn’t been calling me Tina to reference The Tina (although she herself is a fan), yet there’s something so soft to this intersection. Obviously, without a doubt, somewhere in the back of my mind, Tina, as a fairy, pops out every time. Then, my mom and I discuss the matter she was calling my name for, it’s particular, it’s when Tina becomes family.

A question was asked to me once. Do you get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say to yourself Ooh, you’re Tina Turner and you’re the best. My answer was Absolutely no. I’m far removed from my stage persona when I am home. I’ve never allowed Tina Turner to totally take over my life. I love being me too much. I love me more than I love the personification of my career. It’s two totally separate – if we can call it – entities. On stage, I’m performing, short dress, hair, I’m giving a show. I like to give the show wholehearted, every inch of whatever I can do to please the people. But offstage, I consider myself really a great person! I like me very much. I like Anna Mae Bullock. It’s a different personality, because I’m not acting, I’m myself and I’m enjoying that very much. Even now, casually said Tina, in an interview popping out on my Instagram.

The Best… Where do I even begin? The beginning. This song, ooh, is one of the hymns I marched into what I had no clue would have become one of the best things life is gifting us with. Dancing. And when that dancing is shared with someone who enjoys dancing, too, ooh, few things come close to that. I keep on saying few things, but if I were to add every time I’ve ever said few things come close to, ooh, quite a few times would be the signs of the times. See? 

When The Best used to start, around 5 a.m., in the club we loved, or at the parties we gave ourselves, at our homes, when the parents were away, or at some place we went on holiday with our then boyfriends, nothing would stop Ral and me from standing up – no one was sitting around ever, anyway, it’s why we were out, to begin with, to dance the whole night through! – and forgetting about everything. No heels were too high, no pain, no gain. We were unstoppable and all the people around were calling me bébé.

As soon as the first notes hit the speakers, swoosh, a space rocket would take us somewhere, dancing and singing along as if the two of us only were on the dance floor. From the beginning of our dancing era. Of our lives. Teenagers turned grown-ups with a sort of Tina twist that feels like forever. It really didn’t matter whether it were only us on the planet or what, nothing could stop us from, literally, dragging each other, on the dance floor, or on a big speaker, a table, a chair, anything that resembled the stage, or on the actual stage in the club, and throwing our hair in the air. The atmosphere was, is key. And so was, is the authentic energy. The first notes and, swoosh, the space rocket was ready and so were we.

Then, we discovered the live version of Proud Mary, performed by Tina and Beyoncé, and we were hooked. Something greater than us (or was it the best of us, huh) took over, and it was, is, one of the best feelings out there. See? Jees. Joy. Every now and then, we kinda like to do things nice and easy, but somehow we never, ever do nothing completely nice and easy, you know why, why, you know why, why, because we like to do it, we like to do it, we like to do it nice and rough(!!!!!!!). Long hair don’t care all over the place. This is the way we do Proud Mary. Pam, pam, pam, pam, pam. Left a good job in the city… It’s the beginning we enjoyed doing the most, but then lost it completely by the end. The choreography, every snap of fingers, the tone, the relaxation, the calm and the extreme, the vavavoom, present, present, present, present, present, present, present, lost it, told you.

It’s the fun that comes with the fearlessness. The mind, instantly, underlines its alignment with the body, the spirit, it’s this alignment that takes you to space, in fact, fun fact. It’s the fun that comes with vulnerability. You’re safe. Presence. You’re sucked into grace. Into being, into the truth, into everything. It’s everything Tina will forever be about. It’s passion, it’s more than just a word, but long hair don’t care. 

I’m, now, asking mom Why Tina. 

I just liked to call you Tina. 

So, no connection to Tina. 

I’ve always loved her energy.

Some things happen and, at times, it’s only later that you see their wondrous, sweet meaning. We saw the Tina HBO documentary together, a while ago. Tina was, is, indeed, everything we’ve always felt that she was, is, and so much more. Above all, a beautiful soul. It’s what connected us to her, at all times.

It’s interesting how you feel an indescribable intimacy with people from far away, while other people, right in your vicinity, are looking for ways to invade it without permission. Intention is a funny thing, you can’t see it, but it’s the pinkest elephant of them all. It speaks volumes when it comes from love, and you can’t stop from kissing people. It speaks volumes, also, when it comes from fear, and people start acting weird. Joy is forever here as your compass. As loud as it can go. And so is chemistry.

Long hair don’t care. My Gabi does care, though. She’s been cutting it for fifteen years, she always tells me to send her pictures after I style it myself, at home. She’s just as curious about hair as I am. I love her. And hair.

Whoop, a circle.

And this is the way it’s gonna be. We’ll start by saying this just rocks. Rocks as in rock as in strength. Rocks as in rock and roll as in fun. Rocks as in cool as in ice. Ooh, ice, yes, here we go. It’s only cold for a couple of seconds, but hot is how it’s gonna go. Go, go, go. People, at times, seem to ignore it. People, at times, get angry that you don’t ignore it also. I was so calm when someone, a couple of years ago, bitterly, told me Oh, you should stop listening to this thing (pointing at my stomach) so much. Oh, how I did not like the taste of that in my stomach. A lightning struck inside. A whole lot of feelings and thoughts flooding into my entire being, all at once. 

I felt people being puzzled by it before, but it takes someone to actually say it to your face for you to realise just how invincible you truly feel thanks to it precisely. Thanks! You don’t even need to fight back. Obviously. You’re a lover, not a fighter, but you’re going to fight for love, roar. In your own unique way. Doing it even when nobody knows about it alone makes you feel good. 

Luckily, I love the ocean way too much not to let it overflow allover, all at once, also. See? It gets majestic. It’s what intuition feels like. The thunder smells like. The sun on your skin. Yes, I can definitely do that. What? Trust. Go with the flow.

You know when I don’t know what you call that is yours and when I don’t know what you call that is not. Picture Miuccia Prada, her style is inimitable, one can’t say anything about it because it is so naturally hers, it’s untouchable, but picture the I don’t know what you call that, too. When you know for sure. You like, you feel right, your stomach is free. Metaphorically, of course, but very much literally also. You taste it and, and, and it’s love on the brain, boom. Boom, boom. 

You know for sure, but, all of a sudden, it explodes, implodes, and you think F*ck, what’s that? That was unexpected, but it’s getting hot, remember. The ships that seemed unbreakable, the love that you, not for a bit, questioned in a way even you, later on, stand in stunned silence yourself, beside your stomach. And that’s something! So, you really are like that, I don’t know what you call that that. Fortunately, your gut’s always been subtly pulsing. It’s the death and rebirth you might’ve heard about or not, but it surely feels like that. You can’t put a finger on it, nor do you feel any need to, you don’t feel anything. The time seems to have stopped. Now what? Time for a hug. You might call it change now, but back in the moment, you didn’t think about change. You just lived it, it’s just as natural as the waves washing over the shore is. It’s only natural. Natural, natural, natural, yes, natural. Nature.

And sometimes I get so scared of what I can’t understand, but here I am, next to you. All these flowers around me got me in awe. My dad tells me that this specific kind of wild daises open themselves up, every day, as soon as the sun comes up and close themselves down as soon as the sun goes down. They don’t open up at all if they can’t see the sun. The back of their petals, the tip of the back of their petals is pink, the lively kind of pink. The birds are chirping af. My dad again comes in, he tells me it’s because of the season we’re in, it’s mid May. It’s their, ta-da, mating season. They declare their love, they decide on where to settle their nest, we’re all assisting a symphony in open air, at sunset. All pink now, wink, on a blanket, in the garden. The scent and petals falling from the blossoming cherry tree I’m under are everything. Just as it is this mental note I took on my dad’s birthday, this mid May. His wish came true.

Other flowers open up as soon as the sun goes down. Seeing a flower opening up, in front of your eyes, in a couple of seconds, and smelling in a way that makes you want to hug it, every day in Summer, at sunset – because this is what a flower in our garden does – is what this change from above starts to feel like. Usually, they turn a camera on to film the flower blossoming and fast forward, later on, for you to see it in a couple of seconds instead of hours, days, years and so on. To see something wonderful open. Let’s take cherries, for instance. You might skip the video altogether and die to eat the cherry. See? Hot. I feel you. But when you see something transforming right in front of your eyes, let’s take kittens getting out of our Loona, for instance, a sort of sparkle comes through. Comes true. It’s everywhere, really, when you stop for a second and see.

What do you think about the whole belly, in plain sight, for the whole world to see? is what a friend, casually, asked me on our casual last Friday evening. I hadn’t given it much thought, but I knew I liked it, always felt like saying hi. What does it mean when a woman decides to pose naked with a baby inside her belly? When a woman carries her baby in plain sight for the whole world to see? We were outside, watched the sunset, the breeze helped us see the entire spirit of an interesting Spring day, slowly vanishing into the night. Sun, clouds, sun again, clouds, the wild daisies must’ve gone mad, but so did the clouds, the mad clouds that seemed to have come out of nowhere, boom, strong, strong wind and, boom, it all calmed down. We’re on the terrace.

A beautiful, naked, round belly instantly comes to mind. Then, the word art does. I think Isn’t this the biggest work of art ever? and say Hm, I’ve never actually said it out loud, not even in my own mind, ever. I don’t know what’s being said, but what I do know is that knowing a baby is inside a belly and the belly is out there for everyone to see, feels a bit like Fontana di Trevi. I go on. Peacefully. The sky feels light even though it’s getting dark. Just thinking about the entire process blows my mind. The transformation a woman’s body is able to perform is magical. It’s an artistic moment in time. Poetic. Supremely powerful. For the mom and for everyone who sees it. On the cover of a magazine, on your friends’ couch, in the eyes of someone you adore, random in the street or, you know, the Super Bowl. It’s her and her baby in… Her. Whatever the mommy feels like being when she’s with her baby, babies, whatever the relationship she intends on having with her baby, I don’t know what you call that. And it’s easier for the daddy to touch the belly whenever. Basically, the baby is naked all the time, you know what that feels like, free, and is in plain sight, for the whole world to see. The mom listens to the relationship the baby wants to have with them, also. Honesty is essential to making your relationship as strong as it can be. And the belly is so close to the stomach. Wink. In tune. Enjoying fully every moment. It’s lifestyle. From the womb, it seems. 

Whether you want a baby or not, you still came from a womb, you yourself were a baby once.

A discussion I, often, have with mom is about the baby deciding on the relationship the baby wants to have with the world and the relationship the baby decides to have with themselves. We’re a continuous work of art. Grateful for everything our parents and everyone around us did for us and to us, regardless of conditions or society, we’re all here doing our best. Transforming into the grown-ups we’ve always dreamt to be. A grown-up is just a synonym for a baby forever transforming. If you’re going to pretend like you don’t care, don’t look up, but fun fact, Miu Miu herself has an office slide that begins next to her desk and ends in the outdoor courtyard of her work place.

Hey Siri, pause. 

Siri paused.

In fact.

Hey Siri, stop.

There’s nothing to stop here, literally said Siri.

Meeting someone new feels like riding the slide every time. A clean slate for you to begin anew. It’s the very you and the very them in the very moment. A perfect opportunity to introduce strangers straight into your heart (because hey) and climb up mountains with slash for – luckily, you enjoy being physical and a good view – only to, then, learn how to build a separate room for them in it. But you saw yourself in a brighter light. For you. For your light.

Recently, I came across a similar situation, life is funny, life is real and interesting. The title belongs to Midge in a brand new episode of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. This time, your light throws a party inside of you, as you look fear in the eyes, they try to take I don’t know what you call that out of you, your light keeps on getting brighter and brighter, this peace you have inside is having a blast, thank goodness you like to learn and, boom, compassion wraps it up. It’s not about you, it’s about them, but it’s also about you, roar. This time, I know exactly where to go. Me. Naked. Free. 

Then, they say you’re arrogant, very much to your surprise (or not) again, but if focus looks like arrogance to them, then so be it. You know who you wanted to be, who you are. We’re all human here sharing an electric, suave force. It’s invisible and it might be what makes it electric and suave, at the same time, in the first place. Just like the touch of the perfect breeze is. You know? You’re in plain sight, in front of the sun, and the perfect breeze comes in. Ooh.

With others, it’s forever and that’s when you know you found someone really special. Chemistry. Electric. Suave. Force. Or you know, it’s what family is to begin with.

Question marks show up with them, too, from time to time or all of the time, some of them breezy, some of them hardcore, it’s when intuition is flying all over the place, it’s the embracing kind of wind meant to connect the two of you in the very moment. Ideally, you both feel it in the very moment. You’re happy either way and you power through. It’s the people that mean forever to you. You take the responsibility for you. We’re responsible for everything that happens to us. It only makes sense, everything happens for us anyway. 

Few things that feel hardcore come close to a hardcore discussion with your family, bestie, soul. A discussion like I don’t know what you call that is a force on its own. Few things rise above it. And dance. Have faith in the dots.

I was eleven or something and singing this song, totally in the mood, moving my hands accordingly and everything, when my brother told me something. I don’t remember his words exactly, but I remember the look in his soft, teary eyes. He must’ve been hungover post one of his parties I must’ve assisted at, without a doubt. It was one of our things. The girls that liked him a lot used to put me to bed and I, of course, used to get out of it, you know the drill. The baby sister kind of vibe, aw. Aw for me, not so much for him then, but I guess we’ve always considered that honesty is essential to making our relationship as strong as it can be, so. It was Mia going Giiirl, pow-pow-pow-pow, you’ll be a womaaan soon. Anytime, anytime this song pops out, my brain, even if only for a second, goes to that moment in time. It could’ve slid away, but I was there. And so was he. A moment for us to just be. 

When you know something for sure and it clashes, what’s up with that? With I don’t know what you call that. The focus sharpens, you’re done with what anyone is saying if what anyone is saying doesn’t feel right to your gut, you act quickly, you don’t overthink, it’s all clear, all the decisions you took got you here today, innumerable moving dots of bright light, hot, someone plus someone make love, roar, two natural orgasms later, fun inside the womb and, boom, baby, hi!

That feels like a feather sliding on a piece of paper. The image on the desktop, peeking at me from behind this window, makes me want to peek back at it.

A funny message thread, on Instagram, with Alex, via some jokes she sends me on how people text nowadays (or don’t) and are with one another, at the beginning of relationships, gets us rolling, laughing, same. And at the ending of relationships, simultaneously, I’m suggesting. It’s inside joking, but it’s also cosmic truth. I, on another planet, am completely in my zone, no connection whatsoever to the aforementioned kind of thing going on in the dating world, it’s a choice I proudly made, it’s who I am. It’s out of this world communication that gives me energy, it’s something else that I prefer simultaneously, and always tchin-tchin with Alex to. Birds of a feather flock together, after all.

I’ve learned my lessons, alright, and who now knows exactly what who now wants in life? Precisely.

Why do I find this so funny? Is it because it’s true? I’m babe, btw.

So, this is what I send her back, we laugh, our ahahahas come in, and we start a convo on Instagram. Each media with its own topic of the moment, what to do. Not bad, as my brother says. My brother’s daughters initiated this piece of paper, to begin with. Our latest iMessages thread, in our group of 3, hilarious, ended up with bruh. Post You’re SO cheesy. Post a pink heart sent with echo. I kinda became accustomed to Natasha’s bruh, it’s been going on for a while. Of course it didn’t stray me away from my stars, hearts, rockets, fireworks and all the good stuff. My stars, hearts, rockets, fireworks and all the good stuff didn’t stray her away from her eew, either. On the outside. Because, on the inside, I bet she’s (always) grinning.

Babe thingy is best

It’s what connected us first

Aw, did what just rhyme? 

Or it’s this rhythm thingy that’s rhyming and we’re just driving?

If an Aries loves you, they will bully you into loving yourself. If pouring delicious energy into someone is called bulling, then all of you bullies out there and in disguise, you’ve been doing it all wrong, newsflash. Natasha is, also, an Aries. She might seem tough and all, but we both know she’s also soft, I completely get that and she knowns that I do, so she can’t hide, maybe she enjoys not having to, it’s a process, and it’s beautiful. Anywaze, waze, road tripping, playlist. I got you, babe.

Aries: When I talk, I’m rude. When I don’t talk, I gotta attitude. Leave me tf alone. It’s comic, come on, close to cosmic. Or Aries: Literally nobody helps me with anything. Also Aries: Oh my god, you’re doing it all wrong, just give it to me. Funny Aries, funny.

Being around grownups does that to one. What? Makes one forget. Eew, yeah, yeah. Her sister Inga and I, we’re here to remind her, at all times, that it’s about the sparkle. At all times. Lots of babes sent by guess who, throughout our thread, makes me have a blast. I can’t stop. Don’t want to. Uh-oh, Inga’s bruh comes in, for the first time. Oh no. My eyes are rolling as I’m laughing, kids energy. You don’t know what the last time we hugged goodbye was like, but you can imagine it when it’s in the movies that you see it. Dreamlike. Our love in real life, so babe, bruh. It’s alright, it’s cosmic energy, someone has to be responsible in here.

Because when you meet me, you think I’m quiet, when you talk to me, you wish I was quiet, when you know me, you’ll be scared when I’m quiet. Funny, funny. 

Others: if it’s love, they will come back. Aries: if it’s love, they will never leave. Ooh.

You know how a picture pops up in explore, on your Instagram, and swoosh, without you even realising (but realeyesing), a door to a whole new thing opens up, you’re exploring alright, you take a screenshot, you save it. Especially when it’s a thing that makes you smile, a thing that you, obviously, take seriously. 

Aries: Can you multitask? Yes, actually, I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time. I mean… 

It just makes you feel good. Of course it does, it’s cosmically shared. It’s the s*it. Just as it is when I’m texting Alex, Alex is texting me, and we’re smiling at our phones. Flowers. A beach. A glass of margarita. Air. Expansion. Hair in the air. Hands. Stare. A bubbly conversation. A whole day of watching great movies in bed. Delicious thingies in pajamas. In your bathrobes, in the kitchen, wherever. It’s fascinating how a true laugh has so much power to bring in peace. Just as anything that is true has.

These signs are actively reading the room at all times. They’ll pick up on moods, emotions and energies. Nothing gets past them. Confirmed.

Living your truth keeps you out of the loop that just doesn’t feel true. You can’t always expect the truth from others, but you can expect it from yourself. It’s the kind of discussion I might have with my brother, or Alex, on a casual Friday night, over facetime. We’re here for life. We’re home. We can all agree on what true home feels like. Or style. It’s that extra something. There’s a style to dating, too. Dating sounds special when it’s got that extra something. You just gotta know your style. Or burn down your very best yesterday every day, so you can start again, as Kristen, in the Chanel ad, would say. Or as Kristen, at the Berlinale 2023, would anything. Or listen to Chaka Khan’s I’m Every Woman. Watch Whitney’s cover of it, too. Music takes you home and life is, continuously, rolling in the deep. Red roe, on a good baguette toast and butter takes me home, we’ve known each other since I was born. Some insanely mouthwatering new fruit that flashes the cas (as in casual) takes me to another planet. Same. You’re in for the good stuff you bet you can’t get enough of. And you dance, this is it. Gracefully surrendering. Style has this allure, too. You have to give in, from time to time. Or. Or. Every day. You know what feels like the s*it. Absolute pleasure. That’s the thing. 

A particular song has been crossing my mind every once in a while. I don’t know what song it is, yet. While looking for it, I stumbled upon another one, forgot all about it, and here we are. Now, I have to find it. Probably play on repeat and come back, but let’s see. Oh man. It’s Madonna’s, that I am almost sure of, and I remember listening to this song on repeat, a long time ago, and I just might delete all this when I find it. I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Or am I? The teeth chattering emoji is being silly, somewhere in the ether. It’s something with give in… I keep on bumping into Give It 2 Me, which I, also, developed an obsession with, as soon as it was released, but it’s not this song the particular song that I’m talking about. The particular song that I can hear in the back of my mind, but can’t put a finger on. Maybe I should give in to give it 2 me. Welcome to my world! 

Chaka Khan’s Like Sugar was playing before typing in Madonna. Ooh, it’s so good. It’s like sugar. So sweet. Good enough to eat. I, of course, am texting it to my brother, to Alex. 

Rain is here and this is gonna take a while. Perfect timing for headphones. Your love’s coming down like… Something that sounds like cool driving, or some kind of taking off in the rain, and drums, and everything elevating… Here comes the sun.

The word surrender has been coming up, pretty often, lately. It’s when the cosmos intervenes, I guess.

Like A Prayer has been popping up, pretty often, lately, too. Thought I could skip it, but nope. It feels intimate through the headphones straight into your head. It’s straight into your heart when it’s coming through the speakers, at home, and your arms are up. You close your eyes. Smile. Sing. Just like a prayer, no choice, your voice can take me there. Something with give in is playing in the back of it all. Oh man. Of course, I’m listening to it until the end.

Cherish!

!!!!!!!

I Want You is here, so I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time. It’s an album I used to fall asleep to, when I was eleven. I’ll Remember just started. I’m on the floor and every bone in my body is thanking me. Delightful. Devoted. Charming, ha!

Take A Bow. It’s the chills that get through my spine, as soon as I hear it beginning. I skip it, though, I’m on a mission here.

Ooh, You’ll See. That beginning, too. Skipping it, however. Mission.

Pff Crazy For You.

So, it’s not on this album, either. 

Justify My Love began to play, it’s one of my all time favourite songs, so. So, now what? I know this will all make sparkling sense, buckle up. The vibe of the song that I’m looking for is similar, I can feel it.

Hm, Beautiful Stranger. 

It’s like a snowball, but it’s not cold. It’s warm, it’s a sunball that’s been rolling, and rolling, and rolling, so deep that it came to me! It’s Michael’s Give In To Me. Only queens and kings in here, that’s right. I typed in the title, am filling up my lungs and pressing play. Yup, it’s this emotion, this chorus that has been the soundtrack of this piece of paper. Give in to the feeling, that’s it, pfew. 

Back to Like Sugar, oh yeah! When you know exactly what you want in life, you’re able to take quick and necessary changes to produce the results you’re after. Speed of sound, speed of light, cosmic, cosmic. The amount of discipline that it takes is invaluable, rich, it takes you to the undeniable truth that makes you feel sexy, unique, and no one can take that away from you.

Aries: My standards are high, because I can provide what I require. Read that again. Or you know, put that on your plate, as Midge and Susie put it best. Or Once I care, I don’t leave. Once I leave, I don’t care. We may have big hearts, but once you f us over, we’re gone. These are not just facts about Aries, are they? It’s basic human what? Human nature.

Something that sounds like very cool driving, or some kind of taking off, in the rain, and drums, and everything elevating. You feel it flowing through your veins, it’s easy, there’s nothing else you can do about it, anyway, when it doesn’t let you sleep. When you wake up, listen to the birds singing, in the trees you see from every window, on 5:55 a.m., you smile uncontrollably, you don’t really think about the not really sleeping, and you let the feather slide on paper. Noticing something you cannot see is the Faith George Michael is singing about. It’s light and you like to keep it light, you like it deep, too, you like it when it feels like the s*it. Flowers, Cristina, flowers. I love the light, but man, the stars shine so bright tonight. Shh.

I don’t flirt, I just talk. It’s not my fault everything I say is smoother than the cream cheese spread on your bagel.